Q: Do you know what happens when you're home alone with the flu, and the DVD player is broken?
A: You end up watching stuff like "Keeping Up With the Kardashians."
And Keeping Up with the Kardashians: The Complete First Season is best appreciated when your brain is soaked with Nyquil. This reality show chronicles the daily lives of the famous-for-being-famous Kardashians, but it's so painfully contrived and scripted that it feels like a really dull sitcom, starring a really creepy family.
So, the family in question involves sex-tape socialite Kim Kardashian and her equally vapid sisters Kourtney and Khloe, her creepy brother Robert (who comments on "hot" nude pictures of his own sister... eww!), flaky younger half-sisters Kylie and Kendalls, freaky stage-mom Kris (who pressures her daughter into a nude Playboy shoot), and Kris' long-suffering husband Bruce Jenner.
So as the series goes on, they deal with sexy nannies, photo shoots (both Girls Gone Wild and Playboy), Kris' defects as a manager, Khloe getting arrested for a DUI on the anniversary of her father's death, makeovers for the homeless, puppies, a pregnancy scare, a near-wedding in Vegas, and a FBI investigation into Kourtney's leaked sex photos.
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" is allegedly a reality show, but I'm not really sure about that. It's painfully and obviously clear that everything in this show is scripted, without a single moment of spontaneity. Even worse, it's BORING -- most of it is about the family hanging around complaining, posing sexily, or partying.
Plus, every episode has a crisis that is tidily resolved and never referred to again (Khloe's DUI). And they have some kind of moral at the end like "lying to your spouse is bad," "kindness is good," "driving and driving is bad," etc. Is this a sitcom?
It doesn't help that few people in the Jenner/Kardashian family are really likable; you end up feeling sorry for Bruce Jenner for having to deal with this on a daily basis. Kim, Kourtney and Khloe are all vapid, whiny and hopelessly spoiled, and none of them seem to be able to show ANY convincing emotions (Kourtney experiences a pregnancy scare, a near-wedding AND a sex scandal... but never changes expression).
Worst of all is Kris, the reptilian stage-mom -- one hilarious scene has her pretending to cry over her ex-husband's death, dabbing at the corners of her perfectly made-up, dry eyes. Seriously, was the intent to make us hate her? She repeatedly lies to her husband, and constantly tries to sexually peddle her daughters to the public!
"Keeping Up With the Kardashians" is a tedious reality-sitcom that never lets you forget that everything is scripted, especially since none of the Kardashians can act. Pass it by.