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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – Mar 18 2002

4.0 out of 5 stars 174 customer reviews

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Paperback, Mar 18 2002
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  • Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition edition (March 18 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310247454
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310247456
  • Product Dimensions: 13.9 x 2 x 21.6 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 318 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars 174 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #1,480 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

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In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

'Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive!' -- Josh McDowell, , Author

'This book is going to provide a doorway of understanding and freedom for those of us who have allowed ourselves to be buried in the inability to say no. Thank you once again, Henry and John, for helping us toward freedom.' -- Rich Buhler, , Author

'Boundaries define everything from football fields to nation-states, yet our culture has pretended it could violate boundaries in human relationships without serious consequences. Cloud and Townsend examine the damage caused by this flawed view and point the way back.' -- Cal Thomas, , Author

'In this insightful and extremely helpful book, you will learn about a simple concept that can change your life: healthy boundaries. It's the ability to mark off your life in such a way that you multiply your love for others and minimize the problems you face. And it's waiting for you when you open this book I highly recommend.' -- John Trent, PhD, , President

'I've heard a myriad of sermons on Christian servanthood that never discussed the value of saying 'NO!' in order to confront in love or to provide space to recharge the batteries. 'Boundaries' is the 'Untold Story' -- the other side of love and servanthood that we need so desperately but that we hear so little about.' -- Howard G. Hendricks, , Chairman --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:

-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"

In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.

And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...

-your family
-your friends
-your mate
-your kids
-your self

The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.

This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World.
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Format: Paperback
Recently I'd reached a stage of being overwhelmed by life; I'd been recommended several books, and I read "Boundaries" as the first one, the others being "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald and "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. After reading Boundaries, I have come to terms with my own inability to set personal boundaries and I took ownership of my own choices which I have made.
On reading several negative comments about the book, I notice the persons complain of things that are actually not promoted in the book - there is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries, "Bonding first, boundaries second". Like any concept it could be taken to an extreme. I should warn that without a strong biblical background or the support of a group these concepts could easily be misapplied and used as weapons (boundaries are not weapons) instead of defenses to protect who we are.
The risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fatc that this book is biblically sound, and promotes healthy relational concepts -- if applied correctly.
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Format: Hardcover
I was astonished to receive this book and discover it was a tiny hardback book about 2" square with a very brief precis of what the real book contains. when I went back to read the review I discovered the words 'min edition' which means miniature. I know the original cost more, but books are often on sale at this site, and that is what I assumed when I ordered it. Pretty misleading I think.
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Format: Hardcover
The subtitle caught my eye: "When to say YES...When to say NO...to take control of your life."
I'd been struggling in a relationship with my girlfriend in which I couldn't seem to say "no" to "physical stuff" & never really felt like I could make a choice--like she and I were kind of melting together. I felt addicted to her, and I was miserable and desperate.
About that time, I was also a first-year middle school teacher and my kids were constantly getting the best of me ("F*** you, Mr. Bockmann!") & my administration wasn't backing me up. I hated my job.
So I bought the book and devoured it like a starving man devours meat & potatoes :0)
I won't go into detail about its contents (you can see a list of chapters if you click on the "Boundaries" book jacket link), but suffice it to say that my life has changed dramatically since I've read this book & put its principles into action.
Moreover, it prepared me for the responses I would get from people who were used to my boundary-less former self: from "You're so cold!" to "You don't love me!" to outright screaming of horrible things at me (by my own mother, no less). Thanks to Boundaries, I was able to stand my ground, respect my mother, and get throught those times.
She has never yelled at me since then, and our relationship has become one of growing mutual respect and love. The difference is incredible.
I'm also happy to say that, though my students hated me during my first year (they claimed I wasn't being fair, of all things...and they were right!), I was able to employ boundaries with my ensuing classes, with whom my popularity knew no ends.
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Format: Hardcover
I have worked as a jail chaplain for almost twenty years and this book has been both an inspiration and a clarifier. Not only is it important for me to set clear boundaries in the work place with inmates, but because of the nature of the work on my personal life, I've needed to set countless boundaries in my relationship with people who don't understand my love and concern for the incarcerated. I have asked all of my volunteers to read the book also because we've used it as a teaching tool for inmates, most of whom have never learned how to set boundaries. We have found it most helpful in dealing with battered and abused women, as well as those needing anger management. Because the text is filled with biblical principles, I believe it is in line with what God chooses for us, but allows us to make the choice for ourselves. Personally, I also have children and grandchildren and I'm using the guidelines to create a place of harmony in my home. Thank you, Drs. Cloud and Townsend for giving us a user friendly guide to boundaries and the happiness they give.
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