- Paperback: 368 pages
- Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 1 edition (April 3 2012)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 9780060574215
- ISBN-13: 978-0060574215
- ASIN: 0060574216
- Product Dimensions: 13.5 x 2.1 x 20.3 cm
- Shipping Weight: 259 g
- Customer Reviews: 3,144 customer ratings
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #1,541 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex Paperback – April 3 2012
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From the Inside Flap
Rediscover the most famous relationship book ever published
Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.
Based on years of successful counseling of couples and individuals, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has helped millions of couples transform their relationships. Now viewed as a modern classic, this phenomenal book has helped men and women realize how different they can be in their communication styles, their emotional needs, and their modes of behavior--and offers the secrets of communicating without conflicts, allowing couples to give intimacy every chance to grow.--USA Today
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Pros : You're going to learn a lot about you and your partner. You're going to learn from which planet are you in this or that area just like you're going to learn the same about your partner.
Cons : You're going to feel stupid for every time you misinterpreted your partner language. It comes with a pros tho, you now have a tool to don't do it again.
P.s. To the one review that says "it categorize people". Categorization / generalization is completly normal and even healthy to do. It is a natural process of learning and only a general idea. To which applies the exception rule "Everything has at least one exception, even this rule." The book clearly says it, sometime, a male might feels more from Venus while a woman might feels more from Mars and that's completly fine. To whom that p.s. concerns, next time, don't interpret, read.
I wasn't a huge fan of the constant analogy use in the first couple chapters, but Dr. Gray was able to create a more fluent dialogue in later chapters. I felt myself just waiting for the point in the first 5-6 chapters, but then felt like I could get into the flow of the book through to the end.
He uses multiple examples to illustrate his lessons, and I could definitely resonate with the message. I've been actively incorporating what I've learned in this book to become a greater listener/partner with my wife.
TLDR; It's likely a must read for understanding your relationship at a deeper level.
Top international reviews
I noticed how politically out of date it is as it suggests a lot that women are more likely to do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and child rearing than the man is, and he can score points with her by taking her out to dinner. In my house, everything is 50/50 and we don't score points against each other, whatever the author says.
The book doesn't really touch at all on the basis for most couples arguments; money and financial infidelity. The outdated PC issues aside, I felt that there was a lot of nonsense in the second half of the book that I found it hard to relate to. The author boasts how he can 'heal' 20-year marriages in a weekend. I don't agree. Deep rooted psychological or communicative issues that have dogged long-term couples since the outset are unlikely to be healed in 48 hours. I felt the book was a little patronising to this extent.
In the beginning I felt there were some interesting concepts that I cold see certainly related to other couples I know, but then I lost interest around the time he started to introduce writing love letters. I don't see how this is helpful as it is pandering to the lack of communication couples have. Just talk to each other for crying out loud, don't make silly little games out of it just open your mouth and pour out what's inside. Basically, don't hold onto it and let it eat you alive.
I think the book could be revised to be more befitting to the modern societal values. I would not recommend this book at all. A lot of condescending waffle.
I didn't even manage the first chapter. Example- Sue should not comment if Tom is driving and is lost as he will feel unappreciated - when Sue doesn't comment, Tom feels valued and appreciates her consideration. WTF? It's like reading a Woman's own guide from the 1950s. This is just brain numbing rubbish
This is a relationship book for adult men and women… yet it is written for children, smart last year primary school children who have a limitless attention span. The idea that men and women are from different planets and forgot they’re not the same, isn’t just on the cover, it’s not even just in the intro (which is a good place for it), it’s in the entire book. Every page is so condescendingly simplistic, I felt like I was watching one of Laci Greens old YouTube videos on sex ed.
And much like Laci Greens old content, most of it isn’t necessarily bad advice, the problem is that it genuinely doesn’t know exactly what it is talking about, yet it’s stating opinions as if it’s proven fact.
Now there are differences between the sexes, in fact there’s far more difference than similarities, but there are some similarities. This book goes on as if there are none, it just makes blanket black and white generalizations about the sexes, that doesn’t take into account the grey. As such, the generalisations are wrong.
For example, he talks about how when women complain about issues, they don’t want to have solutions, they just want to empathized with, while men don’t want to be empathized with when complaining about problems, because men only complain about something if they want advice. Now to some extent this is true, it might even be more true than false, but it is at least partly false. As a man myself, there has been some times in my life where I haven’t been at my strongest, and just needed to vent and have someone validate it, and in my life at least 3 different women have responded to me like this unempathetically with advice. But as far as this book is concerned, that cross over never happens.
Honestly, this reads as a man who has generalized himself as a representative of all men, and his wife as a representative of all women, not accounting any of those differences to personality type or upbringing, and accounting all of them to innate gender. And he’s done so with short, overly simplistic, black and white metaphors, stretched to ridiculous excess.
Seriously, all books have filler, that’s par for the course. If a book doesn’t have filler it’s either a pamphlet, or a really good book. I have never seen so much filler in my life. The second chapter can literally be done in one sentence that it does in 15 pages, and still has the exact same amount of information provided: “Emotional people don’t want advise, they want empathy, for people only want advise when they ask for it”. How does someone stretch a sentence like that into 15 pages and not add any more value to it what so ever?
Honestly, this just makes me think there needs to be a case study to find out why things like this or Laci Greens old content become so popular in the first place.
For example, it talks about how love has seasons Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter and it speaks to the acceptance of these. However, having been broken up with in a distinct spring/summer season not long ago despite being in a place of acceptance of these, it was difficult to read those passages without a feeling of „I get the principles, but never got the opportunity to action“.
Now of course these feelings come from a deeply personal place and are solely based on my own experience, but I think it would have been nice to have an introduction specifying specifically what stage of a relationship this book is geared towards as I don’t remember that being a subject and possibly advice would differ depending on the maturity of the relationship.
Having said that I learnt a lot from this book and it was a great read, with the ability to gain a lot of insight and understanding of the generic differences (which will still need to be applied to each individual as an individual instead of just accepting each point as a given) and I will be moving on to read some of the other material out there - like mars and Venus on a date. Good stuff! :)
I’m taking it with a pinch of salt but I’m not sure I would recommend?
I learnt thing's that blew my mind about myself, I could of wrote this book!
It's so so accurate to how is women feel emotionally.
I also learnt a lot about men and why they're so annoying ;) it's quite sad as we tend to misenterprate their problem solving nature as uncaring & not listening to us.
This book should be given out at around the age of 13/14 in school and I swear there would be a lot more happier adults going forward
Lots of what is in here rang true and the suggestions and strategies outlined are easy to put into practice straight away.
My one criticism is that it can be a little repetitive in parts. However, this is easily forgiven by the usefulness of the overall advice.
I would recommend this book.