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Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget Paperback – June 7 2016
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For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Drinking felt like freedom, part of her birthright as a strong, enlightened twenty-first-century woman.
But there was a price. She often blacked out, waking up with a blank space where four hours should be. Mornings became detective work on her own life. What did I say last night? How did I meet that guy? She apologized for things she couldn't remember doing, as though she were cleaning up after an evil twin. Publicly, she covered her shame with self-deprecating jokes, and her career flourished, but as the blackouts accumulated, she could no longer avoid a sinking truth. The fuel she thought she needed was draining her spirit instead.
A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, Blackout is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure -- the sober life she never wanted. Shining a light into her blackouts, she discovers the person she buried, as well as the confidence, intimacy, and creativity she once believed came only from a bottle. Her tale will resonate with anyone who has been forced to reinvent or struggled in the face of necessary change. It's about giving up the thing you cherish most -- but getting yourself back in return.
- Print length256 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherGrand Central Publishing
- Publication dateJune 7 2016
- Dimensions13.34 x 1.91 x 20.32 cm
- ISBN-109781455554584
- ISBN-13978-1455554584
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Review
"It's hard to think of another memoir that burrows inside an addict's brain like this one does. . . . Her writing lights up the pages, and she infuses the chapters describing her resolute slog toward sobriety with warmth and sprightly humor. [Grade:] A."―Entertainment Weekly
"You don't need to be a reformed problem drinker to appreciate Hepola's gripping memoir about the years she lost to alcohol-and the self she rediscovered once she quit."―People, "Summer's Best Books"
"Brutally funny and alarmingly honest."―Entertainment Weekly, "Must List"
"Hepola unstintingly documents both her addiction's giddy pleasures and its grim tolls. Her account will leave you breathless-and impressed."―People, "Smart New Memoirs"
"Alcohol was the fuel of choice during Hepola's early years as a writer, but after too many nights spent falling down staircases, sleeping with men she didn't remember the next day, and narrowly surviving countless other near disasters, she fought her way clear of addiction and dared to face life without a drink in hand."―O Magazine, "The Season's Best Biographies and Memoirs"
"Wry, spirited. . . . Hepola avoids the tropes of the 'getting sober' confessional and takes us into unexplored territory, revealing what it's like to begin again-and actually like the person you see in the mirror."―MORE Magazine
"Hepola is an enchanting storyteller who writes in a chummy voice. She's that smart, witty friend you want to have dinner with. . . . Like Caroline Knapp's powerful 1996 memoir 'Drinking: A Love Story,' 'Blackout is not preachy or predictable: It's an insightful, subtly inspiring reflection by a woman who came undone and learned the very hard way how to put herself back together."―Washington Post
"A memoir that's good and true is a work of art that stands the literary test of time and also serves a purpose in the present. It mines intimate, personal experiences to raise bigger questions, tell a bigger story, help readers understand themselves, their circumstances, their world. Like the best sermon, the best memoir comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable. This rare bird is the Southern belle of literature: forceful, punctilious, beautiful. BLACKOUT, the debut memoir by Salon editor Sarah Hepola, is one such memoir. It's as lyrically written as a literary novel, as tightly wound as a thriller, as well-researched as a work of investigative journalism, and as impossible to put down as, well, a cold beer on a hot day."―Chicago Tribune
"Hepola refuses to uncomplicate the complicated, one of her memoir's greatest strengths. Yes, we see the familiar recovery story arc-I drank too much, I hit bottom, I found AA-but with it comes a deep dive into the shame, fear and perfectionism that tilt so many women toward defiant self-destruction with the goal of annihilating the confused flawed self to emerge different, better. Invincible. Reflecting on the fantasies that suffused her drinking years, a newly sober Hepola comes to see that they 'all had one thing in common: I was always someone else in them.'"―Los Angeles Times
"Riveting. . . .Tough and street-smart (and a little vulnerable), honest (as far as I can tell), she's sassy and funny, mouthy and flip, hard on herself and without a shred of self-pity."―Minneapolis Star Tribune
"Painfully honest, occasionally tragic and frequently hilarious. . . . Hepola dissects herself with razor-sharp powers of observation and self-awareness, in a voice that is intelligent and remarkably free of self-pity. She's like a good friend spilling secrets you don't really want to hear."―San Antonio Express-News
"An incisive, funny look backward at life."―Dallas Observer
"I love a recovery memoir, just in general, but Sarah Hepola's 'Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget', is an absolute stand-out in the genre. Her writing is superb, but her emotional insight is even greater."―Lenny
"Hepola delves into her own lush life as the merry lit gal about town with unique intensity...In this valiant, gracious work of powerful honesty, Hepola confronts head-on the minefield of self-sabotage that binge drinking caused in her work, relationships, and health before she eventually turned her life around."―Publisher's Weekly
"A poignant and revealing look into the mind of an alcoholic . . . . one of the best memoirs I've read. . . . [a] tour de force."―The Huffington Post
"This is a must-read for recovering addicts; for women susceptible to the glamour of being modern and independent; for anyone who has had a difficult past, and who wants to heal, but who wants mostly to laugh at themselves. Basically, we should all be reading Blackout this summer (and wishing the incredibly smart and candid Hepola was our BFF)."―Bustle
"Alcoholism is a difficult subject to tackle, but Sarah Hepola does so with grace and candor in this memoir about her own struggle with addiction. . . . Captivating and inspiring."―Bookish
"The writing is incredibly smart and maintains a level of intensity you don't often find in long-form memoirs....BLACKOUT is an enthralling interrogation of a life. Even the most banal moments are beautiful, elevated, and resonate across the human experience."―The Rumpus
"The book makes a case for toughness as both a valuable alternate default for women as well as a terrific conduit to self-destruction-just as much as vulnerability, and perhaps even more so. . . . Her style is bright, salty, cutting."―Jezebel
"Revelatory. . . . [Hepola] isn't trying to shock us, though her book is one part gross to four parts engrossing; she is merely painting an honest Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Drunk. And then, without the help of either Prince Charming or Jesus, she saves herself, for no other reason than because it's time."―Flavorwire
"A razor-sharp memoir that reveals the woman behind the wine glass. . . . Modern, raw, and painfully real-and even hilarious. As much as readers will cry over the author's boozy misadventures-bruising falls down marble staircases, grim encounters with strangers in hotel rooms, entire evenings' escapades missing from memory-they will laugh as Hepola laughs at herself, at the wrongheaded logic of the active alcoholic who rationalizes it all as an excuse for one more drink. . . . Hepola moves beyond the analysis of her addiction, making this the story of every woman's fight to be seen for who she really is. . . . Her honesty, and her ultimate success, will inspire anyone who knows a change is needed but thinks it may be impossible. A treasure trove of hard truths mined from a life soaked in booze."―Kirkus Reviews (starred review)
"Her true bravery emerges in this memoir's witty candor. . . . her own sobriety is as funny and fearless as her drinking days. . . . A rollicking and raw account of binge-drinking, blacking out and getting sober."―BookPage
"Bitingly funny, while at the same time its painful, unflinching details about alcoholism make your skin crawl...brash enough to pummel you into the ground, but honest enough to pick you back up after that pummeling...The pairing of disarmingly poignant moments with Hepola's unwavering dedication to telling the complete truth about her story--both the triumphs and the humiliations--makes BLACKOUT one of the most affecting memoirs I've read...Fundamentally, this is a story about overcoming the roadblocks in life that are specifically self-constructed. Hepola's writing is bombastic and graceful at once, making BLACKOUT a must-read."―BookTrib
"The story of a rising star's journey of self-destruction and realization, BLACKOUT is gripping, alternately excruciating and funny, scary and hopeful, and beautifully written. I loved it."―Anne Lamott, author of Small Victories and Traveling Mercies
"Sarah Hepola is my favorite kind of memoirist. She is a reporter with a poet's instincts, an anthropologist of her own soul. BLACKOUT is a book about drinking and eventual sobriety, but it's also an exploration of the fleeting nature of the comfort we all constantly seek--comfort with the self, with others, with the whole maddening, confusing, exhilarating world. What's more, Hepola's ability to bring such precise and evocative life to the blank spaces that were her drinking blackouts is downright stunning in places. I admire this book tremendously."―Meghan Daum, author of The Unspeakable: And Other Subjects of Discussion
"This is a book about welcoming yourself back from a long absence. It's a memoir, but its author is not its main character; she is a new person sprung from the ashes of another one whose alcoholic self-erasure she describes with painful honesty and charming humor. A book about freedom that will help set others free as well."―Walter Kirn, author of Blood Will Out and Up In the Air
"Sarah Hepola's BLACKOUT is the best kind of memoir: fiercely funny, full of hard-won wisdom, marked by a writer with phenomenal gifts of observation and insight. The book engages universal questions--Where do I belong? What fulfills me?--that will engage any reader."―Emily Rapp, author of The Still Point of the Turning World
About the Author
Product details
- ASIN : 1455554588
- Publisher : Grand Central Publishing; Reprint edition (June 7 2016)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 9781455554584
- ISBN-13 : 978-1455554584
- Item weight : 204 g
- Dimensions : 13.34 x 1.91 x 20.32 cm
- Best Sellers Rank: #76,413 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #141 in Recovery from Alcoholism
- #1,082 in Women's Biographies (Books)
- #2,638 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Sarah Hepola is the personal essays editor at Salon.com. Her writing has been published by the New York Times magazine, The New Republic, Elle, Glamour, The Guardian, Slate, and The Morning News, where she is a contributing writer. She lives in Dallas.
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This is a story of reluctant redemption ... The real deal. Believable.
One of the top ten on the subject!
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My critique is split into three parts.
Part 1: The main bulk of the book. Probably 85-90% of the book. Very very well written. A flabbergasting and brutally honest chronicle of the mechanics of alcoholism and a description of its effects on every bit of her life. Hard to believe anyone in the world would read this and still want to go get drunk. But as Sarah illustrates, alcoholism plays cruel games on your mind, so who knows, some folks may read this and still feel like getting a drink…
Hepola's writing style is engaging and quick. Great language skills. On the flip side of this compliment, I would also give my only real critique. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think, at times, Hepola tries a bit too hard to be witty. I felt like salvos of "smart-ass" language (for lack of a better term) were raining down on me. Admittedly, a lot of it -- most of it, actually -- was in fact very witty and entertaining. I just had a nagging sense that she was trying harder than was called for or needed in order to make her point. Her story is so powerful and compelling that I suspect that even had she written it using a 4th grader's vocabulary, it still would have been equally captivating. On the extremely remote chance that Sarah is actually reading this, I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. Not trying to be mean.
Part 2: The few chapters after she quits drinking. These are last few chapters, maybe 10-15% of the book. Like a highly skilled and seasoned journalist/reporter/blogger, Sarah “reported” her life fantastically well up until the point she finally quits drinking. But somehow, at that point in the book, I think Sarah struggled with trying to put together a grand "message to the world". I don’t know if/why she felt her story was not enough on its own. But to me, I felt like I was a tad getting lost in philosophical discussion where it was not really needed. Unlike the rest of the book, here I felt she used way too many words to say something that could have been expressed in a few short paragraphs. Again, not a crime and does not diminish from the overall quality of the work. Just my two cents, but I think those last chapters don't do justice to the rest of the book and the quality of her writing.
Part 3: The final part. I’m not even sure Sarah considers this an official part of the book. It’s just a few pages, after the end of the book. Not an epilog. I don't want to spoil this for anyone, so am being a bit vague in order to not give away too much. Basically, Sarah reviews some of the sources inspiration she had for this book and how to write it. Holy s*** --- that was a home run! Reading that was what brought everything together. Suddenly, dozens of things in the book just fell into place and made sense. You know how sometimes you’re listening to the radio. You hear a song and you just KNOW what the next song will be. You have common roots and associations with the musical editor and you are thinking on the same wave length. So this is what I felt reading the end of her book. I suddenly knew EXACTLY where she was inspired and by whom. It was like Spock’s Vulcan Mind Meld. I was inside Sarah’s head and she was in mine. What was just a sense while reading of “who does that remind me of” or “why is this so strangely reminding me of a certain book or movie” – it all became a joyful and brilliant cornucopia of being able to attribute so many things in the book to common sources of inspiration. She managed to do this and still be legit and original! Not one ounce of copying from anyone else, just pure inspiration that must have been infused into her very core over decades. I loved it! It was so powerful. So part 3 was actually incredibly important for me and is what elevated the book back to a 5 for me. My final note on this is that I had never noticed this literary technique used before of specifically listing sources of inspiration the way she had done it. Like almost everything else in the world, I’m assuming it’s been done before (Incidentally, in the book there is probably the best one-liner on earth for these cases – look up the word Zebra and you’ll find it…). If not, and for some reason Sarah is the first to have used such a technique --- then major league kudos!
With her best friend, Anna, who had the “industrial grade memory,” Hepola observed that the gift to a friend is to remember minute details she told you about her life. Yet, later in the book she realized that despite the deep friendship for so many decades with Anna, she had been replaced, and that saddened her. But earlier, she frets over offending Anna after Anna gave birth. Hepola observed the indirectness of female friendships.
Hepola’s memoir proves to be much more than a story about alcoholism. While Hepola has another memoir due out soon that deals her dating life, I only wish that still another memoir would deal with her relationships with her many female friends.
She spends a lot of time talking about her love life which I guess she links to the drinking but it felt more about her lack of self esteem and neediness. Her drinking stories - ok some are a bit crazy - but mostly they are just quite boring.
These type of books are great if they inspire you or you feel fascinated by their story and recovery. I just felt the author's journey was not that special compared to others in the same situation. Sorry but just wasn't for me.
I gave up before the end as life is too short to stick with books that really aren't doing it for you.







