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Mom's House, Dad's House Paperback – Nov 18 1997

3.6 out of 5 stars 26 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone; REV1 edition (Nov. 18 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0684830787
  • ISBN-13: 978-0684830780
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 2.3 x 21.4 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 386 g
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars 26 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #102,436 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

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According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend."

About the Author

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.

Customer Reviews

3.6 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

By A Customer on June 16 2003
Format: Paperback
I think this is an extraordinarily valuable book. This was my guide through a very painful process, perhaps the single most difficult thing I've ever experienced.
I think the book correctly takes the high road, and focuses on the right things. This book won't heal your hurts, it's not supposed to do that. It can help you get on with life. And, my circumstances were very, very painful - involving addiction, infidelity and deceit. I chose to be an adult, and keep my kids out of the process. Thanks to this book, I was able to avoid a lot of the "battling tops" games that typically arise in these situations. I got down to business, put my emotions in check, and got it done. And, I'm a MUCH happier person today.
And, the proof is in the pudding: my kids about got STRAIGHT A's, DURING the divorce process. Their lives continued, while Mom and Dad figured it out, as adults, away from them. That's how it should be, they're the innocent victims. There were no games, no using the kids, no yelling. My ex and I crafted a very unique parenting plan, that was applauded by our attorneys AND the Judge.
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Format: Paperback
If parents can get along as well as Ricci purports in this book, then I don't see why they would have ever gotten divorced. While I do think that parents need to make the children a priority in divorce, this book can tend to make divorced parents feel like failures if they do miss their children when they are visiting the other parent or make custodial parents feel guilty for having primary custody. Her stories of how divorced mates still love each other and admire each other from afar and work together in harmony for the sake of the children tend to read more like a fairy tale than the reality of most divorce situations.
This book fails to address issues of selfish parents and what to do with an ex spouse who is bitter and angry and consistently uses the child(ren) as a weapon(s). The book tends to villainize parents with primary custody, making them sound like selfish control freaks who only have their own interests at heart and not their child's. In most cases that I have seen, this is far from the truth and joint custody isn't nearly as rosy as Ricci claims it can be.
If you can pull it off, I give you lots of credit. But very few divorced parents that I know can do this successfully.
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Format: Paperback
I have to say that I am currently in the process and almost finished reading the original Mom's House, Dad's House - Making Shared Custody Work and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has changed my belief system on shared placement (responsibilities). The very first page of Chap. 1 made me cry. My main concern was that our son (4 1/2) feel as though he had a place HE could call HOME. I felt that flip flopping back and forth on the current 5,5,2,2 day schedule was unstable for him. I feel as though an angel touched me on the shoulder and brought this book into my life. My view instantly changed about shared placement when the little girl from Chap. 1 responds to the businessman on the airplane that she has two "real" homes. I tear up thinking about each time. I no longer feel that our son should be placed primarily with me - that he will have 2 homes - 2 families and that is wonderful for him. I especially love the use of "rose" words and changing ! such terms of "visiting" to "living with" each parent. I have already implemented the use of these terms. The surveys are also wonderful self examinations that (if answered truthfully) will be so educational for you. The use of a "Parent Agreement" is also something I think is wonderful. I have already typed the initial draft and I plan to approach my child's father with it and get his input. It was great to see the different stages literally mapped out for you. I also enjoyed the chapter on changing your once intimate relationship into a business relationship and avoiding the negative intimacy that can be so prevalent in these situations and how to avoid "hot spots".
I cannot emphasize how inspirational this book has been for me!!
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Format: Paperback
The second edition is a welcome addition to my reference bookshelf, where the first edition has been sitting for two years, because I refer to it frequently.What it does is sort out the complexities of the whole process of disentangling and making a new life for yourself when you "break up", while maintaining a two-parent life for your children. It addresses the overwhelming decisions and crushing emotions that paralyze us, force us into hasty decisions and bad judgments, and send us running to someone else to make those decisions, or leave us depressed, immobile, or worse. Reading this book gave me a road map, a feeling that the author has seen thousands of people go through this process and can tell us what helps and what works. My experience is that this book works, I wish I had had it going INTO my marriage. There are no cure-alls here. Many of the suggestions take extensive time and thought, but the author persuaded me that if I didn't do it now, I'd still be dealing with the same issues in five or ten years. My stepchildren and lots of 30 and 40-year-olds are still dealing with their PARENTS' divorce. As soon as I started making lists for meetings, prioritizing my issues, ticking off the items in the parenting agreement that would and wouldn't be big issues in my particular situation, I felt better. Once in the process of working through my "family change" using the book, I understood that each small accomplishment builds you up for the next one and is basically creating your new life for you as you deal with the immediate issues of finances, custody, how to have a conversation with your ex, and how to recognize the parallel path your children are traveling with all of their specific problems (different from the parents').Read more ›
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