After the shocking and unexpected death of my 43 year old boyfriend, I purchased this book after a friend highly recommended it. Her daughter's fiancé had been killed in a crash and she said the book saved the sanity of her daughter and herself.
It has been almost years since my b/f died, and the book was of tremendous assistance in my understanding and healing.
One thing that particularly struck me is that it really is all about choices. After I returned to work, but was walking around in a stunned state because it was like my inner orbit was totally off it's course, my boss took me for lunch one day and asked me 'So what is your plan now? I looked incredulously at him thinking, 'I just lost my plan, can't you see that????', but it did get me thinking, that I *had* to make a plan. That was the first choice. To wither up and die with my boyfriend or make a new plan and carry on.
The book was so helpful to me that I read it twice. And the nice thing about it is that there are sections that did not pertain to me (death from terminal illness for example) so I could just skip those chapters and read what was relevant.
It was so helpful that since I read it, I have purchased it more than once for others who have lost loved ones.
The journey to healing is unique to each individual, but the bottom line is the same - you need to make the choice whether to carry on, or whether to let the death consume you. I know of more than one sad case who did not make the choice to carry on, and it is tortuous to see. A lady I know whose only son died 10 years ago at 34 is still posting on his and her own FaceBook page regularly to and about him. His death has consumed her very life, but it was a choice she made to let it do so. Conversely, I know another mother, about the same age, who also lost her only son at 19, but she came to the rational realization that nothing was going to bring him back and dwelling in it would ruin her own life, so she took the steps to recover, and now, 10 years later, she is very well adjusted.
Death, particularly young or unexpected death, is very harsh, stark, and confusing. All losses of someone close to you require a huge adjustment, and this book is just the type of resource every mourner should have, to assist in the understanding of the grieving process, and and other valuable tools to help you pick up the pieces.
After my boss asked what my plan was, I developed a new one. My 'Plan B' became ... 'make a new plan'. What other choice is there? It would be a long sad life with no plan. I know this sounds harsh, but the reality is the person is gone, and you are left. You must choose your own path and there are resources to assist you to arrive at a healthy outcome. You just cannot go wrong with this book.
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Dr. Robert Rich
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