- Paperback: 184 pages
- Publisher: New Harbinger Publications (July 4 2012)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1608822133
- ISBN-13: 978-1608822133
- Product Dimensions: 20.1 x 1.5 x 24.9 cm
- Shipping Weight: 386 g
- Average Customer Review: 4 customer reviews
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #115,344 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Parenting a Teen Girl: A Crash Course on Conflict, Communication and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter Paperback – Jul 4 2012
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The author of this book is witty, wise, and happily, very practical. Using her own experience with her daughter, as well as her training as a psychologist, she guides us through the shoals of parenting and reassures us that while parenting a daughter is not smooth sailing, it is possible with a little help - and this book is quite helpful. For example, almost all parents of teenagers are going to get carved up by their child from time to time, and it's nice to know that the constant criticism is part of the teen's passage rather than one's own terminal defects. Also welcome are the many chapter tips, including the ones that help us understand obsessive behavior with phones and texting. The book is not only extremely sensible, it's terrifically readable. You get to laugh at yourself, and learn valuable information at the same time."
- Pepper Schwartz, PhD, American sociologist and sexologist, professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and author of 201 Questions to Ask Your Kids "InParenting a Teen Girl, Lucie Hemmen brings expertise, common sense, and a no-drama approach to the challenge of raising girls with respect and love. Her ideas are clear, realistic, and powerful, and her steady guidance will help you bring confidence and skill to your dealings with teen girls or, for that matter, with anyone. Her teachings are so universal and wise that we could all do well to learn from them, no matter the age or gender of the people we interact with."
-Frank Andrews, PhD, professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz and author of The Art and Practice of Loving
"Parenting a Teen Girl busts through many myths and helps parents stop catastrophizing and start connecting with their teen girls. Face your fears head-on and learn concrete steps to tackle common problems such as oversharing in social media and moodiness. You can learn to stop complaining about your teen girl and starting connecting to her."
-Lara Honos-Webb, PhD, author of The Gift of Adult ADD and Listening to Depression "This is the instruction book we always wished our children came with. Hemmen provides straight talk, practical tips, and an empathetic understanding of the challenges that teen girls and parents face today."
-Lisa M. Schab, LCSW, author of The Anxiety Workbook for Teens and Beyond the Blues
"Parenting a Teen Girl will help parents understand their daughters' behavior and experiences and create healthier connections with them. Through real-life examples and reflective exercises, Hemmen encourages parents to increase their self-awareness and teaches them to choose their responses rather than react to the chaos that life with a teen daughter can create."
- Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, psychotherapist and author of Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens, The Bipolar Workbook for Teens, and Calming the Emotional Storm
"As an Internet expert, educator of teens and parents, and mother of two girls, I appreciate Hemmen's coverage of the issues most relevant to raising teen girls in today's world. The book hits all the most important targets without lapsing into long, academically dense discourse. Readers won't get that overwhelmed and hopeless feeling regarding the state of today's teenage girls! In fact, the book energizes as it informs. I love that the book offers practical tips parents can plug in immediately-especially regarding how to guide teens in the tech world. Hemmen's compassion, understanding, and humor make the book a quick and valuable read."
-Lori Getz, Internet safety expert and founder of Cyber Education Consultants
About the Author
Lucie Hemmen, PhD , is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in working with teens and their parents in private practice while raising two teen girls of her own, Marley and Daisy. She is author of Parenting a Teen Girl, and has written The Teen Girl's Survival Guide for girls who identify social stress as a top concern. Hemmen lives and practices in Santa Cruz, CA.
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On the other hand, I felt it's teaching us to be a loving, well-disciplined, tongue-biting . . . doormat. The ultimate goal here is to be a safe person to come to - to go from being an authority to being an adviser while our daughters do what they're going to do and trusting that ultimately they're going to ride out the storm and become respectable, responsible people.
Yes - she does talk about saying, "No" and having rules, but to be honest, my stomach was churning when she cited an example of a mom who asked her daughter if she was having sex, and when the answer was "Yes, and I want birth-control pills" - this mom had the "audacity" of looking shocked. The example goes on to tell how the MOTHER had to come back an apologize for not being safe and accepting enough. They resolved things with the mom just standing by and letting her daughter engage in promiscuous behavior (helping get pills and keeping the house "off limits). Great . . .
I'll be honest - I'm still reading, hoping perhaps that I'm going to find something in here that talks about making time to teach values, expecting responsible behavior, and holding our kids accountable to family rules since they are benefiting from parental sacrifices. I also haven't yet found anything about filling our daughter's lives with positive influences/people (church, good books, role models) that can help them start making and benefiting from positive choices sooner than later.
I think sometimes it's just as important to set unpopular boundaries that protect our kids as it is to be "safe." It's a balancing act - and not an easy one.
For example, I have a sister who was homecoming queen who had a boy show up at her bedroom window. My dad was like, "Old Yeller" protecting his daughter. She was mortified, but years later (with an amazing husband and a beautiful family) she's tearfully acknowledged how grateful she was that Dad held the line and was strong for her at perhaps a time of weakness.
Rather than just being a rather passive "adviser" I believe our role is to be more of a guide. Think of a guide in the Grand Canyon saying, "You know, I'd strongly suggest you don't go that way, the bridge is out and there have been rock-slides, but I'll support you and I'm here for you if you choose otherwise."
No - the guide keeps the group together and maps a course through rough terrain. And - yes, the guide might alter course when reasonable requests are made and yes, someone can choose to ignore the guide and go their own way, but the guide's job is to help the group have an amazing adventure safely.
I think it's possible to be a totally safe person to come to without surrendering family rules and values. I think we can send the message, "I love you unconditionally and will sacrifice for your sake to help you find real happiness. I will help you find and support healing, healthy choices. And if you choose destructive behavior, I love you enough NOT to support that."
A string doesn't hold a kite down, it makes it possible for it to fly. Let go of the string and the kite falls to the earth. Holding the line is sometimes (and perhaps often) exactly what our kids need.
I certainly don't have all the answers, but so far, I don't feel like this book does either.
I'll update this comment if I find the author has addressed this later. For now, I'm taking what she says with a pretty good-sized grain of salt.