My Horizontal Life Paperback – May 20 2005
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From Publishers Weekly
Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
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"Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny essays... smart, funny, and quick read." (Library Journal Review)
"Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is…she is too clever for words." (Liz Smith New York Post)
In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt."
(Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry, Dating Big Bird, and Her)
"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."
"This book is no-holds-barred hilarious."
(Jennifer Weiner, author of In Her Shoes and Little Earthquakes)
"[Chelsea] just might be funnier than David Sedaris."
"Prime reading material for anyone looking to laugh their hiney off."
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Top Customer Reviews
The Book: It is truly laugh-out-loud funny, I was reading it at an office job on my lunch breaks & I would be laughing so hard in the break room, this girl leaves nothing to the imagination & is a true comic.
If you haven’t watched her show, watch it, & if you haven’t read her books, read them! This & “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” Are by far my favorites, unfortunately, her most recent ones, not so much.
DEFINITELY recommend this book!
It's impossible not to laugh out loud during many of the chapters. Some definite highlights include the "nugget" chapter, the "Halloween party on Valentine's Day", and "High School reunion revenge" chapters...just to name a few. The witty comments exchanged between the characters are bound to have you in stitches. All chapters detail a relationship or a one-night stand, and believe me, it's a page-turner, impossible to put down.
It's a good summer read, nothing to take seriously. It won't win any Nobel Prizes anytime soon, but that's why I loved it. I hope there's a follow-up to this memoir.
Most recent customer reviews
I love Chelsea Handler, this book is hilarious! Warning: do not read in public or people will give you funny looks!Published on July 1 2014 by melanie
My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler.
Another great read! lots of laughs and I also shared with friends, who loved it too!
Chelsea Handler tells it like it is and it definitely made me LOL. Reading this book for book club and there will be lots to talk about!Published on April 6 2012 by jaimejm