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Real Love Paperback – Jan 19 2004

5.0 out of 5 stars 10 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Avery; New title edition (Jan. 19 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592400477
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592400478
  • Product Dimensions: 13.5 x 2 x 20.3 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 272 g
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars 10 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #17,621 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

From Publishers Weekly

The most remarkable aspect of this self-help book is the author's avowal that he's been there, too, while he stretches a rudimentary concept into a full-blown book. Baer's message is simple. People toiling away in lukewarm relationships are lacking "real love"-the ability to care unconditionally about the happiness of another person. "When we're unhappy, our misery is not the fault of our partner. Blaming that person is therefore foolish, wasteful and destructive, because no matter how much we demand or insist, he or she cannot make us happy." Ophthalmologist Baer (The Truth About Relationships) is not the first champion of the "you-get-out-of-it-what-you-put-into-it" school, and his suggestion that individuals are responsible for their own happiness is hardly novel. What distinguishes his map to the romantic holy grail from the others in its genre is Baer's admission of his own fallibility. He's been down and out, and there's something reassuring about his willingness to admit to failures as well as triumphs. As a result, the overall effect of this book is soothing, but readers shouldn't expect the truths found here to be anything new.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

This self-help book is written by an ophthalmologist who uses his personal experience of recovery from divorce and drug addiction to chart a course for others to learn how to find real love in heterosexual marriage. By "real love," Baer means love that is given unconditionally, and he describes many situations that may look like love but are only "imitation" in that it has conditions or strings attached. He also characterizes the many behaviors that people use either to get love or to protect themselves from lack of real love. Unfortunately, his reasoning often seems circular and simplistic, and there are areas where his judgment can be challenged: his discussion of anorexia is not supported by current psychological theory, and his brief discussion of abusive situations could be dangerously misconstrued to lead a victim to stay in a violent relationship. Finally, there are no notes or bibliography. Although the author is popular on the lecture circuit and radio, there is enough questionable material here to withhold a recommendation. Many better books on relationships are available.
Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis, TN
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
Some might call it "forgiveness;" others might typecast it as "foolish" or "naive;" still others recognize its power but don't believe it exists or can exist except in the formation of animal-person friendships or parent-child relationships. But, it can, does, and will exist in all those cases where persons are able to see, feel, and hear the heart of another in empathetic sympathy, and recognize it as the only true love there is. Arising as it does as a "gift of the heart for another" rather than a "gift to the heart of oneself" often plagued by jealousies and conditions of reciprocity that so often becomes the standard of trust formed by individuals, components of real love often have the dual advantage of protection and sacrifice that complements the intimacies of reciprocal love which allows it to endure far beyond those of ordinary relationships. Unconditional or absolute acceptance is free from possessiveness but loves the attention of possession. It leaves the recipient wanting more but never requires more. It is unselfish love desiring only the "best" for the object of that affection regardless of expected responses. It is moved to make that possible knowing that heightened potential realized is the ideal glorification of the love felt, one uniquely focused upon the empowerment of that person and the power of love to accomplish that end. It is never martyrdom but some confuse it with that method of negative attention designed to reflect great sacrifice as love or passion, a chameleon of love.Read more ›
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Format: Hardcover
Exquisitely simple and beautiful !! That's the best way I can describe this book.
I feel like the author was "in my head" and writing the book just for me. Never could I have imagined that the difficult topics of "love and relationships" could be explained so clearly, lucidly and concisely.
I have often had conversations with friends, family members and people in the "helping fields" about what exactly "love" is and how can I successfully apply it in the relationships that count the most. I found my answers here.
Dr. Baer not only defines what "real love" is, but just as importantly, he defines what it isn't. He refers to these "counterfeits" as "imitation love" and I find great relief in knowing that I don't have to chase after these forms of "fool's gold" anymore. He then lays the blueprint as to precisely how we go about finding the genuine acceptance and love we all crave.
I know that this book will give people the answers they need and will serve to heal a lot of heartache. This book is a treasure.
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Format: Hardcover
Have you ever wondered why an intelligent and motivated person like yourself finds it so difficult to change your life? I did and in reading this book and its predecessor "The Truth About Relationships", I found what the self-help books I've read have left out--that changing your life is more than affirmations, deep breathing exercises, and even self-discipline and commitment. This book shared with me what really makes people happy and how to find the happiness that creates the lasting changes and true happiness that you always wanted but never seemed to grasp. Don't assume that you know what "Real Love" is--you may not have really experienced it. But don't despair--you really can change. Do yourself a favor and buy, beg, or borrow (but don't steal) this book! It just might teach you a thing or two!!
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By A Customer on Jan. 31 2003
Format: Hardcover
I have read many books on relationships that prescribe emotional "aspirin" for the problems in our relationships. They don't address the cause of those conflicts. This book shows that it is the lack of "Real Love" in our own lives which causes our unhappiness. Our behaviors that make loving relationships difficult are merely results of our attempts to get the love we so desperately want. This is a truly unique book. It is so useful because it so clearly applies to real life. I felt like the examples Dr. Baer used were written just for me. I highly recommend this book to everyone--it applies to us all.
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Format: Hardcover
My mentor/life coach recommended this book, and I could not put this book down once I started reading. Dr. Baer explains in plain language, with no b.s., what we are doing wrong and what has to be done to give and receive REAL LOVE so we could be truly happy. With the work I have been doing with my life coach (you can find her on amazon.com - catherine diane - and learn more about her if you are interested in having an amazing, VERY EFFECTIVE, very loving life coach yourself), I am truly getting the benefits out of this book. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!
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