- Hardcover: 240 pages
- Publisher: William Morrow (May 25 2004)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0060538252
- ISBN-13: 978-0060538255
- Product Dimensions: 14 x 2.2 x 21 cm
- Shipping Weight: 386 g
- Average Customer Review: 76 customer reviews
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #333,241 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Hardcover – May 25 2004
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From Publishers Weekly
Dispelling the widely held myth of genital penetration as the apogee of sexual pleasure, Kerner, who holds a doctorate in clinical sexology, offers this witty, well-researched manual for "consistently leading women to orgasm" through cunnilingus. Loaded with practical anatomical information (the clitoris has 18 distinct parts, and more nerve fibers than any other part of the human body) and graphic line drawings, the book also touches on the less mechanical, more psychological aspects of oral sex, including the three assurances every woman needs from her lover to feel comfortable: (1) "you enjoy it as much as she does"; (2) "there's no rush"; and (3) "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence." Since studies show the average woman takes about 20 minutes to reach her first orgasm during a typical sex session, while men take a mere four minutes, Kerner advises men to delay their own climax and make oral sex "coreplay" ("the substantive phase in which sexual tension builds, culminates and then releases itself through the female orgasm"), instead of foreplay. Breaking down six stages of coreplay, from the "first kiss" to orgasm, Kerner speaks to both beginners and more seasoned lovers. His candor concerning his own bout with sexual dysfunction adds a compassionate tone and credibility to this decidedly pro-female methodology.
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“Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they’re not satisfied.” (Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City)
“Take note, guys. This book is your secret weapon.” (Jauretsi Saizarbitoria, Jane Magazine)
“Here comes a book that puts men in their places - smack dab in between women’s legs!” (Cake)
“An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!” (Playgirl)
Top Customer Reviews
Kerner succeeds at giving his audience the important resources and facts to know and doesn't rush in building up to the techniques and the action. He guides us through (and the 18 parts of the clitoris, that's right 18! Most of which you can't see). I suspect that even if you are a self-proclaimed expert you will learn from She Comes First and if you're a beginner this book will be of great help. Kerner talks about the clitoris as more than a love button and describes society as "Ill-cliterate". One of the best parts was the sings to recognize she is having an orgasm, often men can't tell the difference if she's a good screamer but the complete list that is given here is convincing and now I'm positive I can tell if a woman faked it with me. Some of the signs are obvious and some of them are not. There can also be times when you think she had or is about to orgasm but in reality you're scratching the surface and more time is needed. Kerner stresses a few times that the goal should be pleasure-oriented and not necessarily orgasm-oriented. A woman may not always orgasm but she will find it to be a pleasurable experience and want it more. The truth is there is a good percentage of women who can't get off simply on intercourse and oral is more pleasurable to them which is the entire premise of this work. The author stresses there are 3 parts to making love: foreplay, coreplay and moreplay, because if you're a male and you're done, chances are she's not. None of those should be overlooked, especially foreplay which unfortunately tends to be skipped by some men. There are three "acts" if you will, to She Comes First that combined make an excellent guide to oral sex and female orgasm and a fantastic read. That's probably the best part, the information is given in a manner that makes it captivating and interesting which some facts, statistics and cultural history thrown in. The book is NEVER a bore. One of my favorite parts is the following :"Hope is a fair maiden who slips through your hand. Recollection is a beautiful old woman of no use at the moment. Repetition is a beloved wife of whom one never tires of".
On a side note the only thing this book could improve upon is the diagrams of the genitals, I would have liked there be one that shows the aroused vulva as the author describes it (although he gives a fine detailed description). More diagrams, especially in different states of arousal would have been a nice touch but what's here is fine. I liked the diagrams that showed how to perform some of the techniques. They're drawn very well, obviously they're not pictures of the real thing but the depiction goes well with the overall vibe of She Comes First.
So ladies buy this book for your man, flip through it yourself and then "forget" it somewhere he will see it. Gents, you be well equipped to have this book in your possession... and read it. It's devoted entirely to her pleasure and you know she'll love it. Just remember it's about HER and not your EGO, take your time and make sure what's done really is done before you pat yourself on the back (if someone should do that it's her). The least She Comes First will do is make you realize that cunnilingus is often necessary for a female to orgasm, is pleasurable for both the male and female and give you techniques and tell you on specific areas to concentrate on. Excellent read, very recommended 5/5.
This book is divided into two parts, essentially, with the first half explaining the subject matter in great (but readable) detail, while the second half goes into technique. Granted, a lot of this is one person's view, but it is backed up with research, interviews, and a lot of practice. Personally, I applied some of the techniques I read about and it had a great effect on my partner, helping her enjoy the session much more than usual.
For any man interested in pleasing their ladies (and that should be all of you!) this book will help you learn and deliver, mentally and physically. It's a quick read, easy to understand and apply, and - quite simply - works well! Enhance your sex life...this is the guide to doing so!
I asked my ex-husband to read this book, and that it would mean a lot to me if he did - even explaining that it said things I was struggling hard to tell him. I even offered that I would read the sequel, "He Comes Next", at the same time, as he knew how much I loved reading sex education books so I could be a better lover for him. He didn't take it seriously, and even said he felt like I was "testing" him, and that if he didn't live up to the book, he was a failure. Although there were many other things that led to the dissolution of our marriage, his reaction was a devastating blow to my heart and helped lead to that event.
Men, for the sake of the women you love, PLEASE read this book and take it to heart. And if she asks you to read it, please READ IT. So many women are scared to tell men what they want or need during lovemaking, and don't even know themselves. She is not saying you are a failure or a loser; she's trying to communicate and be open with you because she loves you and wants to open up to you. I wish I could explain how much it could mean to her if you do read it and take it to heart and to your bedroom.
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I did not find this book to be written in a way that makes the reader want to continue on.Read more