Customer Reviews

2 Headed Shark Attack

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A 2-headed shark and Carmen Electra? Man, I live for B-movies like this one, and nobody does it better than The Asylum. I was a little worried when I saw Brooke Hogan in the cast list, but we're still talking about a bloodthirsty 2-headed shark on a rampage here (not to mention a gaggle of college girls in bikinis) - what could possibly go wrong? I'll tell you what could go wrong and does go wrong in this movie - the entire cast is horrible. You could have built a replica of the Trojan Horse from all of the wooden acting on display here. And annoying!? If I had to choose between getting eaten by a 2-headed shark and being shipwrecked with the characters in this movie, I would be giving "suicide by shark" some serious consideration. Naturally, there are also all sorts of continuity errors, bad special effects, and giant plot holes, but what else would you expect from The Asylum? Heck, it's part of their B-movie rip-off charm, if you ask me.

So some kind of Podunk college offers some kind of Semester at Sea program, which leads to a bunch of scantily-clad college kids sunbathing, flirting, and goofing off onboard a boat while their professor futilely tries to teach them how to use a sextant. I thought the professor looked like he should be Jerry O'Connell's stunt double (except he isn't a good enough actor to be a stunt double), and now I know why - it's Jerry O'Connell's brother Charlie. Professor Babish does have one thing going for him, though - he's married to Carmen Electra's character (she's apparently some kind of doctor, but she can barely wrap an injured leg and apparently did her residency at a tanning salon). Both of them are useless when the ship hits something in the water and suffers a small but significant hull breach. Luckily, the ship happens to be a short distance away from an atoll, so the professor and kids take a dingy to the island while the crew tries to repair the ship. That's about the time our two-headed shark shows up to ruin everyone's day. I won't even try to describe all the stupid shenanigans that go on the rest of the way. Even if these people didn't needlessly put themselves in danger time and time again, they would only be safe for so long because the atoll they're on is quickly sinking into the sea (which I take as a sign that God hated these characters as much as I did). Geoff Ward deserves special mention, as he makes a strong run at "most annoying character ever" as a brainless, muscle-bound punk whose arrogance is only rivaled by his cowardice. Heck, Brooke Hogan plays the only character with half a brain in this entire movie.

Two scenes stick out in my mind. At one point, a certain adult character falls and skins his leg - and cries about it like a two-year-old who had her favorite doll stolen. You would think this guy is dying a most painful death, when all he really needs is a Band-Aid. None of the people actually being eaten by the shark carry on like this putz. The other scene is classic, though, and pretty much stands as the saving grace of the entire film. The two-headed shark flips this one dude up into the air with his tail, dives down, and then jumps up to double-chomp the guy before he lands back into the water. I had to rewind and watch that scene over again - it almost makes up for all of the horrible CGI effects and stock footage shots of the shark. Speaking of bad special effects, the filmmakers originally wanted to have the shark's second head growing out of its forehead. Now, that would have really been stupid.

I have to say I'm pretty disappointed with this film. Mutant monster movies starring B- and C-grade actors is supposed to be The Asylum's bread and butter, but they really let me down with this one. 2-Headed Shark Attack does feature more gore than I'm used to seeing from The Asylum, but that's about the only positive thing I can take with me from this movie.