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Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids Kindle Edition
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Sixteen literary luminaries on the controversial subject of being childless by choice, in this critically acclaimed, bestselling anthology
One of the most provocative and talked-about books of the year, Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed is the stunning collection exploring one of society’s most vexing taboos.
One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed “fertility crisis,” and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all—a successful career and the required 2.3 children—before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, the conversation has turned to whether it’s necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.
In this exciting and controversial collection of essays, curated by writer Meghan Daum, thirteen acclaimed female writers explain why they have chosen to eschew motherhood. Contributors include Lionel Shriver, Sigrid Nunez, Kate Christensen, Elliott Holt, Geoff Dyer, and Tim Kreider, among others, who will give a unique perspective on the overwhelming cultural pressure of parenthood.
This collection makes a smart and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path to a happy, productive life, and takes our parent-centric, kid-fixated, baby-bump-patrolling culture to task in the process. In this book, that shadowy faction known as the childless-by-choice comes out into the light.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPicador
- Publication dateMarch 31 2015
- File size737 KB
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About the Author
Review
“Anthologies aren't famous for changing attitudes en masse, but at the very least this one gives voice to the complexities of assuming and enjoying a 'child-free' life....The sixteen essays are cleverly arranged, creating a satisfying intellectual and emotional arc....The reader is treated to nearly every reason one might choose to forgo having children.” ―Kate Bolick, The New York Times Book Review
“[A] searing collection...The child-burdened should come away from this engaging collection with a rich sense of what they have missed.” ―Katie Roiphe, The Washington Post
“A round of applause to Meghan Daum for putting this book together....Entertaining and heartfelt.” ―The Boston Globe
“Provocative.” ―Elissa Schappell, Vanity Fair
“The 16 essays--variously funny, devastating, infuriating, insightful, and, yes, occasionally smug--not only dismantle the assumption of selfishness, they shed light on a stigma that's remained stubbornly pervasive...Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed is generally very strong, bringing together a diverse range of voices and styles to riff entertainingly on a subject that has seemed, up until now, unriffable. But as a collection of manifestos, it's hugely significant.” ―TheAtlantic.com
“Some [essays] are moving, some are clear-eyed and straightforward, and some are straight-up funny.” ―The Guardian (London)
“I highly recommend the book. Each essay is unique and thought-provoking.” ―Bitch.com
“Refreshing for this reader, who's a parent but who also has no trouble identifying with non-parents; though we might come to different decisions (to become parents or not), we still worry and ponder and project in similar ways...The anthology's variation in tone proves that, like those with children, the childless aren't some monolithic group with identical motives....It's this kind of open-minded honesty that will move the topic away from its limiting us versus them binaries.” ―Edan Lepucki, The Millions
“Shallow conversation-changers are nowhere to be found in this searing collection.” ―The Huffington Post
“Oftentimes hilarious and heartbreaking, and riddled throughout with truth.” ―Minda Honey, Los Angeles Review of Books
“The most recent and high-profile addition to the developing canon of writing by childfree women on their lives--and recommended reading for anyone who wants fascinating, thrilling, and occasionally frustrating insight into the lives of the childfree.” ―Bustle
“Potent and sorely needed antidote to this toxic myth comes in Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, edited by the brilliant Meghan Daum-a writer of rare aptitude for articulating the unspeakable. The contributions-sometimes witty, sometimes wistful, always wise-come from such celebrated authors as Geoff Dyer, Anna Holmes, and Sigrid Nunez...Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed is a nuanced and necessary read in its totality.” ―Maria Popova, Brain Pickings
“Maybe I really am selfish, shallow and self-absorbed. But at least I'm not alone, and this collection was a fantastic reminder.” ―BlogHer
“[An] absorbing collection....some entries are heart-wrenching...while others are downright hilarious.” ―Publishers Weekly
“A taboo will linger until someone writes lyrically enough to destroy it. Here, sixteen writers finally say what women are never supposed to but what we all know is true: pregnancy seems terrifying, birth even more so, baby lust passes, and, just as with men, work, creativity, and love affairs can crowd out everything else. Also, who really cares about getting a Mother's Day card? My three children are of course perfect in every way and yet, the longer I am a mother, the more it's obvious to me that it's not for everyone. Any woman who shares that instinct: Ignore your grandmother. Read this instead.” ―Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men: And the Rise of Women
“I've never needed approval for my decision to go childless through this world, but there've been times when I wanted company, a sounding board, a friend who wouldn't take the wrong way my desire to be occasionally ecstatic about not having babies and all the opportunities it affords me. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed is all that and more. It's sweet, heartfelt...utterly (and by design) the opposite of its title. It's a triumph of honesty and sincerity. I imagine returning again and again to its many smart and caring voices.” ―Hannah Pittard, author of Reunion and The Fates Will Find Their Way
“Put aside your moralistic assumptions. The sixteen probing essays collected here show how deeply individual-and varied, rich, and colorful-are the paths by which people arrive at the decision to not have children. This has to be one of the best of the many anthologies about women's (and men's) life stages-there's a lot at stake here for the writers, and for the readers as well.” ―Katha Pollitt, author of Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights and The Mind-Body Problem
“To her illustrious list of literary accomplishments, Meghan Daum must now add brilliant anthology editor. In this thoughtful, hilarious, gorgeously written collection of original essays by anything-but-the-usual-suspects, Daum has taken a taboo subject and turned it inside out so that we see the seams, the stitching, and the bloody guts of one of the most personal and complex decisions any of us can ever make. This is a wonderful book.” ―Dani Shapiro, author of Still Writing and Devotion: A Memoir
“Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed doesn't seek to settle the issue of children vs. childfree. But it will make you think. It will make you sit up in your chair. As a parent it provoked a strange reaction in me--a mirror to the same defensiveness I perceived in so many of the essays. But that is a good thing. Daum's assemblage of these essays does what it's intended to do: inspire us to think about why we live the way we live....A provocative collection that will inspire a lot of conversation.” ―The Rumpus
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.Product details
- ASIN : B00JI0W6VE
- Publisher : Picador (March 31 2015)
- Language : English
- File size : 737 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 289 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #313,932 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #216 in Consciousness & Thought (Kindle Store)
- #404 in Literary Essays (Kindle Store)
- #964 in Women's Studies (Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Meghan Daum is the author of six books and writes a biweekly
column about culture and politics for Medium. Her most recent book, The Problem With Everything, will be published October 22, 2019 by Gallery Books. Her last
book is The Unspeakable: And Other Subjects of Discussion,
which won the 2015 PEN Center USA Award for creative
nonfiction. Her other books include the essay collection
My Misspent Youth, and she edited the New York Times bestseller
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision
Not to Have Kids. From 2005 to 2016, Daum was an opinion
columnist for the Los Angeles Times. She has contributed to
numerous magazines, including the New Yorker, the Atlantic,
the New York Times Magazine, and Vogue. A recipient of a 2015
Guggenheim Fellowship and a 2016 National Endowment for
the Arts Fellowship, she is on the adjunct faculty in the MFA
Writing Program at Columbia University School of the Arts.
Learn more about Meghan at www.meghandaum.com.
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This is a very interesting topic, and something I was interested to read about, especially because of how people continue to act towards people who choose not to have kids, especially women, and it was really just writers telling stories about their childhood, which is not what I wanted to read. Maybe writers were not the best choice for people to write these chapters?
Top reviews from other countries
These insular and very specific stories did not venture far outside of the writer's own heads. I found the few who had survived bouts of baby lust, and attempted failed fertility treatments and questioned their own motives about desiring parenthood to be intriguing, but most of the stories did not answer larger questions for me. The only one that really resonated clearly was the final essay, "End of the Line" by Tim Kreider. It's great, witty, and the best in the book. He has the same questions about the biological imperatives of raising children that I do. Namely, if having children is "what life is about", as people always tell you, then... is the purpose of your children's life to create your grandchildren? And so on? That's the main focus for existence? Is it a reason to get out of bed each day when there is no other good reason? Can't a life on its own provide a value to the world when the DNA within it ends without further procreation? These are all bigger questions posed than in most of the other essays, many of which come across as overly defensive.
The writing is sad, funny, joyful, and poignant. All of the pieces are beautifully written. These authors are true wordsmiths! An added bonus of the book was that it introduced me to writers who were not on my radar. I have some new books on my TBR (to be read) pile.
Full disclosure: I am "child-free" by choice. However, I think this book has something to offer the "child-full" people as well. The writers explore the myriad reasons they chose not to procreate. But many go beyond that to discuss the stigma and suspicion that is directed at people who are childless by choice. They also talk about social, political, religious, philosophical, and evolutionary reasons to reproduce. And to not reproduce.
I wish this book was available 20 years ago when I began to realize that I did not want children. It organized and crystallized a lot of the ideas and feelings that still bounce around in my head. I also appreciate the over-arching theme in the book of accepting all people and their choices, regardless of how those choices fit into your personal world view. One issue, mentioned by a few of the authors, is the idea of regretting the decision not to have children. They point out that it is human to have regrets in life. Questioning or revisiting a decision, any decision, does not mean it was the wrong decision. Bottom line: isn't it wonderful to live in a place and time where we have these freedoms.





