Customer Reviews

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Death of a Loved One

5 star:		(35)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the best non-religious book I have read on grieving from an unexpected death.

The authors have direct experience with the subject and share their own deep traumas in considerable detail that added to the relevance of the book.

They also sought out the stories of people who had experiences with unexpected death that were different from their own so that you would have specific examples that come closer to your own situation.

In my case, my Father was 87 when he unexpectedly passed away last September. We all thought that he was good for 100, but he died quietly in his sleep that night. Since then, we've all been in one stage of shell shock or another. I can hardly imagine how much worse it is when the person is younger . . . or is a child or sibling. My heart aches for anyone who has had those experiences.

I found the book to be "right on" in describing the issues that my family and I have dealt with. I wish I had known about the book before my Dad died. It would have helped even more then.

The book helps in many different ways. First, you get advice on the help you need immediately after the death. Second, you learn about the various ways that you may be affected. Third, you find out how long the effects may last. Mourning in these situations takes much longer than I realized. Fourth, you find out how to help others grieve. Fifth, you find many old beliefs questioned that don't seem to be true. Sixth, you get help with dealing over the long term. In part two, there are stories that relate to different types of sudden losses: a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. The third part deals with practical resources for recovering including self-help, therapy, exercises, organizations and support choices (including books). The appendix includes suggestions for a memorial service, a eulogy, calls that need to be made and things to ask friends to do.

In one helpful section of the book, an overwhelmed person can just hand the pages to a friend and point. The friend can take over from there.

Even if you don't think you will ever face an unexpected death that is close to you, I suggest you read this book. There's no way to know. When it happens, be sure that you know what to do when you aren't ready to say goodbye to a loved one.

I drew a lot of my comfort during the experience from my religious beliefs. If you haven't yet developed that side of your life, I strongly urge you to do so.

May God bless you!

I found this book to be comforting and very helpful. While this book could help any bereaved person, its particular care to the topic of sudden death is thorough, thought-provoking and enlightening. This type of death is so different than any other, and until this book, I hadn't found a book that truly covered those needs. I noticed a review that said it did not help with personal growth--while I respect everyone's right to an opinion, I must say I wonder if the reader read the whole book. There are several chapters devoted specifically to personal growth, finding mean, transforming loss, creating rituals for healing, calming exercises, healing exericse--not to mention over 50 pages of comprehensive reviews of support resources to help the bereaved. I just thought it interesting because I have never found a book more helpful for personal growth. I just read about the new companion workbook that came out which provides over 100 pages to explore feelings and growth. I am off to order that now! Brook is also coming to Charleston as a keynote speaker for the Bereaved Parents meeting this year. I can't wait to meet her in person and hear her talk about her work and attend her classes. Thank you for writing this book Pam and Brook. You two have TRULY helped me heal, let me know I am not crazy and changed my life for the better.

Noel's and Blair's book actually had some unique features that I thought would be helpful as a new widow, but the many errors in editing, grammar, spelling, and organization were distracting and, after a while, offensive to me, considering the subject matter.

Excellent and practical for anyone who has had a sudden loss, or as a gift to. Very practical and helpful in the resources list also.

This book has been a great help to my family during a time of sudden loss of husband/father. I have given it as a gift to friends and family and recommend it

Excellent Book For The Grieving! I was given this book after the loss of my sister. It has helped me so much.
another recommendation-Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief (another excellent book)

This book is an excellent resource for those dealinng with grief, particularly that of sudden loss. but, also covers many different aspects of grief.
Other Non Fiction works to consider: Nightmares Echo and Good Grief

This book addresses a very important issue -- the sudden death of a loved one. As it is one of few books that deal with this issue, it will be of interest to many who grieve over such a loss. I wish, however, that there were a more focused treatment of the topic than these authors provide. Also, the huge number of grammatical and punctuation errors were distracting.

While reading the various first-hand accounts was helpful at times, I found myself put off by the author's frequent references to mediums, psychics, and "dream communication." I realize some people believe in this kind of stuff, but for me personally its just another form of escapism, and right now I'm trying to get back on track after the devastating loss of my mother. I don't think its helpful to try to convince myself that I can somehow communicate with her again. My dreams of my mother are my mind dealing with this loss, and I can welcome them and appreciate them without turning it into some delusion of actual contact with the "afterlife." That said, there was comfort to be taken from the stories of the losses experienced by others. It was good to be reminded that I'm not the only one going thru this, and I'm not crazy, just going thru a natural grieving process. I'm not sorry I read this book, but perhaps I would have checked it out from the library, as opposed to purchasing it. Surprisingly, the book I'm benefitting the most from is "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" by Thich Nhat Hanh. Its not specifically geared to healing after the loss of a loved one, but the techniques and philosophy are applicable and beneficial.

I lost my Dad to a heart attack. It all happened so quickly, yet the grief is endless. It helps to read how others have dealt with sudden death. This book is helpful and also I am using the faith based grief journal,Write From Your Heart, A Healing Grief Journal. Both books are helping me to cope.