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When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by [Murphey, Cecil]
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When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation Kindle Edition

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Length: 256 pages Word Wise: Enabled

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Product Description

Product Description

The numbers of males abused in childhood are sometimes listed as low as 5 percent or as high as 33 percent. Though statistics are controversial, no one disputes the fact that childhood abuse is a continuing problem―or that such abuse can have devastating effects on future relationships. For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, best-selling author Cecil Murphey has penned an honest and forthright book about surviving―and thriving―despite past abuses.

Both informative and highly practical, Murphey helps women understand the continuing problems that abuse survivors may encounter, including hurtful memories, issues of self worth, and the need to feel in control. With sensitivity and encouragement, Murphey then explains what women can do to help bring about healing and forgiveness. Written with the empathy that only a true survivor can convey, When a Man You Love Was Abused is a timely piece of advice and encouragement.

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About the Author

Murphey is a three-time winner of the Author of the Year Award by the Dixie Council of Authors and Journalists.

Product Details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 1601 KB
  • Print Length: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Kregel Publications (April 7 2010)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #273,136 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) HASH(0x9f5ef03c) out of 5 stars 37 reviews
48 of 49 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4b1c24) out of 5 stars For Every Woman out there Oct. 19 2011
By LovingWife - Published on
Format: Paperback
After months and months of looking for resources, I came upon this book. I have been married for over 13 years to a wonderful man who was sexually abused for most of his childhood. Throughout our marriage I felt alone, rejected, not good enough to change him, mad, confused, hopeless, hurt, and aching for my husband to be "whole". I thought "if I could just do this, or say that, he can be fixed". There is not enough help out there for male survivors and even less help for wives of male survivors. This book was a God send. I read it in 2 days. Every chapter, I had an "a-ha" moment. The book was literally my whole relationship with my husband, spelled out. The author shows such a great deal of caring and true compassion for all boys who have suffered from abuse. His love comes through deeply in his written words. I felt so alone for all those years and this book helped me realize that I didn't have to be. It helped explained all the little things that were too painful for my husband to explain or the things that he didn't know how to explain. I realized that our story/issues were not unique. The things in his book fit like a blue print right over our lives. If you love a man who has been sexually abused, please read this book. After reading the book, I called my husband and we had a long talk. I took all the clarity and advice that the author gave in the book and it truly was amazing how my husband responded. Please know that with love, patience, and resources such as this book, you and your loved one can begin to heal and recover.
17 of 20 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4b1c78) out of 5 stars "When a Man You Love Was Abused" by Cecil Murphey June 28 2010
By One Desert Rose - Published on
Format: Paperback
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.

A few of his topics in Part 1: Who He Is

* Who Are the Molested?
* A Personal Journey
* Where Was God?
* A theft of Childhood
* Flashbacks and Dreams
* The Effects of Abuse
* Male Self-Images
* Forgiving the Abuser/Himself
* plus 14 more topics

The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!

Part 2 contains some of the following:

* The Other Victim
* Accept His Unspeakable Problem
* Believe Him and Help Him Believe
* Accept His Shame
* Remind Him You Care
* Listen, Listen, Listen
* Pray for Him
* Be Honest with Him
* plus 14 more topics

Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.

Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.
12 of 15 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4b50cc) out of 5 stars A Must-Have Book July 2 2010
By A. E. Hebbert - Published on
Format: Paperback
This book will help anyone who has been sexually abused or has a friend/relative who is a victim.

Cecil Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.

Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories. But When the Man You Love Was Abused is non-fiction. This book is based on his many questions and discussions with abuse survivors, and his own horrific experiences.

One in six males has experienced unwanted abusive sexual contact before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and deal with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.

The author offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement with a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.

Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): "Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you." I hear rumors that a version for female survivors is on the way, and I'm glad.

Read more at Cec's blog, [...].

Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4b548c) out of 5 stars Excellent! A must read Feb. 11 2014
By ES - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
A hard read to face, but got easier as I continued. This book is a must read for anyone that has been abused. If there is a significant other, it is also a must read. It will show you what is really going on in that persons head and help you deal with the situation. Remember it wasn't your fault. That also goes to the significant other. I just pray to the Lord that it is not to late for my marriage. I am now getting help and believing in the Heavenly Father again and it is bringing such joy into my heart and soul. I am giving myself permission to be alive again and enjoy things that I always thought I could not do because of the fear. Well that fear No longer has control. Only happiness and love. Remember this will not happen over night but when you start to let the anger and fear go the emotions of happiness and love will come flooding in.
5 of 7 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4b5438) out of 5 stars When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphey Aug. 23 2010
By Keiki Hendrix - Published on
Format: Paperback
"A book that encourages and instructs women by delving into a topic not many men easily admit or care to discuss and reveals the power of grace and unconditional love."

How can a woman reach, support, or help the man she loves who has experienced the most heinous of tragedies, childhood sexual molestation? The answer is found in I Peter 3:2 "While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

When we think of child molestation, our hearts sink into sadness for the child. But what of these children who grow to adulthood? What sadness is left behind in them only to re-emerge through behaviors that stifle emotional connections, cripple their ability to trust, and leave them scarred and broken? How are women to respond to the men they love who are crippled by the sins of others?

In this book, Cecil Murphey reveals his personal story of childhood molestation and how, with the grace shown to him by his wife Shirley and others, helps others to know how to encourage and deal with the men in their lives that suffer silently.

There are two parts to this book. The first, Part One: Who He Is, focuses on the various behavior patterns of those who've suffered abuse. The second, Part Two: How You Can Help, provides the reader with specific ways to respond to the men they love before and during the healing process.

Women will find insight and wisdom in this book. Women will also find the indestructible power of unconditional love in the example of the author's wife, Shirley Murphey and how she loved the author through his healing.

I met Cecil Murphey recently and found him to be quite genuine. I heard him speak about this book and wanted to read and review it. This issue has not touched my life, but in reading it I gained a new knowledge of the depth of pain and wickedness in this world and the power of what can help in overcoming it - the strength and wisdom of a godly woman.

A needed book, I recommend it highly.

Reviewed by: Keiki Hendrix
Reviewed for: The Vessel Project

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