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My Horizontal Life Paperback – May 20 2005

4.2 out of 5 stars 31 customer reviews

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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Bloomsbury US (May 20 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1582346186
  • ISBN-13: 978-1582346182
  • Product Dimensions: 13.9 x 1.5 x 21.2 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 204 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars 31 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #135,787 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny essays... smart, funny, and quick read." (Library Journal Review)

"Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is…she is too clever for words." (Liz Smith New York Post)

In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt."
(Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry, Dating Big Bird, and Her)

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."
(Jay Leno)

"This book is no-holds-barred hilarious."
(Jennifer Weiner, author of In Her Shoes and Little Earthquakes)

"[Chelsea] just might be funnier than David Sedaris."
(Dallas Observer)

"Prime reading material for anyone looking to laugh their hiney off."
(About.com)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I first heard about Chelsea Handler when I started watching “Chelsea Lately” when it first aired, I immediately fell in love with her sense of humor & delivery, she’s hilarious!

The Book: It is truly laugh-out-loud funny, I was reading it at an office job on my lunch breaks & I would be laughing so hard in the break room, this girl leaves nothing to the imagination & is a true comic.

If you haven’t watched her show, watch it, & if you haven’t read her books, read them! This & “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” Are by far my favorites, unfortunately, her most recent ones, not so much.
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Format: Paperback
This book is pretty funny. I actually laughed out loud at least once per chapter. I didn't expect much from it and only started reading it out of boredom. The book is broken up into smaller stories (each chapter is a short story) which makes it easier to read if you only have small amounts of time to read - but you likely won't want to put it down as the stories are very amusing. I actually like this so much that I am interested in reading Chelsea Handler's other book, "Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea" - a book that I have seen the cover of many times and had assumed it would most definitely be very unfunny (I guess that's why they say, "Never judge a book by its cover"). If you like rude, crude, and embarrassing tales of promiscuity, you'll enjoy this read.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
It is great to read an honest account by a woman like this. She coins some pretty good lines and tells a good joke. It is interesting she still seems a little loney after this life but it is great she can live a life like this and not be judged. My only reason for writing this review is that I am mystifed that a man who lived like this would be called a misogynist. E.g. the lead character in 2.5 men. is anyone calling Chelsea a man-hater or whatever term would be coined for her? I think the term misogynist in this context is absurd.
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By Fia on June 16 2011
Format: Paperback
I love Chelsea Handler. She always makes me laugh on tv. I found this book really funny. But when it reached about half way through, I was a little tired of reading about HOW MUCH sex she actually had with so many men! lol There were so many stories it got a little boring after a while. But still a good and EASY read ;) lol
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I read this in 24 hours! Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman ever! Her life stories are unbelievable!
DEFINITELY recommend this book!
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By A Customer on Oct. 16 2005
Format: Paperback
Everyone should buy a copy of this hilarious memoir. Whether it be for yourself or a stocking stuffer, there's bound to be a few people in the family who will enjoy this book.
It's impossible not to laugh out loud during many of the chapters. Some definite highlights include the "nugget" chapter, the "Halloween party on Valentine's Day", and "High School reunion revenge" chapters...just to name a few. The witty comments exchanged between the characters are bound to have you in stitches. All chapters detail a relationship or a one-night stand, and believe me, it's a page-turner, impossible to put down.
It's a good summer read, nothing to take seriously. It won't win any Nobel Prizes anytime soon, but that's why I loved it. I hope there's a follow-up to this memoir.
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Format: Paperback
I had never heard of Chelsea Handler before, but this book sounded interesting. I was looking for some light reading and I was not expecting much more than that from this book. However, it was great, very funny. I didn't want to put it down. The book kept me intrigued and wanting more. I can't wait to read more from Chelsea Handler, and I would recommend this to any of my friends who are looking for some fun chick lit.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you can stand the raunchy humor, it is a fun and light read. A book I would read again and again just to take my mind off of daily stresses.
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