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When a Woman You Love Was Abused: A Husband's Guide to Helping Her Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by [Jones, Dawn Scott]
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When a Woman You Love Was Abused: A Husband's Guide to Helping Her Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation Kindle Edition


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Length: 210 pages Word Wise: Enabled

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Product Description

Product Description

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It’s proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife’s suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren’t being met by a wife who is powerless to control her inner turmoil.

About the Author

Dawn Scott Jones is a survivor who has been sharing her testimony for more than twenty years. Her past challenges have deepened and enriched her ministry, enabling her to truly understand and relate to what others are going through. Dawn is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God and has served in a variety of leadership and ministry roles. A national speaker, consultant, and the creator of numerous audio teaching products, Dawn lives in Michigan.

Cecil Murphey, author of 112 books, has also assisted well-known personalities in writing their biographies.

Product Details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 431 KB
  • Print Length: 210 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0825429757
  • Publisher: Kregel Publications (Aug. 1 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B008RLPX1K
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #247,151 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Amazon.com: HASH(0x9e85f918) out of 5 stars 48 reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f4559c0) out of 5 stars A Husband's Guide to Help His Spouse Oct. 4 2012
By One Desert Rose - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Dawn Scott Jones, in her book, When a Woman You Love Was Abused, has written a superb, comprehensive guide for husbands to help their wives overcome the after effects of childhood sexual abuse/molestation in their marriage. It's deep, it's personal, and it's in-depth.

Dawn has written her book in three parts:

Understanding the Survivor-uniqueness; stolen innocence; circumstances of the abuse; dealing with the emotions; replacing the lies; image of God; and sexual intimacy
Understanding the Healing Process-healing stages; denial; deciding to heal; remembering and surviving crisis; talking; grieving; anger; forgiving
How You (The Husband) Can Help-fostering a healing environment; understanding her needs; building trust; praying for her; support for the husband; questions; finding peace

All three sections describe in intricate detail the issues as they may unfold-delineating the common symptoms women display and how the husband can understand, address and deal with them; be empathetic and validating; and get support for himself. Though the issue of counseling isn't directly dealt with, I feel it's a given from reading the book. What makes the information so pertinent and realistic is the fact that the author has gone through abuse herself.

Though the book is written with husbands in mind, I found the book helpful for the abused woman as well, helping her understand her behaviors and some of the necessary steps she will need to go through. Both parties may be bewildered by the circumstances that unfold as she starts remembering the abuse. I would venture that this information could possibly help her work through the issues more quickly or at least be aware of what is transpiring.

Though the steps to healing may be difficult, I found Dawn's book opens the door for hope as she shares her testimony. With both spouses being aware of the complications and issues, there is more opportunity of restoration in their marriage.

Dawn is clear that God is an every present guide and hope throughout the healing process, with prayer being an essential component.

This is a `must-have' if your wife's childhood sexual abuse issues are rearing their heads in your marriage.

I wanted to add another dimension that isn't directly alluded to in the book: Some women were abused at such a young age, that they learned to dissociate, some to the point of dissociative identity disorder (MPD). A good Christian psychologist or social worker is needed to open up those hidden parts. With that, I'll add a poem:

Down in the deep, dark depths of my soul
Sits a little, frightened girl.
Wondering...waiting...for someone to help.

Oh, how she agonizes deep in the night,
Wondering how anyone could cause such a fright.
Wondering...waiting...deep in the night.

What is this feeling so deep in my heart,
This crushing, heavy weight pulling me apart?
Wondering...pondering...deep in my heart.

What is the cause of it? I beg you to say.
Will I ever be allowed just to play?
Wondering...wondering... what you will say.

Agony, agony-will I ever be free?
Whatever, whatever will become of me?
Wondering...waiting...so patiently.

Jesus will do the the work of setting this girl/woman free. He's faithful and true.

There is a complementary book if the husband has also been abused. Check out When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphy.

This book was provided free by Amy Lathrop and Christen Krumm of the Litfuse Publicity Group in exchange for my honest opinion. No monetary compensation was exchanged.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f455a14) out of 5 stars insightful book for sexually abused as well as very helpful read if you want to come along side victims needing healing. May 10 2014
By Sharon Bennett - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I ordered this book for myself and even though I worked through my abuse with my husband's help a few years ago I found it to be one of the best books I've ever read on the subject. I will recommend it highly whenever I see a need in someone's life because this type of help is not readily available. I connected with almost everything she said. I have found it very helpful even though it's been several years since I was capable of opening up this dark chapter of my life to shine God's light of truth and grace upon such wickedness done to me as a child. If you even know of someone who has been through sexual abuse, it's well worth your money to keep her book on hand to loan out, and what a huge help it would have been for me to have had a friend willing to read up on this dark subject in order to help me heal and truly be understood. Thank you Dawn
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f455d14) out of 5 stars A Very Personal Tale - Not Right for Every One Dec 23 2014
By Thomas W. Smith - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
There are some really good thoughts in the book, especially in the area of understanding what the partner, in this case the man, is going through himself. It is easy reading and for an initial look for someone who is involved in this type of situation, or who knows someone who is, it is a good start. But my problem is that, by the end of the book the author's views seem to be that, no matter how hard it gets, the man should never divorce the woman. It doesn't say that, but there is the late tale of her divorce and the overlaying opinion that, even though she loves her ex-husband, that he was a failed partner for going. Just my view as I (a male and collateral "victim" of my woman partner's abuse, who after ten years of caregiving on my part, she chose to leave behind) reacted to reading it to the end. But there are some very good descriptions of situations that could forewarn and forearm someone new to these problems.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f455be8) out of 5 stars Live To Read Aug. 14 2012
By Chels - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Trying to reach out to the husbands of abused women, the author draws on her own experiences and those of women she's counseled. Of course, their wives will also benefit from reading about others like them and about how they may be trying to heal. The book is divided into sections which focus on the emotions, loneliness, and depression that survivors of sexual abuse feel, on the healing process, and on how husbands can help. I've never experienced abuse myself, but Scott Jones' writing and advice seemed intuitive and balanced. As early as page 12, she cautions husbands that the journey will be exhausting and daunting. The author warns them that their struggling wives will turn to them...but might also turn on them.
The experiences, the coping skills, the suppression of feelings, the memories and triggers... - there are so many aspects surrounding the consequences of the cruel crime that these women suffered through; Scott Jones discusses them all. I had to read and skim the chapter dealing with forgiveness a few times. It's so incomprehensible to me that the victimizer should ever be forgiven. Yet, this is a step toward healing. Even God must be forgiven, and Bible quotes are used to illustrate the precedent for having the capacity to forgive such an evil. The book is well-written, heartfelt advice; however, even with excellent guidance, I wonder if many men would be able to support and break through the lack of trust and the hurt these women must feel. I hope so.
Four Stars
7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9f456264) out of 5 stars Written by someone who has been there! Jan. 30 2015
By Richard and Liz - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Written to the husband of a survivor, this book can help a husband help his wife. First of all it is important to know how a woman who has been abused feels and what a husband may be doing to make things worse. "Sexual abuse is one of the most devastating traumas a person can experience." The author herself was abused by her father. Please note that although it is acknowledged that boys are also abused, this book concentrates mainly on girls/women. PLUS although this book is written to the husband it may well help the abused to heal and/or let those that have not been abused understand what their friend/neighbor has been through.

There are many types of sexual abuse but three main groups. What are they? Did you know that 25% of abusers are women?! Mother/son and/or mother/daughter incest "does exist and is the most devastating of all sexual encounters and difficult to recover from." What is "grooming" in the world of sexual abuse?

"Learning to feel is the beginning of healing." After pushing emotions away for so long it is scary to let yourself feel again. "Anger is the most challenging survivor emotion." A survivor has to learn how to process and channel that anger. Some of the notes on the top of the chapters are from men whose wives have been abused.

What is a trigger? What are some of those triggers? What about flashbacks? Learn about the common lies that survivors believe. How do they see God? Is it possible to have a healthy sex life between husband and wife? Yes but it may need to be cultivated and the husband needs to be aware of how his actions towards sex may be triggering bad memories in his wife. Communicate well. Tell each other what is enjoyable, what is not.

One of the biggest factors in all this is TIME. Healing takes TIME and the survivor needs to want to be healed. The last section in the book is titled "How You Can Help" and talks about the need for the husband to pray for his wife, to be patient, flexible and committed. The author recommends that the husband find a good support person that he can talk with.

A well-written book that although written by a Christian is not preachy. This book could definitely be a help to non-Christians also. The author has known much heartache but the epilogue is beautiful and definitely uplifting. This is a tough subject but one that has been broached with a sensitive spirit without demeaning what a girl/woman may have experienced.

Husbands, you can help your wife through this!