Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back Paperback – Aug 19 2014
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Praise for Worthy of Her Trust
"Can you rebuild marital trust after sexual sin? Yes, and Jason Martinkus and Stephen Arterburn will show you how. Jason and his wife, Shelley, take you on their deeply personal and spiritual journey from betrayal to trust. Read this book and apply the principles, and you, too, can regain trust in your marriage.“
—Dr. David Clarke, Christian psychologist, speaker, and author of I Don't Want a Divorce
“This book opens the reader’s eyes to the difficult truth and reality of what it takes to rebuild trust in a relationship devastated by sexual betrayal. My marriage would not have survived without God’s grace and the wisdom and essential guidance found in Worthy of Her Trust. Any man committed to winning back his wife at all costs needs to read this book!”
“No matter how tragic and seemingly irreparable your marriage may be, there is hope. My husband wanted to rebuild trust in a hopeless situation. He learned and continues to implement the amends matrix, and he has kept 242 days of the T-30 journal. We have not only experienced reconciliation, but we have been restored individually. For that I am eternally grateful! If you are both ready to let God redeem the past and help you build trust again, Worthy of Her Trust will show you how.”
“Finally, for one of the darkest periods of any relationship, Jason has delivered a no-nonsense, inspired approach for rebuilding shattered trust. By sharing his compassion and insight, he has opened the door for true transformation and growth. This is a must-read book if moving forward is your goal.”
“Worthy of Her Trust is the go-to, step-by-step resource for professionals or anyone seeking guidance through the trust-building process. Martinkus presents a model of relationship intimacy—based on closeness and honesty—a connection that becomes both the context and motivation for the redemptive journey.”
—Bob Sklar, LMFT
About the Author
Stephen Arterburn is coauthor of the bestselling Every Man series, founder and chairman of New Life Clinics, host of the daily New Life Live! national radio program, creator of the Women of Faith Conferences, a licensed minister, and the author of more than one hundred books and editor of ten Bible projects. He lives in Laguna Beach, California.
Jason B. Martinkus worked in the corporate world for years before becoming a national speaker for the Every Man’s Battle Workshops and president of Redemptive Living, a Denver-based counseling ministry dedicated to helping men with sexual integrity issues. He has a master’s degree in counseling from Denver Seminary.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
I was fine until Jason started to talk about his road to recovery. He started to list off all the ways he had abandoned his wife, left her feeling hopeless and hurt. He talked about this ideal sculpture of a relationship that they had started their marriage with, and how he had destroyed that sculpture over time. In my mind I was picturing the difference between a six year old taking down Lego pieces two by two and changing the shape of the sculpture, versus a two year old who comes in and completely destroys the Lego sculpture with one fail swoop. Whether it happened in one major event, or a series of events over time, this wife was destroyed. Her picture of marriage lay scattered across the floor.
It was in his explanation of a path to rebuilding trust that the interview began hitting very close to home. Suddenly I found myself thinking of all the little ways I had broken down my wife's trust over the years. In our 13 years of marriage, I too had torn down the pieces of her sculpture. I didn't do this in large destructive swings with a wrecking ball, but I had done it by repeatedly tearing it down, piece by piece.
If you knew my wife and I, you would say we are an example for others. You would say that our marriage appears strong. We get along great, and really are best friends. We do ministry together in our youth group, we do foster care in our community, we have two biological children who are well behaved, and we have adopted a child domestically who was born into some unfortunate circumstances. On the outside, everything is great.
On the inside, we are just as messed up as a couple in the midst of a battle over sexual integrity. It wasn't through Jason's story of failure, but through his message of trust-building that I realized how my actions had eroded away at the mountain of a man my wife needed as her husband. The biggest realization that completely overwhelmed me, was that I had also had an affair that had destroyed the trust in my marriage.
My affair wasn't physical. In fact, it wasn't even with another woman! My affair had been with my job. I had let my career and work come before my family, and I was proving to her (time and again) that she wasn't important to me. I will show up 15 minutes early to any and all work appointments, but arrive home 30 minutes late when she's had a rough day with the kids. I'll completely rearrange my schedule for a client, but won't be there for an important foster care hearing. You get the idea.
My failures also came through in other relationships. We love to give each other a hard time, always joking around. However, I had taken this too far when other people were around. For the sake of a little friendly joking, I was actually eroding away at her self esteem and failing to defend her by not applying some limits in public settings. I was also failing to properly defend her in relationships with our extended families, and had left her feeling abandoned by the very man who was put here to protect her and sacrifice himself for the sake of his wife.
I told my wife about the book, and she devoured it. She's a much faster reader, so she was through it before I could get a page turned into the third chapter. We decided instead to start over, and read through it together, chapter by chapter. This book took us back to scripture, took us to the picture of a man being willing to love his wife as Christ loves the church. For the first time in our 13 years, I started to see a glimpse of what that meant. It's easy to say it when it's right there to read in Ephesians 5:25, but applying it was always a mystery. The book hasn't made me an expert over night, but I am certainly seeing more clearly.
If you're going to read this book expecting to apply a 10-step process to recovery, you are wrong. If you are hoping this book will give you the fix you need in order to restore your marriage by the end of the year, you are wrong. If you are unwilling to open your heart in order to allow this book to communicate a conceptual view of marriage and your wife's God given needs, don't waste your time.
However, if you would be so willing as to open your heart and allow God to do some work. Take what a man has written and reference back to what God has said in His Word, and allow steps to be taken that could change the trajectory of your marriage. This is all very new to my wife and I, but I can see that we are now headed into a better direction.
Understand that God created your wife with different needs, different desires, and move to meet those demands in order to affect her response to you in every situation. Use this book in premarital counseling, use it when your marriage is mature and healthy, and use it when disaster strikes. It's an effective guide to understand what it takes to be the man God intended you to be inside of your marriage. Don't just look at the infidelity, and don't literally apply everything from the book. Talk about these things with your wife, and apply solutions based on the thoughts conveyed by one man's experience, and by God's holy designs for one man and one woman to be joined together as one flesh.
The only negative I would not recommend EMB program (Every Man's Battle). Not because its expensive, it is, but because it is critical that both the husband & wife work together. I know that NL has a program for the wives, but again its more $$ and still they are not working together in front of a counselor that specializes in sexual sin. The couple may need individual counseling, however, if the marriage is going to be restored they both must do that work together. Perhaps Jason & Shelley would consider doing such intensives for couples , at a reasonable rate, not the very expensive programs that are out there.
This was a verified purchase. Actually I have purchased several of these to give away. When writing the review Amazon did not allow the "verified purchase" option.