Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman Paperback – Oct 12 2010
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“Scottoline savors every last bit of her life, and so will you.” ―People magazine
“Plunging into home improvement frenzy, constructing a chicken coop, figuring out mystifying insurance policies and how not to die at the gym are some of the conundrums this ordinary woman faces with verve and wicked humor, especially how her beloved dogs have contentedly replaced the romance in her life.” ―Publishers Weekly
“Scottoline takes the fodder of everyday life and offers witty reflections from a female perspective.” ―Booklist
“…shrewd, tart, sensitive and hard to resist.” ―Kirkus Reviews
“She has compiled about 70 of the funniest, smartest and most poignant dispatches into one deliciously exuberant collection. What really makes this collection so addictive is Scottoline's way of capturing everyday moments, dissecting them and coming up with unexpected and slightly off-kilter observations about life.” ―Book Page
About the Author
Lisa Scottoline is the New York Times bestselling author of novels including Look Again, Lady Killer, Think Twice, Save Me and Everywhere That Mary Went. She also writes a weekly column, "Chick Wit," with her daughter Francesca Serritella, for The Philadelphia Inquirer. The columns have been collected in My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space. She has won an Edgar® Award and Cosmopolitan magazine's "Fun Fearless Fiction" Award, and she is the president of Mystery Writers of America. She teaches a course on justice and fiction at the University of Pennsylvania Law School, her alma mater. She lives in the Philadelphia area.See all Product Description
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Lisa Scottoline's new book is often hilarious, like when she writes about Spanx ("like slipping into a tourniquet"). Lisa, who wrote sixteen novels, also penned a regular newspaper column about the lives of ordinary women. Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog edits and re-presents her columns.
Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog, details events common to the lives of ordinary women. We relive incidents like: choosing which bacteria to accept, the art of reading ads, and lessons learned from Archie comic books. We see a new perspective on hot flashes, which are really "God's way of compensating women for all the years they spent being cold." Then we contemplate washing our face with diamond dust (it exfoliates the skin - but wash it off or your "face will be sparkly").
Two sections I especially enjoyed were the concept of a new religion where a wife can have as many husbands as she wishes, and a chore list where men can exchange "have a baby" with "take out the trash". The idea of men bearing the children is interesting at best and horrible to contemplate at worst.
I highly recommend this book for regular comedy breaks. The chapters are very short, so you can read a chapter during a 5 minute coffee break and take the laugh back with you to work. I especially recommend this book to women and hope someday a woman will explain the parts that passed me by.
Her views on finances, food, pets vs. men, and how the mother-daughter relationship shifts over the years are so relatable that I couldn't stop reading.
I especially enjoyed her perspective on resolutions. She has what she calls "unresolutions," which are simply things you're already doing that you don't want to change, like: "UnResolution Number One. I sleep in my clothes, and I resolve to keep sleeping in my clothes. I know this sounds weird, and it helps that my clothes are fleece pants and a fleece top, because I work at home..."
Then there's her chapter on "Things to Do." She describes it this way: "To explain, I let my Things to Do pile up because when I'm in the final draft of a book, I do nothing else. I let everything go, including my roots. You don't want to see me with final-draft roots. It looks like my hair got caught in a forest fire, leaving behind burnt trunks and a very single woman."
Then in the beginning of her chapter on "Bail-Outs," she describes how, with Thanksgiving just around the corner, we look for the people in our lives for whom we're thankful...and then she describes a rainy day when she was searching for an address, becoming more and more confused when she couldn't find the number which seemed nonexistent, and then a stranger appeared. Someone who handed her an umbrella and proceeded to look for and discover that the "out-of-order" address number was just down the street, and she realized that she was suddenly thankful for the kindness of a complete stranger who went out of his way to help her.
Full of gems of wisdom, quirkiness, and down-to-earth anecdotes that fill ordinary lives and make us smile, Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman is a book that I know I'll reread often, just so I can laugh. And relate to one of my favorite authors who seems to be just like you and me.
This book isn't a legal thriller or a work of fiction. Rather it is Scottoline speaking about myriad parts of her life; her family, her pets, moments in her life, past relationships and her views and/or wisdom on certain aspects of life. Since she reads the book, I found her voice to be both pleasant and annoying at the same time. How, I don't know.
Some of her stories were very endearing, such as her devotion to her pets. She speaks about when one of her dogs passed away, after owning the dog for many years. I recently had to put my cat asleep that was 20 years old, so I could relate. In addition, Scottoline speaks of her devotion to her family, especially her daughter Francesca.
Speaking of Francesca, she actually chimes in and reads parts of this book. I found her insight rather interesting and refreshing. Francesca, at the time of this book, is 21. Her voice is very pleasant and her viewpoint a nice contrast from that of her mother.
As for Scottoline, I found her subtle sexist remarks made during the course of this novel rather vexing. She refers to her first and second husbands as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2", respectably. Now at face value this is sort of cute. Yet I felt that this disdain for her ex-husbands bled over to all men. Don't get me wrong, men and women all fall victim of sexist views from time to time. These heuristics can be beneficial, but in the long run this type of thinking will only bring frustration. It has also been my experience that when a person dates/marries a person who is less than satisfactory. It is a reflection on the person themselves. Now take that one step further, if these same "issues" keep popping up with the selection of "mates". Maybe the problem is with the person who is doing the "selecting".
I am a huge fan of non sequitur humor. There is quite a bit in this book and at times it is very funny. Then at times it is really annoying. A perfect example is when Scottoline goes on, for a long time, about how she and her friend love to interrupt one and other. Perhaps this book isn't designed for my type of demographic. I always found myself a fan of the feminine work and/or art form. Yet I felt more irked than entertained while listening to this book. I wonder if her legal thrillers are any better?
Last week I got a new car (well, new to me...) and once again, I have a CD player that works. I decided the best way to celebrate this union of old driver and new car was to get an audio book to take away the boredom of traffic jams and offer me humor whilst I waited for lights to change color or tow trucks to get a move on.
I ordered Lisa Scottoline's audio book "Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog", not knowing quite what to expect. From the description, it sounded like Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten but with a couple extra ingredients - a healthy dose of estrogen and her unique wit. I took the Nestea Plunge and ordered it.
I found myself going through a disc per day with my travels to and from work. Lisa had me laughing out loud with her stories about _not_ chloroforming her mother (when her brother is around), the most expensive slingshots (thongs), her ex-husbands Thing 1 and Thing 2 (minor characters), and her favorite type of porn (real estate ads). Her outlook on life was quite refreshing and the dynamic between Author Lisa and Daughter Francesca (who lent her voice as well) was very sweet and endearing. In one chapter Lisa would talk about Brother Frank and Mother Mary arguing over his newest tattoo, and by the next chapter Lisa would be talking about the joy of hot flashes.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I loved this audio book! How could I not? I wanted humor and this audio book brought its "A" game. I was quite pleased to hear the author's voice, as most other audio books I've bought are read by someone else. I could hear her smiling as she told her tales while I supped upon flavored water during rush hour.
Though this may be marketed for "extraordinary, ordinary women everywhere", I got quite a kick out of listening to Lisa's hilarious girl talk.
My only complaint? There is no list of tracks anywhere, so if you hear something you want to share, you better write down the CD and track number!
Bottom Line? Old jokes bring new smiles - so pick this up if you're looking for some laughs!