Customer Reviews

Birdemic: Shock And Terror [Blu-ray]

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Manos, the Hands of Fate. Showgirls. Troll 2. The Room. And now we have "Birdemic."

Nothing I say about this movie really matters. It has joined the small but notorious ranks of movies that are so utterly horrible, they become classic comedies -- it's a Z-grade "romantic thriller" (neither romantic nor thrilling) which tells us that A) Al Gore is God and B) global warming causes birds to become explosive kamikaze death machines that vomit acid.

The perfectly-named Rod (Alan Bagh) is a software programmer living in.... a town somewhere, where he makes a fortune in a software deal, and decides to make his own environmentally-friendly company. He also romances a model named Nathalie (Whitney Moore); they dance, talk with her boring mom, talk about stuff, look at dead birds, and eventually have sex at a motel.

Yeah, you're probably wondering where the explosive birds are. Apparently sex summons them, because the next morning, the entire state is being assaulted by giant exploding birds of prey. They also slit throats and puke acid. Why? Because of global warming. It's SCIENCE!

So Nathalie and Rod must escape with Deadmeat #1 and Deadmeat #2, rescue a couple of insufferably narcissistic children, and wander around so they can encountering people who tell them that Evil Humans Causing Global Warming are responsible for everything bad. Can they save themselves, or will the Deadly Birds just sort of wander off?

Yeah, this movie is truly dreadful. As in, I'm amazed that director James Nguyen actually got this big stinking slimy turkey into theaters. EVERYTHING about this movie is inept -- the editing, sound, music, the silly special effects. I mean, the explosive birds are "hovering eagle" GIFs that just sort of hang in space, flapping the tips of their wings. WHAT THE?

But Nguyen's skill-vacuum also encompasses writing and plotting. The first half of the story is just random people wandering around doing... nothing much. Fortunately, the second half is a LOT more entertaining, with hysterically silly action scenes (yes! Fight off those birds with coat hangers!) and mind-blowingly silly dialogue ("We must act more like astronauts, spacemen taking care of Spaceship Earth").

Oh yes, the environmental message. Well, let's just say that Nguyen never misses a single opportunity to beat us senseless with his anti-war, anti-oil, environmental message. Characters appear, spew a Big Important Message, and then vanish forever.

As for the acting... what acting? Bagh lives up to his character's name, except I think a curtain rod might show more emotion; Moore is slightly more convincing, but she's not a good enough actress to hide her obvious revulsion at Bagh's very presence. The other actors are either forgettable (that Marine and his girlfriend) or teeth-grindingly annoying (the kids).

And it's WONDERFUL. "Birdemic" is one of those movies that gets every little thing WRONG, and it ends up being hysterically funny as a result. Everyone should see this explosive turkey and appreciate it for its unintentional hilarity.

We had heard how awful this movie was and we thought we'd get it just for a laugh. It was indeed the worst script, worst acting and worst editing ever seen in a movie. I hope there will be a sequel.