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on May 23, 2002
This book was not helpful at all. It has too many religious references, and also the whole tone is kinda patronizing.
More importantly, it seems to take the idea of natural consequences to the extreme. Don't get me wrong, I truly belive that children have to learn to make their own choices and deal with the consequences, but it is parent's responsibility to guide your child toward the right ones. I don't believe that any parent in her right mind will allow her child to go outside in winter without a jacket... unless she hates her child and wants him to get pneumonia!
And spanking... well, many parents spank their children, but let me tell you from personal experience, spanking is a sign of frustration and hopelessness. Children can sense your frustration which doesn't add any credibility to you as a parent. Also what kind of sick demented person would set a goal of spanking their child as painfully as possible? What most important, this method of parenting doesn't work, as simple as that. Yes, you can manipulate your child into doing what you want, but you are teaching him wrong lesson here. You are teaching him that violence is not just ok, it's the best method of dealing with difficult situations.
If you want a good parentig book, read "Setting Limits : How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries" by Robert J. Mac Kenzie, Robert J. MacKenzie .
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on June 19, 1998
There are so many better parenting books out now that there is no need to read this one! Where is the love & logic in hitting a child under the age of 3 over & over until he complies? Where is the logic in letting a dog be gassed at the dog pound instead of feeding it? One part of the child rearing technique is called Basic German Shepherd commands (come, sit, go, no stay). The misguided authors actually seem to believe in this! It's scary! This book only got a rating of 1 because there was no choice of 0. If you need a book about firm discipline & don't want to train your children like dogs (which they most certainly are not), try a much more humane approach, such as in Jane Nelsen's "Positive Discipline A to Z" or Jerry Wyckoff's "Without Shouting or Spanking." Please don't use this book!
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on August 31, 2000
"Kids suffer too." is about the extent of insight into the effect of divorce on children. These authors use a gender-stereotyped, dogmatic,black and white theory of disciplining kids. They suggest demeaning broadside attacks rather than guidance or setting the child up for success. As an alternative, I would highly recommend "Boundaries"and "Boundaries with Kids"by Cloud and Townsend or "The Explosive Child " by Greene. I was very disappointed with "Love and Logic" and won't buy anymore in the series.Natural consequences are good,this book isn't.
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on November 24, 2003
I was introduced to "Love & Logic" at a professional development seminar for teachers. I started using the principles in my classroom and eliminated so many of the struggles. I decided to buy the parenting book (this book) for my sister when she gave birth to my nephew. I ended up reading the whole thing, too, and have implemented many suggestions when I babysit for her. My nephew, who is only 2-1/2, is now a master at making choices and understanding that he doesn't get to make all the choices. He recently wanted to buy lemonade and chocolate milk at the store. I told him he had to muss, no fuss, he chose and put the lemonade back in the cooler. He has been making choices for himself since before he could walk, and I fully believe that the empowerment this book, this system, brings to kids helps them make the really big, important choices later in life. I've used the principles in the classroom and with all my nieces and nephews. They feel like they have control and options while understanding that there are consequences for bad decisions. My husband and I are the favorite aunt and uncle...and we have fewer problems when watching the kids than anyone else. They're happy, we're happy. What more could you want? Do yourself and your child's future teachers a favor and BUY THIS BOOK! I've got my copy ready for my daughter on the way.
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on March 15, 2000
This book provides sound parenting philosophy and easy to use guidelines to apply it. As a teacher, it is clear to me which students have been raised with loving and logical parents. So many parents confuse love with protection. Parenting with love and logic means allowing your kids to make choices ... and sometimes mistakes. Some may object to the "Basic German Shepard" tactics or the idea that claims that spanking is sometimes alright. Use what you wish from the book. I have never spanked my child, nor do I order him around like a dog. To avoid a power struggle with my son who didn't want to put on his clothes or coat for a 5 minute ride home from my sister's house, I used Love and Logic principles. On a cold January evening in Michigan I carried him to the car in his underwear. Moments later, he said, "I'm cold." I simply kept driving and said, ... Perhaps next time you will make a different choice?" A natural instinct would be to cover him up and protect him from the cold. He was not injured in any way. By sticking to the principle, however, he learned two very important lessons: 1) mom is not kidding around, and 2) it's smart to wear your clothes and a coat. Since that evening, we have not struggled to get dressed. Try it!
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on July 23, 1998
My husband and I have enrolled in many parenting classes, but when our teenage daughter began getting into trouble, hanging around a different group of friends, and skipping school we didn't know what to do. Our daughter was placed in a youth home and several different treatment centers. Nothing seem to help and our family grew farther and farther apart. Finally, someone introduced us to Love & Logic. Yes, at first we thought it was just another program telling us how to feel and how not to raise our voice. We were shocked the first time we actually used the Love&Logic program on our daughter. Now we use it all the time. All parents should have the opportunity to read or view the Love&Logic Program. It saved our family, we wish we would have heard about Love&Logic before our family went into crisis. Now we tell everyone about it, we have our daughters old probation officer researching and learning about Love&Logic. Now our family communicates better,! and we are no longer in crisis. Love&Logic really works.
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on July 7, 1998
I have been reading parenting books for years. I read this book completely. As the adult child of an alcohol and drug councilor with 3 young children, I have taken great interest in therapy and communication techniques. I don't generally offer my opinion in reviews but I felt that this book should receive the credit that it is due. The focus of this book is to help your child to eventually become an unusually functional and mentally healthy adult. It makes a humorous, but truthful analogy of the learning patterns of very young (2 and under) children to that of dogs. It explains why, unlike a dog, children must begin to think for themselves and how to help them do that. It recognizes that some parents use corporal punishment, explains why this is sometimes effective and how to use it to the least detriment of the child, but over all discourages it and offers alternative methods of discipline. The book teaches how parents can assist instead of disrupting the child's natural process of learning. Permit a child the consequences of their own mistakes when they are young and they will learn not to make big, life changing mistakes when they are adults. Become a friend and respected confidant to your child whose opinion he respects. There are excellent, real life accounts of how to apply the techniques. Most teachers will recognize the authors names. The authors are well known and highly acclaimed in the educational field and have raised responsible, successful children themselves.
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on November 9, 2001
I have several books that I really love and this is one of them. The tips and plans really work and are easy to implement. Power struggles are never more and kids become responsibile for their actions. Every parent needs this book and should read it along with a book, Mommy-CEO,revised edition, by Jodie Lynn. "Love and Logic" and "Mommy-CEO" are very similar but both have unique and doable solutions. The authors highly stress to stop hoovering over and doing for your kids so they can do it for themselves to become an asset to society. There's almost nothing more important for a child other than getting a solid foundation taught from their first teachers: their parents. These two books will inspire and promote parents to let their kids face consequences to guarantee family and personal success. It's tough being a parent and especially if we can't follow through on our own rules. If kids aren't taught consequences they will become dependable and frustrated adults AND BLAME US. Take the guidelines and the tools that work from these two books and see a huge change in your family and how much better life will finally become. It's not going to happen over night, but believe me, it will be the best thing possible for all.
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on July 27, 2002
i have just completed reading this book. It teaches a very good technique for parenting in which the parents let their child take responsibility of problems that are his/hers (keeping the room clean, whether or not to wear a coat outside etc). By making kids take responsibilty for their actions and responsibility of themselves, we as parents make them more responsible. We also teach them problem solving and other important skills. The entire book is devoted to explaining this technique. The first few chapters are really valuable. I have tried the technique with my kids and it really works.
But the point that i dont like about the book is that the enitre book is devoted to this same technique. The same point repeated and discussed! Also, at times one feels that making the kids always face consequences for themselves and always solve their problems themselves may be too harsh. On the other hand, maybe that is not what the authors intend to say. If it seems like the authors are carrying the point to limits, it may be just because they have given so so so many different situations in which their technique can be used. But it does sometime feel like the child's whole life is centered around being taught a lesson of taking care of his problems or face consequences that may be harsh.
Also, for non american parents or for people who belong to asian or other cultures, this may not be an entirely appropriate book. For example , as an Indian i would never dream of telling my mother that she needs to have my permission before disciplining my child. Or telling her something like this: "People get together on vacations either out of a sense of obligation and guilt or to have fun together. I'm wondering if you see our times together as fun".
As an Indian parent, in order to teach my kids consequences, i would also not bargain with them on the money that they will have to pay me from their allowance if they do not do xyz! Giving and taking money in family relationships is usually a no-no. In our culture, we grow up with our parents taking full care (monetary and otherwise) of us till we get married or find a job, and as adults we take care of them giving them unquestioned and unconditional love.
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on September 24, 2000
I enjoyed the book greatly. It's philosophy has helped me raise 5 children. The hardest part is follow through. It's okay if your child has to go hungry, be cold, or do without a special trip, because he or she has made a wrong choice. These "safe" wrong choices, help them make better choices later on in life with those choices which will alter their lives. Don't let society impose their "Oh, this poor child" values on you. Know that letting them make some unfortunate choices now, will prepeare them later to make better choices. Don't give in to well meaning counselors, social workers and teachers who "feel badly" that your child isn't eating lunch today, or isn't getting to go on field trip. You are able to say, "gee.... he or she made that choice, now please support me in seeing that he or she has to live with the consequences of those choices". Use it! Do it! My 20 year old son told me recently, "Mom thank you for making me see that every action has a consequence. Now, I have good credit and don't mooch off my friends, like many kids my age, because you made me be responsible. I didn't like it then, BUT YOU WERE RIGHT". That made me feel really great that I did USE IT! I didn't "make him be responsible", I helped him make choices that taught responsibility.
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