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One person found this helpful
Great goal, bad means of getting there
on June 3, 2009
I too don't want to raise brats. I do agree that overindulging is no good and setting bounderies is right. As for the rest, I can't agree with the means. Yes, conquences are part of raising a child but there is a huge difference between unatural and natural consequences. I'm happy to say my girls(15 and 10) are doing splendid and I credit the tools of Thomas Gordon's Efficient Parenting. His method is win-win, with children learning to develop the necessary qualities to make good decisions instead of "obeying". So many "obedient" kids act out the second the leave the nest: they were "well behaved" in fear of an (unnatural) consequence but without developping the thought process to naturally prevent the bad choice. And time-outs? Really? in a room filled with gadgets or in a humiliating corner: what do you really think the child is learning from this process? Is he/she going to have flash of genius while sulking or plan ways of not getting caught next time, or learn that with autoritarian strengh comes power? It's not as if there are 2 options: beeing permissive or an authority figure: there is a third option as explained in Thomas Gordon's work and I'm greatful for the results.