Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – Mar 18 2002
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In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
'Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive!' -- Josh McDowell, , Author
'This book is going to provide a doorway of understanding and freedom for those of us who have allowed ourselves to be buried in the inability to say no. Thank you once again, Henry and John, for helping us toward freedom.' -- Rich Buhler, , Author
'Boundaries define everything from football fields to nation-states, yet our culture has pretended it could violate boundaries in human relationships without serious consequences. Cloud and Townsend examine the damage caused by this flawed view and point the way back.' -- Cal Thomas, , Author
'In this insightful and extremely helpful book, you will learn about a simple concept that can change your life: healthy boundaries. It's the ability to mark off your life in such a way that you multiply your love for others and minimize the problems you face. And it's waiting for you when you open this book I highly recommend.' -- John Trent, PhD, , President
'I've heard a myriad of sermons on Christian servanthood that never discussed the value of saying 'NO!' in order to confront in love or to provide space to recharge the batteries. 'Boundaries' is the 'Untold Story' -- the other side of love and servanthood that we need so desperately but that we hear so little about.' -- Howard G. Hendricks, , Chairman --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
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Top Customer Reviews
-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"
In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.
And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...
The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.
This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World.
On reading several negative comments about the book, I notice the persons complain of things that are actually not promoted in the book - there is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries, "Bonding first, boundaries second". Like any concept it could be taken to an extreme. I should warn that without a strong biblical background or the support of a group these concepts could easily be misapplied and used as weapons (boundaries are not weapons) instead of defenses to protect who we are.
The risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fatc that this book is biblically sound, and promotes healthy relational concepts -- if applied correctly.
I'd been struggling in a relationship with my girlfriend in which I couldn't seem to say "no" to "physical stuff" & never really felt like I could make a choice--like she and I were kind of melting together. I felt addicted to her, and I was miserable and desperate.
About that time, I was also a first-year middle school teacher and my kids were constantly getting the best of me ("F*** you, Mr. Bockmann!") & my administration wasn't backing me up. I hated my job.
So I bought the book and devoured it like a starving man devours meat & potatoes :0)
I won't go into detail about its contents (you can see a list of chapters if you click on the "Boundaries" book jacket link), but suffice it to say that my life has changed dramatically since I've read this book & put its principles into action.
Moreover, it prepared me for the responses I would get from people who were used to my boundary-less former self: from "You're so cold!" to "You don't love me!" to outright screaming of horrible things at me (by my own mother, no less). Thanks to Boundaries, I was able to stand my ground, respect my mother, and get throught those times.
She has never yelled at me since then, and our relationship has become one of growing mutual respect and love. The difference is incredible.
I'm also happy to say that, though my students hated me during my first year (they claimed I wasn't being fair, of all things...and they were right!), I was able to employ boundaries with my ensuing classes, with whom my popularity knew no ends.Read more ›
Most recent customer reviews
I have the audio book version and a paper copy, so insightful on how to not only protect your peice of mind but actualy help thoes you love by saying no! Read morePublished 1 month ago by Coffee Queen
Absolutely amazing and life changing book. Highly recommend it, it will change your mindset for the better.Published 2 months ago by Amazon Customer
It's a pocket mini version. I was expecting a regular copy. The content of the book is great.Published 4 months ago by Claudia L.
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