Customer Reviews

Mean Machine (Widescreen)

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

The play-by-play calls and the inside views from Monks head make this movie worth while. People that cry about it being a remake of "The Longest Yard" apparently do not watch many movies as every other movie out is a remake or carbon of something. Pay attention to the play-by-play and you will definately laugh.

This is a great picture. Whether or not you like soccer or not this is a great combination of comedy and drama. I recommend this movie for anyone who likes movies.

Mean Machine, the 2001 remake of 'The Longest Yard', is a rough-and-tumble story about a prison's struggles on the soccer field.
When disgraced England captain Danny Meehan (ex-soccer star Vinnie Jones) is sent to prison for assault cops while drunk, he becomes the target of everyone inside. Luckily, he cuts a deal with the warden and begins coaching a flashy and undisciplined group of cons for a game against the prison guards. The game is riddled with under-the-table bets and blackmailing, and has an interesting lead-up.
There is much heated violence in this film, but nothing too graphic. In fact, when Danny has the prison's resident pyscho show the boys how to play dirty on the pitch you will be laughing uncontrollably.
The finale is the big game makes for a gripping piece of viewing. Add to this, the flashy moves, brilliant camera angles, the hilarous play-by-play commentary of two cons each named Bob, and cheap tactics employed, and you have a very good ending to a very good film.
Mean Machine is a highly entertaining British film, and is certainly worth a look if you enjoy soccer or good action and jokes.
In the words of Danny Meehan, "Stick this one in your trophy cabinet".

MEAN MACHINE is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie THE LONGEST YARD, using the movie's UK release title. I haven't seen the original but this wasn't bad.
In a brilliant piece of casting ex-pro footballer turned tough guy actor Vinnie Jones plays Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, an ex pro-footballer who is jailed for three years on assault charges. But the prison warden (David Hemmings) happens to be a soccer nut, so he offers Meehan the opportunity to assemble a team of inmates and train them for a soccer game against the prison officers.
Executive produced by Guy Ritchie, MEAN MACHINE is a formulaic but entertaining movie. The meshing of the sports/prison movie genres may make you see these guys as being right 'ard geezers or limp-wristed nancy boys, depending on your opinion of soccer. Well, there's a Robbie Williams song near the end of the movie so I'll leave that open to viewers to make their own judgments. MEAN MACHINE's still a good movie. If you're a soccer fan it's probably a five star movie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel of sorts to be green-lighted featuring lesbian mud wrestling instead of soccer.

Well, the time just flew by when I saw this film! Excellent film, some of it had me in stitches! I had seen the original, but I did prefer this version, Vinnie Jones was very good I thought and it is a film that I could definitely watch again. Worth seeing, whether you have viewed the original or not.

I love the Longest Yard, and the Mean Machine is a cute remake. The final game is well shot with great music. Very predictable, but exactly what you want in a film-Lots fun. The prison game announcers are a riot.

I liked the nice touch with the winning goal.

This movie had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I watched it probably 10 times when i rented it and fell in love. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who liked Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Vinnie Jones is Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, former star soccer player, who was once hired to promote the sports goods of first-rate company Umbro. But now drunk and disgraced, he is in jail, doing his time of three-year sentence. But the governor there, himself deep in debt, wants him to go back to the game (between wards and prisoners), AND lose it on purpose, just like Danny did in the international match between England and Germany.

Sounds familiar? Sure, the film's opening credits show that "Mean Machine" is actually based on Burt Reynolds's film "The Longest Yard." You may say, or groan, "Not again!," but be assured, this new one is surprisingly good, considering that Vinnie Jones's career as actor has just got started. And his fans, be proud; though he may not be nominated for BAFTA awards, his turn as the first-time lead is really good, and convincing.

The virtue of "Mean Machine" is that the film looks very authentic. That's no surprise, you say, because Vinnie Jones was a professional soccer player, but keep in mind that he had to shape up his body again to fit in the role as it has been pretty long since he had retired. As I'm a huge soccer fan, and watch Euporean games live on cable TV in Japan, I can tell you this, but the players of "Mean Machine" team are good at playing soccer, and the most remarkable thing is that they play so well that their movements in the game is authentic (except for the goal keeper, who likes keep the ball too much), and look very real, if not as good as those you see in English Premier games. On top of that, most scenes are shot in real prison, The Oxford Prison, now disused for years.

But the greatest find is Vinnie Jones, who is natural and sometimes even humorous. He is much better than ill-used role in "Swordfish," and the director knows how to use his tough-guy persona on the screen. The film keeps a good speed, and the supports are also effective, such as veteran actor David Kelly ("Greenfingers," another prison drama, and "Waking Ned Divine"). And for the soccer fans (and players), Vinnie's lecture on "How to Commit Foul Plays" is very funny, alarmingly.

Overall the film is a drama, and some of the scenes are very serious, but the film doens't stop there too long. Predictable you may call it, but I still find it fun to watch. You may too, especially when you like soccer like me.

"Mean Machine" was a predictable and less than appealing movie. The movie had bursts of humor here and there (e.g. commentators Bob and Bob during the final game, Jason Statham as "The Monk"), and the soundtrack, probably its only saving grace, was quite good...

The DVD is NOT worth the price tag because of the lack of special features. Granted, the British slangs were a bit confusing and the alternate "U.S. Release" featured on the DVD was helpful. But, one could easily turn on the captions while watching the "Theatrical Release" and not miss a word.

Rent the move if you want to watch it and save your money for the soundtrack.

This entire movie, including the title, were "borrowed" from an earlier piece, as were dialogue, settings and plot. If you have seen or see now, "The Longest Yard" starring Burt Reynolds, you will see for yourself how much of TLY was scavenged to produce this flagrant rip-off. Tracy Keenan Wynn conceived and wrote the original, TLY, and should have had screen credit for this, except for the fact that it pales in comparison, and as such, is probably better left attributed to the "borrowers." No honor among thieves, even in Hollywood, or should I say, ESPECIALLY in Hollywood. See "The Longest Yard" instead, a much better film, and ORIGINAL.