Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child Paperback – Aug 12 1998
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In Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, psychology professor John Gottman explores the emotional relationship between parents and children. It's not enough to simply reject an authoritarian model of parenting, Gottman says. A parent needs to be concerned with the quality of emotional interactions. Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and coauthor Joan Declaire focus first on the parent (a "know thyself" approach), and provide a series of exercises to assess parenting styles and emotional self-awareness. The authors identify a five-step "emotion coaching" process to help teach children how to recognize and address their feelings, which includes becoming aware of the child's emotions; recognizing that dealing with these emotions is an opportunity for intimacy; listening empathetically; helping the child label emotions; setting limits; and problem-solving. Chapters on divorce, fathering, and age-based differences in emotional development help make Gottman's teachings detailed and useful. --Ericka Lutz
"A significant gift to parents and children."—Common BoundarySee all Product Description
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Top Customer Reviews
Gottman is definitely not one of them. He is known as one of the leading psychologists in the area of family and marriage psychology. This book presents the essence of his research findings about raising emotionally intelligent children.
His advise is surprisingly easy and is based on a 5 step model:
1. Be aware of your child's emotion
2. See your child's emotions as an opportunity to be close together
3. Actively listen to your child and validate the feelings
4. Help your child to verbalize his feelings
5. Help your child solve problems, while setting clear limits
Gottman clearly explains how you can implement this 5-step-model in daily life and what to do when problems arise. His real life examples make reading really fun.
All in all, an excellent parenting book! As a supplement, I can also recommend the book by M. Seligman: "The optimistic child"
Like many parents, my husband and I were often baffled by what we thought were my daughters night terrors. She would some times wake up screaming unconsolably for half an hour at a time. None of the books seemed to be able to explain it.
I had just recieved this book when she had one of these night terrors...one that particularly worried us because she was screaming "I don't like myself!". We'd never heard her say anything that concerning, before. We freaked!
I ran to the book..read two pages..came back and asked my daughter "Did you have a bad day? Are you feeling frustrated because we got mad at you today? ... She said "Yeah!". We talked and she was asleep in 5 minutes!
We realized her terrors were a release caused by pent-up toddler emotional frustration.
Buy this book ! You won't regret it.
Thanks for reading! Take the stand. Be there for your kids.
Briefly, parenting can be broken down into three styles: "dismissing," "disapproving," and "laissez-faire." All three are damaging to the child's development, and detrimental to the child's well being. The preferred alternative is to be "emotion coaching." Gottman's five steps for raising an emotionally intelligent child follow:
1. become aware of the child's emotion;
2. recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching;
3. listen empathetically, validating the child's feelings;
4. help the child find words to label the emotion he is having; and
5. set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.
The challenge is: I can't get his advice to work. The problem lies in the unstated intermediate step between (2) and (3). Picture this scenario:
* Your toddler is not getting his way.
* You are aware of the child's frustration, and recognize it as the opportunity it undoubtedly is for intimacy and teaching.
* You try to listen, validate and label the feeling - but your toddler isn't interested. All he does is scream and screech at the top of his lungs, flail his limbs, resisting all attempts at reason or discussion. This devolves into a mini tantrum.
What is the preferred method of calming a child when any method of comforting that you try fails? Do you ignore the child until he calms down? That would be dismissive... Do you admonish the child sternly, when he begins pushing, shoving, etc.? That would be disapproving... The alternative is to let the tantrum progress, and the child to do as he pleases.Read more ›
Most recent customer reviews
Love this book! As a psychology major I wanted a parenting book that wasn't boring, or a repetition of everything I already knew. This book is amazing! Read morePublished 9 months ago by Veronica Kusiak
This book has improved my relationship with all my kids, but especially with one that is most like me. I am very grateful that I have come across it.Published 9 months ago by Amazon Customer
Having read a half dozen child rearing books, this is my fave. Strategy is simple, its the 4 bullet points in the book description, yet somehow the whole book is good. Read morePublished 9 months ago by Farsyd
This book is applied and practical - it provides a step by step solution. I also found the self-assesment tool very valuable.Published on Jan. 2 2005 by Michael Sahota
I liked the book but also enjoyed the Emotional Intelligence Quickbook because it came with a test where I went online and found out my actual EQ, which was really helpful.Published on March 20 2004 by Jane Anderson
This is an incredible book. I gives som many interesting ideas and examples.Published on March 29 2003
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