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2.7 out of 5 stars
2.7 out of 5 stars
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on June 27, 2015
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TOP 100 REVIEWERon September 18, 2008
Galaxina may well be the dumbest, most boring science fiction film ever made. I was revving up to launch a full-scale assault of a review before the infinitely long opening credits ended - but now two things are holding me back. First of all - and heaven only knows why - this thing started to grow on me toward the end. This is the kind of film you can look back on and laugh about, even though virtually all of the movie's spoofs and jokes fall flat as a fritter while you're watching it. Second of all - and more importantly - the tragic death of Dorothy Stratten looms large over Galaxina. This beautiful young woman, who really wasn't all that bad an actress, never lived to see its release - or her twentieth birthday. Hers is not the only tragic story among Playboy centerfolds (Stafford was Miss August 1979 and 1980s' Playmate of the Year), but it is the most tragic. She was brutally murdered by her estranged husband, who then cowardly committed suicide.

It's obvious that 1980's Galaxina was designed as a spoof of Star Wars, Star Trek, Alien, 2001, and other contemporary science fiction films (and westerns, as well). As such, it really doesn't work. The jokes come hard and fast and often, but only a couple of them brought even the trace of a laugh to my lips. The first half of the film is also exceedingly boring. Most of the extremely eclectic crew members of the intergalactic police cruiser Infinity are just annoying - and Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten) herself is just eye candy. As a robot - an exceedingly human-like robot - she silently controls the ship and spends most of her time just sitting in a chair fiddling with some of the gizmos inside her wrist (and, I must mention, completely clothed - albeit in a form-fitting spacesuit. I'm actually glad that this film features no nudity; it would have been all too easy to stick the Playmate of the Year into a film and put her naked body on display, but it's always a really tawdry thing to do - and it's not something I would want hanging over the memory of her tragic death at such a young age.) Fortunately, Captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber) livens things up a little, and the rock-eating alien prisoner down in the brig makes good use of his limited screen time to steal the show more than once.

The guys have already spent seven years on their current mission and are anxious to return home. Unfortunately, Headquarters offers them an offer they can't refuse - it's up to them to travel to a distant planet and retrieve the Blue Star (DOO WAH - yes, they stupidly play music and make every one look around, like the Clampetts hearing the doorbell, every time those two words are said). That's a 27-year trip there and back. Sgt. Thor (Stephen Macht) had already developed romantic feelings for Galaxina (even though she's a robot and he can't even touch her without getting a serious electrical shock), but that whole unfeeling, silent robot thing seemed to be a pretty big impediment. While Thor and the guys are sleeping away the next 27 years, though, Galaxina has a lot of time to think - and to reprogram herself.

Somebody spent a lot of time designing all manner of silly-looking aliens, but special kudos go to whoever came up with the idea of including a band of outlaw descendants worshipping their god "Harley David Son." Sadly, though, nothing in this film is as funny as it was supposed to be. Still, I find myself liking this film more and more as I think about it (but I couldn't possibly tell you why).
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on August 11, 2003
There's nothing more awful than a comedy that isn't funny. Apparently the folks who made Galaxina were going for a kind of space-movie parody with sex, but there is exactly ONE funny bit in the movie. The bikers on the distant planet who worship Harley Davidson by bowing down to a motorcycle and going "Vroom! Vroom!" That's it. It lasts about 10 seconds, and pfft, end of funny. Quite honestly, has there EVER been a funny space-movie parody besides "Galaxy Quest?" Ever? Nope. And this one isn't either. The jokes are so bad, and so labored, and take so long to arrive, and are delivered so badly, that it's agonizing.
The sex part? THERE ISN'T ANY. Not unless you count the scene in the space bordello, which is neither sexy nor funny. So the movie fails on both counts; it's not funny, and it's not sexy. It just sort of flops around from disconnected scene to disconnected scene. All the guys in the movie are slimy cheeseballs with open shirts and ASCOTS. And then there's Avery Schreiber. Avery Schreiber. Who told this guy he was funny? Can we sue them? Was he funny? Ever?
And what was this movie shot on? I mean, the whole film is blurry. It's out of focus all the way through. I've seen MP3's with better image resolution than this movie.
The only thing that might make this dreadful failure worth watching at all, for even five seconds, is Dorothy Stratton. Poor Dorothy. She can't act, of course, but she is beautiful, even in the sublimely stupid outfits they put her in here. And she goes through this thing like a trooper, doing exactly what she's supposed to, which is act like a robot.
Trust me, this movie's not even good no matter how many of whatever substances you imbibe. It's too awful to even make fun of. It's just plain awful. Unless you are absolutely obsessed with Dorothy Stratton or you have some weird need to collect every bad science fiction movie ever made, avoid this like the plague.
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on April 17, 2003
I love Dorothy Stratten. She was the first Playmate I ever saw and she was the most incredible vision I'd ever seen. I love Science Fiction. I grew up with it and I've read and seen just about everything ever released. I love good bad movies. The first time I saw Deathrace 2000, I couldn't stop laughing. Toxie is a personal hero of mine. I live for Friday night to watch good bad movies and munch on popcorn.
I only mention all of the above to preface my review because they're important. I'm exactly the intended target audience for this movie.
It's bad. Really bad. Bad bad. Using terms like "witty" and "humorous" are completely out of place with this movie. I had a friend in grade school who made witty movies. This isn't even close.
My first impression was incredibly poor. The A G O N I Z I N G L Y slow pan along the length of the spaceship while music that sounded like it was lifted from a Bugs Bunny cartoon in a more serious moment seemed like it would never end. And then it went downhill.
There is no sense of sequence to the story. It's a hodge-podge of scenes that seem to have been written by someone determined to see how bad a movie could be and still be funded and released by a theater. Well, now we know.
The acting is beyond cardboard, the supposed "parody" simply a matter of trying to reference other movies everyone would know without realizing you need to do something clever with it to be funny, and throughout all of this is the maddening Bugs Bunny classical soundtrack.
Don't waste your time... even if you think it would be worth trying to see how bad it is. That's why I saw it. I've seen thousands of movies, and this is my first movie review. That should tell you how bad this movie must be.
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on October 16, 2002
Galaxina is one of those movies that you either like, or hate. No in between. It has a lot of adult humor, and adult language, and is a bit off kilter!
As to this DVD version: I like it a lot better than the tape. Much crisper, clearer picture and audio. I wish there were more added features, but with the star's demise, I guess a lot was lost.
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on July 27, 2002
Well we have here a sorts of galactic adventures started in the final and first 80's.
Galaxina(Dorothy R Stratten) is a female robot which leds in the Eternity Police starship.
The crew including a cowboy a shaggy beared captain,a black vampire(or cousin of Mr Spock the vulcanian) and a japanese old man.
They get a mission got to a remote planet to get the Blue Star(ahhh!) from a alien robot which lives in a west town style full of aliens.
Of course they sent Galaxina to get the treasure.
After she is captured by a band of Harley Davidson believers they rescued her and returns to the ship.
The dialogue is a bit cheesy the humour and jokes are very obvius and the intents of Galaxina of talk are evident.
The presence of playmate DRS at least worth the money.
The sound is clear and audible,but the image clarity is poor,it seems that the transfer was done from an old vhs tape.
They should make a better image quality.
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on September 23, 2001
I don't care what anyone else says, but for the goofy script and tongue-in-cheek comedy I think Bill Sachs is a genious. The film quality copy process, however, leaves much to be desired, through no fault of Mr. Sachs. Whoever the slobs were who basically did nothing but show their unprofessional attitude with this DVD release should be defrocked and locked in a cage for future film editors and scientists to study.
I've always been a cult comedy and sci-fi movie buff, and this has some hilarious scenes, including the colony of space bikers who worship their Lord, "Ha-Ley David San AH-OOM, AH-OOM." Rock Eater utters his famous insult at the Captain, and don't forget THE BLUE STAR aaaahhhhhhhhhh! Galaxina is always calm, cool, shockingly electric in more than just design, and of course there are the typical crew of space cowboys with one who wants to be more than a crewmate with Galaxina, just to mix it up with the hero/heroine approach. I think the director did a wonderful job at corny comedy sci-fi, and I hope in the future a better release film-quality-wise is produced than what is currently on the market.
Oh my aching gyros....!
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on March 27, 2001
Dorothy R. Stratton (the R stands for Ruth) is Galaxina. She is a beautiful robot of sorts. She basically runs the spacecraft. She is electrified so she can't be touched. What isn't immediately known is her ability to adjust her ZAPPING tendencies. She also teaches herself to talk. It turns out she is pretty smart too. Outwits a real alien, learns how to kick-start a Harly Davidson, she even falls in love. Knows how she can have children (it's in the catalog). She was brutally murdered at the age of twenty.
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on January 9, 2001
My dad made this movie. And I've never seen a good quality version of it. We have a lot of old tapes but they are terrible pan and scan and in some parts the entire panavision is squeezed onto the screen so everyone looks really tall and thin. We were eqcited to hear of the DVD and were terrified to find it's made from the same bad print. We know of people who have it on film and high quality versions do exist. It's sad the DVD is so bad though.
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on December 14, 2000
Being a "D" collector and owning Galaxina on laser disc I was greatly excited to hear that a DVD was coming out in widescreen. I must admit to great shock at finding out that the print they used for this DVD seems to be the exact one used in the laser disc. It is not even Pan and Scan. It is just tunnel/zoom vision. The techs just took the middle of the film and zoomed in until it filled the T.V. screen! No interest or care seems to have been taken to find the original print and remaster it. The only saving grace is the angelic presence of Dorothy Stratten. She was heavenly beauty descended. Her best film presence was in the movie "They all laughed" which I really wish Bogdanovich would remaster and release on DVD. Get this DVD only for "D".
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