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on May 16, 2004
I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won't say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me.
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on January 29, 2004
For many years, I was in a completely codependent relationship and did not know how to break out of it. Then I figure a way out on my own. At least I thought I did... but what happened was that I just changed the people around me and the relationships were essentially the same. After reading this great book, I finally stopped blaming other people for my relatioship problems and began looking into myself. It was then that my life really began to make a positive change. I then read another excellent book called, "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and I began seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It provided me the motivation to move on from my codependent relationships. It is a tough thing to deal with your own issues inside but it is the only way out and the only way to real happiness. Are you ready to do some real work and step out of your own misery? If your answer is yes, I recommend these books to you.
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on December 20, 2002
So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don't have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of codependency tweaks your life; always for the worse.
Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments come from. But I do know that I am halfway through this book and I am very impressed. I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered family. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.
If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.
Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"? Has your own social circle dwindled or vanished, so that now only your partner and his/her friends are 'your' social group? Would you like to know why it's so hard to get out of bed every morning, and why you spend so much time worrying about that certain person in your life, while worrying too little about yourself?
Codependency is not a catch-all problem, nor is it remedied over night. But I'd dare say that at least half or more of American adults--indeed adults across the entire world--struggle with some form of codependent behavior. And if you want a deeper insight into this problem, what it is, what it is not, and how it messes with your life, then read this book, and gain strength from understanding.
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on April 8, 2003
CODEPENDENT NO MORE is the best self help book I have ever read. It gives a clear insight on how to deal with all types of feelings such as fear, despair, depression, and anger. First the book reveals how to process these feelings rather than deny them and then how to move on to feelings like love, joy, fulfillment, and just feeling okay about yourself in general by giving your life a new spiritual meaning. This book also promotes a healthy relationship with yourself and others by teaching the reader how to take care of himself/herself and create happiness rather than attempting to achieve martyrdom by resenting and controlling others which ultimately manifests into depression and anger. In her private life, the author has moved from an alcoholic and drug addict, a rape victim, a prostitute/stripper, and finally a welfare recipient to a well adjusted best-selling author and a spiritual advisor. Her life itself is a miracle. She has a way of passing the magic and the spiritual techniques that she used to transform her own life to the lives of her readers. I have read all of her books and I recommend them all. I read her meditation book THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO daily with my morning coffee. CODEPENDENT NO MORE is a wonderful book...I couldn't put it down, because I kept relating my own behavior and the kind of life I wanted to live to every page...You'll love it.
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on October 5, 2003
If you have codependency issues, this is the bible for codependency issues. Start reading and start caring for yourself and stop letting others manipulate you. Learn to let go.
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on March 10, 2003
I read a review on here that said calling codependency "a progressive disease which can eventually lead to death is absolutely ludicrous, sky-high rhetoric." I am glad this reviewer has never felt the overwhelming depression and despair of codependency that can lead to thoughts of suicide but I am here to tell you that I have felt it and this book did save my life. Fortunately, I read it at a time when I needed it most. For anyone to say that you just need to "get a life" or grow up, they are obviously not people who need this book.
If you feel that you are constantly going in circles trying to please everyone in your life, this is the book for you. If you feel that you are not "good enough" to be around other people, this book is for you. Even if you are not surrounded by chemically-dependent people you can still be codependent.
I read this book for the first time about 12 years ago. I have bought and given away many copies and don't even own my own copy at this point. Getting past being a people-pleaser does not make you nasty or selfish or an egomaniac. Instead it allows you to give of yourself fully to those things that YOU want to give fully to. You learn to say yes to what you really want to do instead of being a doormat who can never say no because it just isn't nice.
Read this book for yourself. Please don't let the naysayers persuade you against this book. You don't have to be a fan of 12-step programs to read this book. I tried that route and it did not work for me but this book did. Good luck to everyone becoming the person you were meant to be!
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on August 29, 2003
A friend gave this book to me many years ago and I never read it until just recently. I feel like I have been blown out of the water since reading this book. This book forces you to look at yourself and your relationship in a new way and once you see what is really going on, you have no choice but to change your life. It is painful at first but you know that it is the only way to the next step in your development. If you are ready to take a step out of codependence, this book is a treasure. If you'd like to understand what all of this relationship stuff means in relation to human development, spirituality, and evolution, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and it will illuminate you like no other book. Both of these books are indispensible to me right now.
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on June 4, 2004
This author is one of the most honest, insightful, and thoughtful writers in the world of recovery. I own a copy of each of her books. You are encouraged and blessed with each chapter. I refer to her codependency books frequently to remind myself what getting better is all about. Thanks, Melody!
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on January 5, 2001
This is the best book I've ever read about letting go of unhealthy attachments to people and the pain associated with it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever loved an addictive person, an abusive person, or lived in a family with dysfunctional behavior. To me, the best lessons explained in this book are "you cannot change other people - they will only change when they are ready" and "detaching from an unhealthy situation doesn't mean detaching from the love you feel for a person, it means setting yourself free from the pain of your involvement with them."
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on June 26, 2004
This is the one that started it all and changed the way we communicate, act and treat co-dependent relationships. The book was a breakthrough when it first came out, and it is still an invaluable resource and guidebook. Extremely helpful
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