Most helpful critical review
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on May 18, 2004
Dominic Sena' Swordfish will go down in history as the movie where Halle Berry was topless for the first time onscreen. Sadly, that's the only thing people will ever remember about this awful movie.
Swordfish is supposed to be about this ex-con computer hacker (Hugh Jackman) recruited by Gabriel and Ginger (John Travolta and Halle Berry) to hack into a government computer system and steal billions of dollars in seized drug money. At least that's what the plot is roughly supposed to be. Somewhere after Halle Berry's gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene the plot becomes totally incoherent in its attempts to create twists and turns to shock the viewer. These logic-bending turns make an already weak story turn into a logic defying brain-mushing pile of drivel. There is no structure to the story and how it's set up; the scenes don't come together to make sense or even make a cohesive story. Stuff just happens because the producers wanted car chases, shootouts and explosions in the film even though there's no reason for them to be there. This film is for the short attention span crowd that likes XXX and The Fast and the Furious; trying to figure out why things happened in this mindless movie will give you an aneurysm.
Long story short, there are shoot-outs with guys in black SUVs, He hacks the system and gives them the money, Gabriel flies out in his helicopter to shoot senator who was helping him Afterward, there's a bank robbery they take hostages, Big explosion from opening scene explained, Gabriel hangs Ginger, He hacks system to get them money in bank, Gabriel shoots Ginger, hostages get on bus, For no reason, helicopter picks up a bus, malfunctions bus lands on building, Hostages fall off building and blow up, more stuff blows up, Gabriel gets in a Helicopter flies away, Jackman blows it up with a rocket launcher even though he has never used one in his life, Gabriel is confirmed dead, BUT HE'S NOT GABRIEL! He's an INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST. Jackman gets his daughter and drives off into the sunset. In the end, Ginger and Gabriel (who somehow survives being blown up in a helicopter) goes to a foreign bank get the stolen money and ride off in their yacht into the sunset while a luxury liner explodes behind them. Did that make sense to you? It didn't to me.
I have to wonder did a chimp with ADHD write this script? And did the same chimp with ADHD have friends with the same disability to greenlight this disaster? I can't believe in this day and age someone with a college education and works for major movie studio would spend over $80 million dollars to deliberately make a movie with a story as ridiculous as this one. Most of the money must have gone for Travolta's salary and those unnecessary CGI effects are added for absolutely no reason at all.
A five second shot at Halle Berry's topless chest isn't worth having to deal with this brain-numbing drivel calling itself a movie. (...) At least you'll get what you pay for. For an exciting crime caper movie get Ocean's Eleven, The Thomas Crown Affair or The Italian Job.