Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship Mass Market Paperback – Jul 1998
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The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Library Journal
You're from another planet if you don't know who wrote this singles dating guide.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.
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Top Customer Reviews
The basic idea of the book is that there are five stages to the dating process:
The rest of the book is a collection of insights on how to make relationships successful or how to recognize when it is time to end a relationship.
First, I must admit that being involved in a traditional relationship (I am a married heterosexual) the insights in the book seemed fairly relevant and well designed. But, this is also one of the problems I see with the book. The book is designed exclusively for traditional, heterosexual relationships. If you are not a man or a woman looking for someone of the opposite sex to marry, then this isn't the book for you. The ultimate goal, as defined in the book, is marriage. If you are not looking to get married, then this isn't the book for you.
The book is written from a very traditional perspective. With the increase in non-traditional relationships (homosexuality, bisexuality, cohabitation, etc.) this book could alienate a lot of people. Also, there are continual references to God throughout the book. These references often coincide with a concept the author calls 'soul mates'. There is a trend in American society away from the traditional view of God, specifically seeing God as an active force in people's lives. As a result, this book could also alienate those people that don't believe in God or don't feel that God is active in their lives. And the idea of soul mates (as Dr.Read more ›
He gives gender-specific advice. He says that the man's role in dating is to make the woman happy, and that the woman's role is to acknowledge that the man is making her happy. He says that women shouldn't pursue men; he doesn't give a reason, which is a shame, because a rule like that is a constraint on a process which is already hard. He says that men should apologise more and should make a point of calling back; politeness is a good thing, although I've not found it a gender issue.
I disagreed with most things in this book. What bothers me is that John is a relationship expert while I am anything but, and that a lot of people have found this book useful. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe it's a cultural thing. It may well be that I'm delusional and the world really is as John describes it; although if it is, I don't think I'll be doing any dating - it doesn't sound much fun!
Most of the suggestions are so preposterous that I could read them verbatim at Open Mike Night at a comedy club and bring the house down. Some gems with my comments in brackets:
"If you're a woman in a restaurant, go to the rest room repeatedly so you can catch the eye of men." [And hope that a convention of urologists is in town?]
"If you wear a uniform, wear it when you're off duty because people will approach someone in a uniform." [I'm sure the meter reader from the local utility company is besieged with offers in between houses.]
"If you don't attend a church or synagogue, go to the one where there are the most eligible people." [Hey, who's got the best babes, the synagogue or the Episcopalian church?]
"If you don't like a museum, go to one and ask an art lover questions." [Allow me to display my total ignorance and annoy you. Two surefire ways to get you to spend the rest of your life with me.]
Finally my favorite of the list I've read so far:
"If you go to a bar and drink alcohol, go to a place where they don't serve alcohol. Your soulmate might not drink." [As opposed to 'If you don't do crack, go to a crackhouse because your soulmate might be a crackhead.']
I wish I were making these up, but I'm simply not that clever.
But then the author began giving unbalanced treatment, primarily telling women how they ought to behave and what they ought to say. The message was that a man has a large and fragile ego, and that a woman should support his ego. She should never disagree with him, except "playfully". In public, she should paint him as a white knight, regardless of what really happened.
Perhaps it was just the author's writing style, but most of his examples, supposedly of real couples he'd observed or counseled, seemed made-up.
Finally, at the end of the book, the author insults the reader's intelligence with an idiotic, redundant, and unnecessary list of 101 places to look for a mate. Very patronizing.
Most recent customer reviews
Awesome book! makes you understand relationships and how they progress. It makes you realize how men and women really do think differently.Published 10 months ago by Isabelle LeBreton
This is now my ultimate reference. It covers the phases of a date, released my worries because I do understand better our differences and how to feel less resentful in a... Read morePublished on May 11 2014 by Vicky St-Hilaire
I've read this book numerous times and each time I learn something useful. Although redundant at times, this is a must read for any young couple. Read morePublished on April 12 2014 by Alexandre
There were so many light bulbs going off in my head that I lit up the room! I am about half way through and looking forward to the rest. Read morePublished on Dec 23 2012 by Sherri H Brideau
Even though I take all of John Gray's books with a grain of salt, they most certainly have come in handy. They DO make some things clear. Read morePublished on Aug. 15 2011 by rachelleme
If you are not a believer of this psychology, all I can say is give it two months of honest 100% trial, and you will be amazed at the results. Read morePublished on March 18 2011 by Violet Vega
John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date" is a solid piece of work, with well-reasoned insights into the dynamics of male-female romantic relationships. Read morePublished on April 10 2004 by DBW
A year ago,I didn't want to believe this book was the truth.I wanted to believe I could be the agressor in dating and relationships. Read morePublished on Feb. 29 2004
I heard about this book and decided to check it out at the library. I really enjoyed it. This book is easy to read, insightful and funny. Read morePublished on Dec 26 2003