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Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think Paperback – Apr 15 2008
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I think he should have been more clear about that point. The story he tells of how men think is probably scary enough to women reading the book. I worry that since he's revealing so many things that are probably surprises to most women, that leaving something like this so unclear could lead women to think that "normal" men actually look at their close relatives sexually. I can tell you, at least for this man, and I know for most normal men, that this is definitely not the case. I suppose you could argue that this is just socialization, and that in the absence of societal rules against it, sex between close relatives would happen more often than it does. But it wouldn't surprise me if we're wired to avoid sex with close relatives. I'm sure the anthropologists know which one it is, but in the end it really doesn't matter. Normal men don't have sex with their relatives, and they don't look at them sexually, AT ALL.
I had one other gripe with the book. He talks about communication styles, and says that men aren't really interested in talking, other than as a means of exchanging information. I think this perpetuates a caricature of men as unemotional, non-communicative simpletons. And while I've had the pleasure of sharing a beer or two with many fine fellows who fit that description, I would respectfully disagree with the author. Many men, myself included, enjoy intelligent conversation, and emotional conversation, that has nothing to do with exchanging information. Intelligent, articulate women are very sexy, and intelligent men crave interaction with that type of woman.
I would strongly encourage women to buy and read this book despite the criticisms above. Men really are wired to be bad boys, and women are repeatedly hurt when they discover this all over again. But they hold on to the hope that they'll find a man who is different. The bad news is that this man doesn't exist, and that's the central point of this book. That's probably disturbing news for most women, but I think it's really critical that women understand this. We can be trained to behave ourselves, but we're bad boys at our core, we think bad thoughts, and the better you understand that, the less disappointed you'll be in us, and the happier you'll be in your life.
However, he also wants to redeem men, too, but ends up contradicting himself when he does. For example, he says men only write poetry to lure women into bed…but then says the fact that men write poetry prove how sensitive they are.
So which is it – is poetry a means to trick women into bed or to express sincere emotions?
Another example is claiming men are simple and honest, so their words should be taken at face value. However, he also says they’ll lie to get a woman into bed and are also lying when they say, “I’ll call you.”
Despite all this trickery, the author claims men can love, but only after getting sex. So before sex, they’re objectifying women and tricking them into bed without remorse. But after sex, they somehow grow a conscience and are now ready to relate on a human level.
Given sex is the key to love, he advises women to (1) dress as slutty as possible, so a man knows she’ll put out and (2) put out as early as possible. The author also gives tips on how to get a good grade in bed. So the higher the grade, the higher his “love”.
So does this mean when a man has sex with a prostitute, he falls in love? Prostitutes dress sexy and put out right away. So the movie Pretty Woman was based on reality?
This advice is absurd and although the author claims he’s helping women, I got the impression he hates them. For example, he says when men have sex with you, the whole time they're imagining someone else. Even if this were true, how does a woman benefit from knowing this? I got the impression he enjoyed this mental torture.
The author also has double standards, too. For example, he thinks Lucy from the show “I Love Lucy” is despicable because she lies and exploits people to get what she wants. Yet he’s fine when men lie and exploit women to get sex.
He also says it’s a turn-off when women are workaholics because it means less attention for her man. Yet he’s fine with men being workaholics.
I’m not sure why the author wrote this book. Is it to convince women that men are too shallow for deep connection, so they need to objectify themselves like he would? If that's the case, then not only does he not respect women, he doesn’t respect men as well.
My second reaction: "So that's what my husband has been trying to tell me, only in a subtler (or not so subtle) way."
And thus went my feelings throughout the book: disgusted, then enlightened, then disgusted again.
The book was highly entertaining, well written, easy to read, and humorous.
That being said, it was a bit graphic for my taste. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but a closest friend, let alone actually talk to people about it. Call me pretentious, but I would find it embarrassing.
And I wouldn't want to meet the author in person. I would constantly be thinking about what he was thinking about and be completely embarrassed. At least I can live in denial with most guys!
On the other hand, this book just might help out a few male/female relationships, or at least open up communication between the man and the woman. Maybe even mine. (Not that men would care about improved communication unless sex is involved.) And if it did that, then this book has deserves a good review.
This question in Matthews' quiz sums up the biggest benefit I gained: "Your guy accidentally lets it slip how attractive he thinks Scarlett Johansson is. What he really means is: a) She's pretty and sexy and you're a cow; b) She's pretty and sexy and you could never, ever, possibly satisfy him as long as that [...] is alive; c) She's pretty and sexy and he's hoping you'll pick up on the fact that he's dissatisfied with your relationship and is trying to let you down softly so that he might be free to pursue his beloved Scarlett; d) She's pretty and sexy and it has absolutely nothing to do with you."
Now that I know the answer, I feel much better about life and think many of my relationship tensions will disappear.
And if you don't know the answer, you will definitely want to read this book. Most men are jerks, true, but not complicated jerks...
In his book, Matthews goes over common myths women have about men, what men want from women, both in bed and in a relationship, dating scenarios, and much more. He answers some questions from real women and some of those answers may just astonish you. Some of Matthews' claims were predictable (Men like sex.) but some just blew me away. Matthews will tell you things most men would deny because they think you wouldn't approve.
Matthews is straightforward, entertaining, and brutally honest. He understands the way men and women think and is able to illustrate the differences between the two with examples. He is somehow able to translate between the men thought process and the women thought process. I'm definitely looking forward to reading his next book.
While reading Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think, there were times that I was surprised, and even appalled at times, by the claims Matthews makes. So, I asked my husband to verify the information I was skeptical of. Of course I had to convince him I wanted his honest answer and promise that I wouldn't get mad at him for anything he said in response. Everything he said reaffirmed what Matthews had claimed. It also opened up some very interesting conversations.
Every woman should read Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think. You will walk away feeling like you have a better understanding of the men in your life, or at least how they think. It will more than likely help you with your relationships.
Before I read this book, I knew that men and women think differently, but I didn't really understand how men think and how their thinking differs from ours. While there may have been a few things I would have been more comfortable not knowing, the vast majority of the information is extremely useful and priceless for any woman in a relationship with a man or wanting to be in one.
Matthews is not condescending at all - but "all telling" with a humor that makes the "medicine go down" very easily for the female reader.
After reading it I was not "mad" at men anymore, but felt as if I understood them much better and even had an advantage over men - which feels great! Based on my own past relationship experience, some things he writes are incredibly shocking - but I would rather know the truth than go around confused and dressed like a crafty sweet Martha Stewart (unless that was what I wanted to be like). Now I know "what men think and want". He cuts to the chase making it easier for the female.
Matthews does not fault women in the book either, nor does he fault men. He just explains with great humor and candor "the secret facts, differences between the two sexes and why that is the way it is"...and writes it in a way I have never heard before. I now have a total new insight to men, my men friends, and my husband. Now I can finally help other females who are always forever plighted with the mystery and woes of men and relationships! I would say to them - "Just buy this book and READ it! Life will get BETTER for you." You may think you know some things, but Matthews let me know and understand things that I just didn't "get" before. Now I do! I feel very empowered after reading this book and cannot wait to "experiment" a bit with his sound advice! I also could not put this book down. I literally turned off the phone, sat and read it with no interruptions. It is not only a fantastic read, it was about the most informative factual book on men I have ever read. His honesty is informative, VERY fresh and different -plus a total page turner! Excellent book!!
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