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Five comely and well-to-do female friends receive dire threats inside anonymous valentines. When two of them meet violent ends, the remaining trio suspect that the killer may be a nebbishy former classmate whom they spurned years before at a school dance. Their solution: Throw a lavish Valentine's Day party, all the better to distract them from the hulking, cherub-masked killer...
As the above suggests, Valentine is the absolute nadir of the post-Scream slasher film. Australian director Jamie Blanks (whose previous effort was the equally dismal Urban Legend, 1998) obviously had lofty goals for his film, given his bald-faced homages to John Carpenter and Dario Argento. But he hasn't a clue as to how to generate suspense, and his frequent reliance on well-worn shock effects (hands dropping on shoulders, etc.) suggests more contempt for the genre than affection. No less than four writers (including two writer-producers for Roswell, which explains the appearance of series star Katherine Heigl) contributed to the screenplay, which fails to generate the twentysomething drama and hip, cutting dialogue required for this brand of horror. As the five friends, actresses Marley Shelton, Denise Richards, Jessica Capshaw, Jessica Caufield, and Heigl have little to do other than alternately look attractive or afraid; Richards, in particular, looks weary of playing the man-eater. As Shelton's dipsomaniac boyfriend, David Boreanaz (Angel) lumbers through each scene with an embarrassed scowl.
Warner Bros.' DVD includes commentary by Blanks, as well as cast and crew interviews and a video for Orgy's contribution to the noisy, new-metal soundtrack. --Paul Gaita --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Top Customer Reviews
The movie begins with a nerdy, bespectacled boy named Jeremy Melton (standing in for Victor Dimorta from the novel) asking some of the prettiest girls to dance at a Valentine's Day social in 1988. He's rejected by all but one, Dorothy. Jeremy and Dorothy are later caught making out under the bleachers, and Dorothy, out of shame, claims Jeremy attacked her. Jeremy is "Carrie"-d with a bowl of fruit punch dumped on his head, stripped and savagely beaten by his male classmates.
Fast forward 13 years and Shelley Fisher (Katherine Heigl), all grown up, is the first of the girls to be slaughtered a few days before February 14 by a cherub-masked Cupid killer as she carves up corpses at med school. Her former friends, Paige Prescott (Denise Richards), Kate Davies (Marley Shelton), Dorothy Wheeler (Jessica Capshaw) and Lily Voight (Jessica Cauffiel), are all somewhat-successful career women in vaguely-defined jobs who are scouring the San Francisco dating scene, 21st-century style, when they hear of Shelley's demise. Before long, Dorothy and Lily also receive threatening Valentines and Kate finds a Cupid mask in the elevator after someone breaks into her apartment. A local detective (Fulvio Cecere) inquires of the Valentines, which are all signed simply "JM.Read more ›
Valentine opens with a scene at a 6th grade dance. Here, we see a nerdy kid named Jeremy asking a handful of girls to dance with him. After a few just blow him off completely, he asks the film's protagonist, Katie. She replies "Sorry, not right now, maybe later". He then asks a chubby girl named Dorothy who sitting on the bleachers. The next scene shows them kissing under the bleachers, when they are then found by the big bad older kids. Dorothy screams rape, and we are followed by a carrie rip off, and then to Jeremy being sent away.
The film then shifts to about decade later, one of the girls who blew off Jeremy at the dance is working late at a mourge. Guess what happens next? The girls at the dance are now being stalked by a cupid masked killer who offs them one by one.
The death scenes are interesting enough to keep the viewer entertained (pay attention ULFC!). In one of them, the killer actually uses a bow and arrow and offs a victim Robin Hood style.Read more ›
Most recent customer reviews
This movie was a pretty good movie, it was not one of my favourites but I did like it .Published on April 3 2013 by Jennifer Scott
I had read this book before I saw the movie. I was so impressed with the book I bought the movie but was sadly disappointed. Read morePublished on Oct. 19 2011 by Rose
as far as horror movies go,this one isn't bad at all.in fact,it's
pretty decent.i think one of the reasons is that it also liter in tone
than most of the genre. Read more
This movie totally rocks! its not as scary as others and it isnt really gory, but I love the plot! A loser named Jeremy Melton(Joel Palmer) gets turned down by every girl he asks... Read morePublished on May 10 2005 by Chelcie
I was so disappointed with this film. I had hoped this movie would show off David Boreanaz's talent. Who knows. Read morePublished on May 17 2004
Just a quick addendum to my review below. I just read Mr. Yoon Min Cho's review entitled "Garbage" (12/21/03). Whoahhhh! I do believe he protests too much! Read morePublished on March 19 2004 by Aaron
The characters weren't really likable. As the supposed killer sought revenge on the folks who tortured him in school, I didn't mind that they got killed. Read morePublished on March 19 2004 by Aaron
OK. This will not go down as a great horror classic. Even Denise Richards as the main eye candy can't really raise this film above mediocre. Read morePublished on March 13 2004 by Johny Bottom