- Paperback: 304 pages
- Publisher: Harper Perennial; REV edition (Oct. 6 1999)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0380811960
- ISBN-13: 978-0380811960
- Product Dimensions: 13.3 x 2.5 x 20.3 cm
- Shipping Weight: 249 g
- Average Customer Review: 174 customer reviews
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #188,423 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Paperback – Aug 1 1999
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"An exceptional work, not simply just another 'how to' bookAll parents can use these methods to improve the everyday quality of their relationships with their children." -- Fort Worth Star Telegram
"Faber and Mazlish are doing for parenting today what Dr. Spock did for our generation." -- Parent Magazine
"Practical, sensible, lucid the approaches Faber and Mazlish lay out are so logical you wonder why you read them with such a burst of discovery." -- Family Journal
"Will bring about more cooperation from children than all the yelling and pleading in the world." -- Christian Science Monitor
About the Author
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.See all Product description
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We have started putting some of the advice and tips from the first few chapters into practice at home and we are already seeing an improvement. A lot of what is said in the book makes sense and is the complete opposite of how most of us were raised. I find myself saying a lot of the same things some of the parents in the book had said. Once I started reading the book, I sure got an eye opener.
I will continue reading the book and putting the advice to good use. I understand it will take some time to implement and see the changes I want but I am very hopeful that we have finally found the solution to help my oldest with her behavior issues.
I highly recommend any parent reading this book. I am sure this book is a life changer for those that read and put into action.
I would say buying the original book is a better bet - even if you have teenagers and not kids. The original one is longer and more thorough, though if you are looking for a quick read this book would be better.
However the examples in How to Talk So Teens Will Listen do have teenagers as the examples, which may be more helpful.
The authors are amazing and they do a great job with almost every book they write, so it is still a great book.
Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge since it's been such a short time, but I'm just so excited I feel like I found a pot of gold.
It's not like my daughter was such a problem child before. She is almost five. She has been a little on the hyper side since she was born. As she has gotten older it has been getting more and more difficult to get her to cooperate, participate, or communicate at home or in preschool. I was desparate to find something that might reverse the trend before it became a real problem.
Just as one example... It has always been difficult to get her to clean up after herself. She loves to use scissors and she makes a mess with scraps of paper ending up all over the house and in the baby's mouth. Yesterday, I watched as she cut out a circle from a piece of paper. She put the paper with the hole in it on the table and brought the circle to me to look at. After I admired the circle I said "I noticed you put the piece of paper you cut this from on the table. That was very tidy of you." She smiled and ran back to the table. She noticed there were a few pieces of paper on the floor she had dropped previous to this. She picked them up and put them on the table. She's never done that before without me telling her and usually having to repeat myself over and over! She didn't even look back at me to see if I was watching.
In general she seems more relaxed (i.e. not as hyper), happier, and much more confident. I even noticed this morning when I took her to preschool she at once ran over to play with her friends, rather than hanging back shyly and waiting for one of them to come to her like she always has in the past. That was always painful for me to watch. Today, it was so beautiful, I had a lump in my throat.
It's not that I think that my parenting style before this was so terrible. For example I always tried to be understanding before, but this book explained to me that some things I did that I thought were understanding were actually not.
For example, sometimes my daughter doesn't like some clothes in her closet, even if she helped me pick it out. In the past, I'd say sweetly "You don't like it? It's such a pretty dress. You told me you liked it before. That's why I bought it for you. I don't understand. Tell me why don't you like it now?" I thought I was being very undertanding because I would say it in a sweet pleasant voice and give her the opportunity to explain her side to me. But the end result was always that she would become agitated and she wouldn't wear the dress that day and not for a long time until she forgot she told me she didn't like it. Now I say something like "Oh, you've decided you don't like it anymore. Do you remember when you helped me pick it out? You liked it then, but I see you've changed your mind. Well, I still like it. I think it is so pretty. Maybe you'll change your mind again one day and you'll like it again. So I'll just put it back in the closet just in case." Sometimes the very next day she declares to me that she has changed her mind and she wants to wear the dress that day.
Similarly, I always tried to praise whenever I caught her doing something well, but this book has taught me more effective ways to praise and how not to criticize (which I realize only now how much I was doing).
I'm so excited, I went out and bought a few other books that explain this type of parenting, like "Parent Effectiveness Training." I haven't read them yet, but when I do, I'll try to write a review.
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