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on July 15, 2001
"Boundaries in Dating" is a guide toward dating intentionally, intended for those who wish to have some spiritual guidance in their dating relationships. It helps to answer in part questions that should be a part of any dating relationship: where is God in all of this, and what role does God play in our dating relationship? How do I reflect God's values in my approach toward dating?
In Part 1, the authors recommend the approach of "taking God on a date" with you. They encourage requiring and embodying truth in dating relationships, guard against repeating the past, and remind that "dating won't cure a lonely heart," for that role belongs to God. (Additional spiritual reading, such as Henri J. M. Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love," support the theme of addressing needs and loneliness from a spiritual perspective as a foundation to addressing them from a relational perspective.) Part 2 examines character discernment of one's dating partner, and Part 3 examines self-reflection, particularly the issues of clinging to false hope (when a dating partner's actions don't support stated intentions) and the role of blame. Part 3 is particularly valuable in assigning responsibilities to roles in the dating relationship, sorting out what's your responsibility and what responsibility lies with your dating partner.
Chapter 17, "Set Appropriate Physical Limits," is the best discussion I've ever read on the long-term, destructive effect of premarital sex on our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being. Far more than being merely prohibitive, it examines deeply the importance of delaying self-gratification. It provides a refreshingly thought-provoking and countercultural reminder that God's ways are not the ways of the culture in which we live, and what a challenge it is to integrate these two ways of life, should one choose to do so.
"Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those she is in contact with," the authors write. "Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you." Countering the common assumption that dating is limited to "finding the right one," Cloud and Townsend take the spiritual approach that dating and relating is just as much about "learning about your own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them." That dating should bring us closer to God seems to be the authors' ultimate goal in writing this book.
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on March 4, 2011
When entering the dating world at any point in life this book will help you discover who you are in a relationship. It will give you insight on different personalities in a dating relationship and help you figure out what to avoid and what to pursue in a potential committed relationship. When coming out of a divorce and faced with dating again with the fear of making the same mistakes, I found this book very helpful. I will keep it like a reference book and constant reminder.
I am sure you will benefit from this book!
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on January 21, 2002
Boundaries in dating is a very good book. It provides many examples of problems in relationships and how they are worked out. This book gives good evidence to support dating, but it also gives good reasons when dating should be put off. It helps people in relationships to get through conflicts, and it helps others avoid conflicts in future relationships. This book is a great guide for those who are looking to start better relationships with new people, and those who are looking to give their old relationship a new start. I really enjoyed this book and I thought it was very helpful. I learned a lot about dating, and how certain problems in a relationship might be my fault instead of my partners. I recommend this book to every male and female, single or not. It will answer many questions about conflicts and boundaries in dating today.
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on October 7, 2002
My family raved about "Boundaries In Marriage" (also written by the same authors as this book). I had never heard of the series before, but thought I would give this "dating" book a try. I have never spent so much time taking notes, (I didn't get the workbook and should have... but just ordered it) and highlighting things. It gave me a new sense of depth... for myself and for future relationships. It also ensured current beliefs and brought me to new levels that I otherwise wouldn't have obtained on my own. Though this book is based on the reader being Christian, the general idea is great for everyone... Christian or not!
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on May 14, 2002
My Christian teenage daugher has many Christain friends who have bought TOTALLY into the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. One of them gave the book to her in order (I think) to set her straight. She is a very bright, fun, thoughtful young lady who has dated and had some very good experiences with it and also rough experiences. She and I both read the book and discussed it together. It left her very distressed. She was made to feel like dating was a sin and yet, she couldn't really understand (Biblically) why. I, too, was very bothered by the legalistic approach of that book.
I went in search of a resource to clarify things for both my daughter and myself. I found this book and read it first before giving it to my daughter (no need to set her up for more confusion!) This book gives a wonderful and clear outline on the purposes and values of dating. It is biblically-based and sound in its information. My daughter is about halfway through reading it and as we discuss it, she is constantly saying, "now this makes sense". I especially appreciate the empasis placed on the issue of maturity in dating and how God can use dating (if done within His boundaries) to grow her into a mature Christian woman who will have the ability to make a wise decision when the time comes for her to marry.
She plans to share this book with all of her friends!
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on October 14, 2000
Boundaries in Dating is an excellent book for those who wish to enter the dating scene and form healthy relationships. It is for those who have never dated, and for those who are tired of failed relationships, and for those people who are happily dating, but want to continue towards excellence. When I began reading this book, I realized how many times I had compromised my personal boundaries, and how each time I did that I was plagued with guilt. It was a pattern that this book helped me to recognize. I have now taken ownership of my part in dating problems. I have also learned that the other person has problems that only he can fix. As a result of reading this book, prayer, and listening to the Holy Spirit, I am able to discern more quickly whether a particular person is whom I desire to spend time with. Christians will find this book especially helpful because of the spiritual approach, but I recommend it to others as well.
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on March 8, 2000
Full of wisdom and insight, this is one of the best books ever written about dating from a Christian perspective! This book has helped me identify unhealthy issues in my own dating patterns and areas in my life that I need to work on...and has given me courage and affirmation to date healthy, safe and balanced individuals. I'm sure that you will find it to be a source of education and encouragement as well. The topic of setting boundaries is a bit conceptual however, with a thorough understanding of its importance, you will be well equip to apply the truths outlined in the book to your own personal situations. A strength of the book lies in the practical examples the authors share to clarify each of the key principals and to help you apply them in your life. (I'd suggest reading the first book, "Boundaries" for a more indepth overview).
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on May 8, 2004
As I read this book I appreciated that he aknowledged that scripture never said not to date. However other parts seemed very empty to me. The chapter on sexual relationships encouraged us to not engage in premarital sex simply to protect our feelings he did not aknowledge that God commands us not to. This book very much is a reaction to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and I was excited to read it because I felt "I kissed Dating Goodbye" made some good points but still was a little hollow. This book went to the other extreme and encourages people to date many people at the same time. I do not feel that this is a good solution either. Chapter 4 "dating won't cure a lonely heart" is a timely message that many of us need to hear. The book for this chapter is worth reading. Just be aware that the whole book is not wonderful.
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on January 11, 2001
A fairly strong book with some pretty insightful stuff regarding the boundaries that you have to set and maintain in a dating relationship. The point of the book is that the boundaries you set now will determine the relationship you grow into later.
Very true, but I didn't really feel challenged by this book and felt that most of it was common sense. The chapter on physical boundaries basically said to save yourself for marriage. I agree, but what about other, hazier areas? Not answered.
Nothing very revolutionary and I'm not sure how much I'll apply anything new that I learned.
I think this book might be best for Christians new in their faith and really trying to get an idea for how a dating relationship fits into their life.
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on October 21, 2000
This is the first time that a book was so helpful I wanted to write a review. The book is written with a Christian focus, but the relationship issues that are identified are universal. My dating relationship had recently ended and reading this book was essential for the healing of my broken heart. I was able to see how my lack of boundaries contributed to our problems. I was also able to identify character deficits in my ex and understand that it was better to be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to identify the recurring patterns in their relationships and take ownership for their role in these patterns so that they can have more satisfying relationships inthe future.
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