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Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too Paperback – Mar 27 2012

4.8 out of 5 stars 44 customer reviews

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  • Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
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  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
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  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: WW Norton; Revised edition (March 27 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0393342212
  • ISBN-13: 978-0393342215
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 2 x 21.1 cm
  • Shipping Weight: 404 g
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars 44 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,831 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description

From Amazon

With a title like this, it's no surprise that authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish had a monster bestseller on their hands when the book first appeared in 1988. From the subsequent deluge of readers' stories, questions, and issues, they have created nearly 50 pages of new material for this, the 10th anniversary edition. The central message remains the same, and sounds almost too simple: avoid comparisons. But parents know that's easier said than done. The value of Faber and Mazlish's discussions is precisely that they talk you through umpteen different situations and outcomes to help you teach your brawling offspring a new set of responses. The highly informative text is punctuated with helpful summary/reminder boxes and cartoons illustrating key points. It's a must-read for parents with (or planning on) multiple children. But parents of young children who get along fine (so far) should read it too--as the authors make very clear, rivalry is inevitable. The only question is how to manage the rivalry with intelligence and compassion, and on that subject they offer a wealth of good advice. --Richard Farr --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Disciples of the late Haim Ginott, a child psychologist, Faber and Mazlish have conducted workshops on family relationships and co-authored Liberated Parents, Liberated Children (Avon, 1975) and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (Rawson Wade, 1980). The present book states that sibling rivalry stems from jealousy similar to that a spouse might feel if asked to welcome another husband or wife into the household. It outlines ways to defuse such explosive situations as comparing, assigning roles, or taking sides and suggests specific remedies to avoid conflict. Cartoon-like illustrations and "quick reminders" help reinforce new behavior. A welcome assist over the rough times that too often leave lifetime scars. Suzanne Druehl, Little Rock Public Library, Ark.
Copyright 1987 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "don�ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.
One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...
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Format: Paperback
I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!
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Format: Paperback
I read this book around 20 yrs ago when I had 3 young kids. I used what I learned on my children & it really works. One of the greatest compliments I get is that people notice how well my kids get along. There is no visible signs of sibling rivalry. For years after reading this book & the other book "how to talk so kids will listen...", I would lie in bed with each child & just listen to them tell me about their day. The house rule was that according to age, each child went to bed 1/2 hr earlier than the next. So I had plenty of time to listen to each child. To this day, my kids still like to tell me their "stuff".
Barbara Coloroso's book is also a "must read". These 3 books were the reason my kids have turned out so great. They are all happily married, two grandkids & more to come. They all actually like coming home every Saturday with their extended families to hang out with us.
Just read the book over & over. If you make a mistake in how you react, don't sweat it. Try again next time or reword your reaction. It seems forced at first but it becomes second nature after a while.
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By A Customer on July 14 2001
Format: Paperback
This book contains excellent ideas, but it's obvious that its 13 years old. The examples are most useful for the traditional family with at-home mom. I found the cartoons and text a little too simple for my tastes. The concept bothered me a bit because the authors assume that all siblings hate each other. My kids do fight, but they are friends, too. For good ideas on raising siblings try these books: Loving Each One Best and Kid Cooperation (There's a chapter about siblings, but the whole book has ideas that are helpful when it comes to raising more than one.)and The 10 Greatest Gifts to Give Your Children (Not about siblings, but all the ideas covered do apply.)
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Format: Paperback
Are you tired of your children fighting over everything big or small? Are your nerves frayed at their ends? Are you spending too much time setteling your childrens' agruments? This excellent book teaches parents all these different techniques to help children help themselves solve their sibling problems without violence and parental intervention.
When investigating the problem of sibling rivalry, the culprit and the root of the problem comes from parents' attitudes toward their children. Are you a parent that has labeled your children? Sometimes parents attach a label to their children without realising it and the consequences are creating excesive pressure on the children to play a certain roll that they have no desire to but continue to act it out in order not to hurt the parent.
Children want to be heard and adults must first learn to listen and acknowledge the childrens' feelings. When children are mad or angry, it is important that we help the describe what they are feeling and let them know that it is alright to be mad, sad, angry or disappointed, however it is not acceptable to hurt the person with whom they are having conflict. The whole idea of this solution sounds like it was concieved in some fairy tale but it works about 90 percent of the time to reduce the tension between the fighting children in our family. After the tensions have subsided between the siblings, the parents suggest the children find a solution to their problem and they actually come up with some creative things.
The authors have integrated numerous real live scenarios they have encountered from parents who have participated in their seminars over several years.
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