The Time Machine Did It Kindle Edition

The Time Machine Did It is, without hyperbole, the funniest book I've ever read. I think I laughed out loud on every page --- and that was while reading it on a kindle. The author, John Swartzwelder, was the lead writer on a number of classic Simpsons episodes, and it definitely shows. That's not to say that the jokes and situations are Simpsonsesque, though; the humour is uniquely Swartzwelder's. What I mean is that after reading this book, you won't have any trouble believing that its author gave us some of the funniest and most intelligent half hours of TV to come out of the 1990s.

If you enjoy laughing, then you have no excuse not to purchase this book. It's a short one that you can breeze through in a day or two, chuckling or outright guffawing all the way through. Its two sequels are next on my to-read list.

John Swartzwelder, notoriously reclusive Simpsons scribe, is known for penning some of that show's funniest and most culturally pointed episodes. He is capable of being absurd without succumbing to plot-driven idiocy and able to nestle high-brow-rising humor next to the goofiest of puns without skipping a beat. Few of the show's current writers can boast his kind of output, whether you're measuring it by episode or by how many gags he can fit into any given minute.

His books (four so far) don't try to follow coherency as much as his work on The Simpsons. Instead, he uses the medium as a forum for his stream-of-consciousness wise-cracking. Mass by volume, these slim tomes have the same silly density as his episodes, even if they sprawl ten times as much. For the most part, Swartzwelder sticks to the same basic formula that made his shows a success: a fat and idiotic central character gets into all manner of monkey-shines and comes out mostly unchanged. Instead of Homer, though, our main man is called Frank Burly.

THE TIME MACHINE DID IT
Frank Burly introduces us to his unlikely career as a private eye. Although his primary talents are screwing things up and getting beaten on a regular basis, he ends up with a fairly important case. A bum claims that he used to be a millionaire, but criminals with a time machine retroactively stole his wealth. Burly's in over his head (heck, this guy gets in over his head just trying to tie his shoes), but that doesn't stop him from barreling headfirst into the mystery and subsequently making it messier and harder to solve. Quickly written, hastily plotted, and genuinely funny, this is one of the few books I've ever read that's gotten me to laugh out-loud, and on a regular basis. 5 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his imprisonment and torture by the criminals -- "I held up under all this pretty well. I was sleeping like a baby -- waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants."

DOUBLE WONDERFUL
Swartzwelder makes a mistake. Instead of one central character with the brains of a dusty cactus, he creates an entire town of them. The citizens of the Wild West town of Slackjaw are having economic troubles. Part of their problem is that the "wild" in their western town is missing; it's a pretty boring place, plus it exists in the shadows of the world-renowned Double Wonderful ranch, run by a wealthy couple who are so perfect, God owes them favors. They try desperately to bring fame and/or notoriety to their little corner of the world, but most of their ideas are pretty lame (encourage bandits to rob them, hang the mayor, etc.). They eventually get their wish, and it's mildly amusing, but the scattered scope of the story's lunacy and its slap-dash conclusion are pretty harried. You won't laugh as much as you'll roll your eyes. Not bad; not great. Notable mainly because the story's central theme (the horrifying price of fame) gives you some real clues as to why Mr. Swartzwelder himself so adamantly chooses to stay out of the spotlight. 3 Stars. MOST SELF-REFERENTIAL LINE: "...Buntline said that short books were the best selling kind ... That's what the reading public wanted in a book these days, he said. They wanted to get as close as possible to not reading at all."

HOW I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET
Swartzwelder, catching on, brings Frank Burly back to the fore. He's still a private detective, he's still pretty bad at it, and he's still stumbling backwards into strange cases (and sometimes plate glass windows). This time the case may have something to do with Martians. Or maybe it's Neptunians. They're both very similar, as far as aliens look, although it's harder to pronounce the word "Neptunians." While going about his daily routine of getting in the way of things, Frank ends up alienating (nyuk, nyuk) all sorts of planetary species. And, of course, he conquers your planet. Not as consistent as "Time Machine," but much sharper than "Double Wonderful." 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his new alien secretary -- "...I discovered that I had hired a surprisingly dedicated secretary, who listened in on my phone calls, patted down my visitors, looked through my desk for me each morning before I got in, even appeared in my dreams taking notes."

THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE
Frank Burly's back, this time augmenting his act with a mostly-malfunctioning jetpack. His inability to steer is overshadowed, however, by his ability to withstand multiple explosive collisions, and he becomes something of a superhero. The new title doesn't fit him so well, because it requires that he get up before noon and commit all kinds of acts, most of them selfless and painful. He ends up getting involved in a battle against a super villain, a washed up James Bond type, and another time machine. Although this book is as funny as the previous, it makes it obvious that, while Burly's adventures through time and space are all well and good, Swartzwelder might do well to actually keep his gags confined to the realm of detective work. I doubt it took the man longer than a couple of days to write any of these books, but this is the first time I felt it really showed. 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly has infiltrated a Secret Club for Super Villains, searching for his would-be assassin -- "I continued around the room ... making it sound like I was a new member who was just making conversation. "Have you been trying to kill me?" I would ask, casually. "I'm just curious. Or we could talk about the weather, if you like. The weather's been trying to kill me too.'"

Hilarious! If you're a big fan of The Simpsons first 10 seasons then you may or may not know that John Schwartzwelder wrote tons of episodes, and most of the best ones. Once I realized that, and then heard about his books, I figured I'd love the books too. My only complaint is that I wish it was longer. I'll make my way through his other books soon. There are some great reviews of this book that also detail his others so I direct you to those, but as a new comer to Schwartzwelder books I was not disappointed. Are you ready to laugh?

"[I jumped out the booby-trapped car.] I was going over sixty at the time, but luckily I didn't hit the ground. There was a cliff there and I just went harmlessly over that. But just when you're sailing along, thinking everything is going to be okay, something unexpected comes along to jar you out of your complacency. For me, in this case, it was the bottom of the cliff."

I, like other reviewers, first heard of this book via the audio commentary on the Simpsons dvd's. Being a fan of Swartzwelder's writing on the Simpsons, I gave this a shot. It' s a very short read. This works to its advantage, though, since alot of the early manic energy starts to peter out when Swartzwelder starts focusing more on exposition than narrative. That being said, it's been a *long* time since I physically laughed out loud to tearful hysterics while reading (I believe the last book I did that with was almost more than a decade ago with the Dilbert Principle), and there are plenty of moments when I had to set the book down, grab a tissue and struggle to wipe my eyes, which would be busy shooting out salty streams of joy. Or put another way - I generally like to read when I'm taking the bus to work or some such, but while reading this, I refrained, as I'm sure that my maniacal laughter every few minutes would have disturbed the other passengers.

There is a caveat - Swartzwelder has a very specific style of humor. I would best decribe it as nonchalant absurdism. From the quote I provide and from the quotes other reviewers provide, hopefully you can tell if this is the style of humor you would enjoy. If it is, though, you should immediately purchase this book.