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3.6 out of 5 stars
3.6 out of 5 stars
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Showing 1-10 of 19 reviews(1 star). Show all reviews
on December 7, 2003
I have been a bit concerned recently about the lack of RRDMs (Really Really Dumb Movies). I love RRDMs - some of them offer so much fun it is a crime to miss. Well, I finally hit a jackpot with "Transporter."
There are movies where plot is built upon a single stupid idea. "Transporter" is not that kind of a movie - each stupid plot idea is followed by the next one that makes this one look like a gem of a human culture. I am confident they used one of the big soap opera scenario writers to write a scenario for this one. Too bad they weren't allowed to put one of the characters in a coma...
You know, criminals are apparently really bad when it comes to driving. Most of them tried many times but failed to pass for a driver license. That's the basic premise of the movie. What, you are not rushing to buy or rent it yet?! Read on. Now, since the crooks cannot drive, they need a driver for hire to drive/transport them. The kind of driver that can transport a briefcase or a bag from one French town to another without asking questions. The one that is able to drive the bank robbers for some half an hour in a small town completely surrounded and followed by police cars and not get caught and/or identified (note to myself: move my bank accounts from small French coastal towns back to US on Monday).
So everything goes fine: the crooks get same day delivery without giving in to FedEx, the cops are happy because even though they suspect the protagonist to be the transporter, they cannot prove it (not a single scratch on his car - his driving instructor must be a happy man). It all goes downhill however, when he manages to look into a package during one delivery.
I will not delve further into the plot as I don't want to spoil your fun. The premise discussed here is nothing compared to the rest of the film. I especially liked the girl's father (Ric Young). He looked so unnatural (in Michael Jackson kind of sense) that I was sure that he would reveal himself as a woman at the end of the movie. All in all, the actors fit the plot perfectly: there is no Cannes or Oscar kind of performance here. Oh, and you actually get 2-in-1: a movie AND an endless BMW commercial, which makes "standard" product placement employed in other films nowadays pale in comparison.
To conclude: run, don't walk, to rent this movie: you will have so much fun it will hurt.
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on October 13, 2003
I didn't get to see this movie in the theaters, although I had wanted to. So I went ahead and picked up the DVD when it was released. I seem to remember this movie getting some good reviews when it was out, and I had some friends who had gone to see it, so I was looking forward to watching it. Jason Statham had been great in Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Unfortunately I was saddly disappointed by The Transporter. It was long, boring, and had lots of mindless and pointless action scenes.
And I think I know what the problem is.
The DVD includes 20 minutes of unseen action footage that has been added back in. I made a friend watch this DVD who had seen it in the theaters and he to was amazed at how bad it was, he didn't remember it being this bad. They'd messed up the movie by adding in that extra 20 minutes of garbage that had probably really been cut for a reason.
This may have been a 3 or 4 star movie when it was in the theaters, but it's only a 1 star DVD.
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on May 20, 2003
Don't get me wrong. I love a god action film. ... But this film, Transporter, is for the kids. Large caliber automatic weapons and handguns produce as much recoil as cap pistols, bullets somehow produce lighted streaks when sailing through the air and walls, and guided missiles are so slow to arrive on target that folks can see them coming and have time for a spot of dialogue before leaping to safety.
The film makers are only boys playing guns in this movie. Forget the "realism" with regard to firearms. The story itself is so clichéd I could barely believe it was being rehashed one more time. It was yet another "cold professional/assassin slowly reveals a heart through his forced protection of hostage/victim" storyline. As is often happens, the filmmakers and actors involved haven't got the skill to pull this trick off, and things are quick, sloppy and unconvincing.
The holes in this film are so huge as to make the whole thing comic. My favorite part is when a phalanx of bad guys assails the hero's château in France with everything from AK-47s to heat seeking missiles for a full one to two minutes, spewing rivers of spent cases the whole time, without either stirring the interest of any neighbors or police. The tough guys don't seem tough. The bad guys don't seem bad. Finally, the musical score and dialogue belong in a bush-league soft-core flick.
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on May 3, 2003
This movie made my brain cry. The reviewers that give this movie any praise make me mourn for humanity. I don't know why I have to work so hard to get through life, yet movies like this somehow weave their way through all checks and balances in the movie industry and in common sense itself. I will respect Amazon's wish for this space to be a review of the movie, but I will be brief...
This movie [stinks] on a level that I didn't even know existed until I saw the 30 "400" asians that were saved at the end. You'll know what I mean when you see it. Just promise me you won't rid yourself of the curse of sight with a hot poker.
This movie makes you feel the kind of stupid you feel the day after a night of binge drinking. After watching Jason Statham's career's suicide note, the only thing you'll want to do is pray for death with each self-inflicted hammer blow to your head. The badness of this movie is sublime. Trust me. Or don't, and let this inane excuse for a film wash over you like a big dumb wave.
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on May 1, 2003
How Luc Besson ever signed his name to this movie is beyond me. The writing is terrible and the way the movie tries to move between moods, point to point, is just ridiculous to me. Those two main things kill off any chance this movie had with me, and there was nothing else that came within miles of saving it. The action was mezza mezza, but it didn't have a prayer being attached to that anchor of a script.
I really like Jason Statham, and I had no reservations about his having the lead role in an action/drama movie. I really like Luc Besson too. La Femme Nikita and The Professional are two of my favorite movies. Maybe I was expecting too much, but I got less than I ever could have imagined. I cannot recommend this movie to anyone, at all, in any way. That's something I don't think I've ever said about a movie. Yeah, that's how little I think of it. I'd rate it 0 stars if it were possible. It makes me sad to hate a movie like this, but that's how it is with The Transporter.
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on July 29, 2003
Oh, dear, somebody thinks they're Guy Ritchie. Judging by the reviews of 'Swept Away', It's lucky somebody does. The two leads are incomprehensible so It's just as well they do most of their talking with their fists. Dumbest scene has the hero except a silver case after screwing up a job with some heavies. One sight of this and the global audience is yelling "it's a bomb!" But the coolest of the cool, one step ahead of everybody Transporter does not smell a rat. He obviously had not seen the old silver case ploy in 'Ronin'. But he shouldn't have to. "This film is fun" one of the film makers tells us in the special features. Yes, I love seeing two policemen murdered by the indirect actions of the dirtbag hero while carrying out their lawful duties. And the police chief just let's him off the hook? Bet that made him popular back at the squad room. Anything else? Yes, Jason Statham, get thee to stage school (he said at a discreet distance.)
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on April 11, 2003
Went to see this movie, and after the first 10 minutes, I was psyched. The opening scene gets you pumped and on the edge of your seat for a great car-action thriller. The music gets you into it, the noise, the driving stunts, flops into a boring, re-used plot, poorly set-up replay of any action movie involving a guy, a girl, kidnapping, rescue, and organized crime.
This movie could've done better in many aspects. There was not a lot of action IMO beyond the first scene. A movie with several of those scenes would be worth watching even if the plot stunk, which this one did. The "love story" in this movie was horrible. It basically went from two people hating each other, to being civil, to suddenly falling in love. No transition what so-ever. The plot is just recycled, and the acting is flat at best. Sorry folks, but this just wasn't what I had expected.
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on September 23, 2003
Another typical, senselessly violent pseudo-action flick. The acting is okay, albeit nothing to shout from the rooftops. The plot is as thin as as a triscuit, and the score? Holy cheese whiz, the score. One of THE worst soundtracks I have heard on film in the past decade. Regardless if I enjoyed the music or not (which I didn't), the soundtrack is supposed to fit the scene. Here on the great "Transporter", the music is way out on left field. And what's with all the 'XXX' comparisons? That movie was at least good for a laugh.
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on June 2, 2003
If all you want is some cool getaway scenes and bad figting scenes than buy this DVD, otherwise forget it. Music gets a mixed review. The score is o.k. and granted has a few good pieces but at times the music was played at the wrong time as when the transporter and the girl swim away from their house. Overall the director did a poor job sending The Transporter down with Titanic.
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on April 19, 2003
As stated in the other reviews, this movie has no plot, but does have constant action. However, the two main Asian actors must be "b" list retreads. The daughter's voice has the most annoying whine and the father should have at least gotten his teeth whitened before they made the movie. As far as the action, I thought xXx was bad, but this movie was far worse.
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