Customer Reviews

The Room

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

First, a quick quiz question: The Eye of Argon is to high fantasy what ______ is to independent cinema.

a.The Lord of the Rings - The Motion Picture Trilogy (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition)
b. The Dark Knight (Widescreen Single-Disc Edition)
c.The Godfather - The Coppola Restoration
d. The Room

If you guessed anything but "The Room," then you need to reacquaint yourself with the movie world. This may not be the worst movie ever made (I actually made myself watch Manos, the Hands of Fate!), but it's definitely down in the bottom ten -- it's brain-meltingly slow, stuffed with random scenes that accomplish nothing, and has some of the worst acting I've ever assaulted my eyeballs with.

Writer/director/producer/"actor" Tommy Wiseau plays Johnny, a guy living in San Francisco with his fiancee Lisa (Juliette Danielle). When they aren't having slow weird sex, they are hanging around rooftops with their friend Mark (Greg Sestero) or with the world's oldest teenager Denny (Phillip Haldiman). But for some reason Lisa gets sick of Tommy and decides to have sex with Mark (who always seems shocked when she does).

There's technically stuff going on in the meantime, such as random people coming to the house to have sex, Lisa's mom revealing she has cancer, a gun-toting drug dealer, and Lisa repeatedly telling everybody that she doesn't love Johnny anymore. But don't worry, none of this actually matters. In fact, if you shaved off all the random filler scenes, this movie would be about twenty minutes long... and if you shaved off the horribly boring sex scenes, it would be five.

Let's get this out of the way: "The Room" is a steaming pile of excrement. But this is not a run-of-the-mill horrible movie -- there are literally no upsides to this movie. The writing is ghastly ("I did not hit her. I did NAHT. Oh, hi Mark"), the direction is awful, the acting will make your eyes bleed, and there are freaky moments sprinkled throughout it (a creepiy teenager rolling around on a bed with a couple about to have sex).

And the acting is so bad that it's actually fun to watch. Oh, most of the actors are merely wooden, bland or absurd, but Tommy Wiseau reaches levels of acting badness that Jennifer Lopez can only dream of. He looks and acts like a zombie that has been dried to beef-jerky and then rehydrated, and speaks in a weird sort of New-Yawk-by-way-of-Paris accent. And his acting... hoo boy, if you can get through the "You're lyyyying to me Lisa. You're tearing me APAHT!" scene without laughing, I will pay you money.

"The Room" seems like it was written/directed by a half-asleep monkey with ADD, and the only good thing I can say about it is that it doesn't star Jar Jar Binks. But at least it makes for a hilarious MST3K experience.

Tom Wiseau, probably the worst thing to happen to cinema since...the invention of cinema! I can't believe that this guy who looks like he's a federally registered sex-offender got the green light and $6,000,000 to make this project! His writing, his directing and most of all the performances from not only him, but the entire cast are simply abominable. Still masochistically curious about it? Go to youtube and simply watch ANY scene that's available on there, and you'll be glad you didn't spend the $75 on this tripe of a film.

This is one the best ever movie made; you have to see it and have fun with it. See it in theater that's the best viewing. This movie is amazing and it will have you wandering around saying How is your sex live? You will think about life much different and you may learn that TWO IS BETTER THEN THREE! You must watch this movie and my suggestion is that you watch it with a group of friends to yell at the screen and throw spoons or play football see it in your local theater first before you buy the dvd of The Room. I'm rating this movie 5 stars because this is the best movie ever made.