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The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships Paperback – Nov 14 2014

4.7 out of 5 stars 65 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Avon; 2 edition (April 14 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006074104X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060741044
  • Product Dimensions: 13.5 x 1.5 x 20.3 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 181 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars 65 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #68,484 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

Review

Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths. --Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy

"Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths."--Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy

About the Author

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I had already read "The Anger Habit," and I thought that book changed my life completely. I might have stopped there, having learned so much and been so much more at peace. I'm glad I didn't. "The Dance of Anger" is along completely different lines, but it still has taught me invaluable lessons. Mostly, I am learning what is my responsibility and what is not. I think I had things completely backward, as so many of us do. My whole attitude and perspective have changed. My husband is impressed with the changes in me and says he will read this book after he finishes "The Anger Habit." I consider this book a gift in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
It is wonderfully written with identifiable cases,clear,concise wording that brings insight as to where our anger originates and how we can take responsibility for it and take action to deal with it.I t is wonderful because it provides insight into all relationships regardless of the level of intimacy,ranging from,parent,sibling to spouse.Anyone wantin to change their interactions an relationships with people they love would benefit from reading this book.
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By A Customer on June 9 2004
Format: Paperback
I challenge anyone to say "I have never done that before". We all do these "dances" she speaks of all the time, I don't care if you are a woman or a man. It doesn't have to be a husband/wife relationship either, it happens in all relationships. Her theory is sound and true and can very well help you to end these "dances" (fights/problems) you have with other people. It was *very* enlightening to see what we do actually spelled out for us because so much we do we do without realizing or giving 2nd thought to.
Read this book from beginning to end before trying this stuff. Secondly, keep in mind one very important thing...as much as you can change your attitude, others can change theirs and not always in the direction you hope they will. Her methods do work, but you must be prepared in some instances to "let go" of people that cause you strife if you plan to try to change these "dances" with whom ever you do this with. The reason is that maybe you don't want to let go of your mother or your friend or who ever, but they might want to let "you" go because they don't like the change. Now, she tells you that in the book anyway, but just ready yourself for it. I had a few friends that I either let go or they let me go and now I am feeling a little excluded. Sure, there are no more fights or "bad times" but that let go of the good too. I couldn't get an in-between. Mind you, this worked WONDERS with some other people I tried it on and actually solidified the relationships more. Just be prepared that you win some, you lose some...you can't change people to follow this "new" dance if they don't want to and it is always hard to let go.
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Format: Paperback
When I first picked up this book I thought it was a great, light and easy read but overly naive and simplistic about changing one's relationship and life. In fact, I didn't believe that any self help book could really be helpful. Was I ever wrong. Without even realizing the lessons sunk into my semiconsciousness and over the years I found myself using Lerner's lessons more and more, sometimes without even realizing at the time from where I had obtained my new insights, courage and skills. I even got a sense of camaraderie from this book, realizing I was not alone in carving out a clearer self. I recently reread this book after a few years, and I was really gratified to see how I had improved my functioning in my relationships. I still have plenty of work left but hey, I could have been used case study in this book.
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Format: Paperback
Many years ago someone recommended that I read this book but I didn't bother. I thought "Yeah right, another self-help book. I don't think so!" I was so wrong. This book dares to take on that ugly, taboo emotion: ANGER! If you never learned good solutions for understanding and dealing with your anger, this is a book you need to read. It is filled with insight about anger. It also offers constructive solutions for getting rid of anger, and improving relationships with people who make us angry. It deals with generational patterns of anger! This book is not just for women. Men, too, could learn a lot from reading this book and putting it's suggestions into practice. Very highly recommended.
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Format: Paperback
My therapist recommended this book and it has helped me immensely. As someone who was reluctant to engage in therapy or read self-help books, I was very surprised by what Harriet Lerner's book had to offer. Lerner explains that relationships are often stuck in patterns or "dances" and that these patterns repeat themselves again and again in times of anger. Lerner shows you how you can recognize and change your own patterns. Such changes lead to a greater understanding of self and healthier relationships. This book can really help you to see things in a new light.
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By A Customer on Oct. 21 2003
Format: Paperback
This book was recommended to me by my therapist, who claimed it was an excellent book for helping women learn to deal with some of life's difficult situations. And it delivers! Learning the "dance" steps was so enlightening. Dr. Lerner helps the reader to understand complex interpersonal behaviors using language we can all relate to. Her section near the end of the book on "triangles" (an example is when your mother complains to you about your brother/sister, rather than talking to him/her directly) was equally helpful to me. I knew what the problem was in my family, but now I have an understanding of the underlying issues as well as how to avoid this very upsetting trap that some of us find ourselves caught in. This was my first Harriet Lerner book, and it's underlined throughout. I highly recommend it to anyone who is serious about wanting to improve her relationships. If you are not serious, however, if you only want some handholding, you may as well call a sympathetic friend instead. This book will greatly help those who are ready to work at their relationships, but the fainthearted will probably not benefit much from all it has to offer.
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