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3.8 out of 5 stars
3.8 out of 5 stars
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Showing 1-6 of 6 reviews(4 star). Show all reviews
on October 26, 2001
Here is a great book to own for Dr. Sears fans and "attachment parenting" families. It gives balanced advice, emphasizing the importance of respecting and understanding the child as a person without falling into the "parent as powerless mentor-friend" trap. The Searses were in the process of raising eight children when this book was written, so it contains a great deal of wisdom gained from vast experience.
Probably the biggest drawback in this book is the tendency to use the term "attachment parenting" interchangeably with the more general psychological term "attachment" (which is basically the same as love, according to my understanding). I will not deny that many families find that Dr. Sears's famous attachment parenting methods (such as the family bed and infant wearing) actually do promote good attachment, but they are means to an end and not mandatory for all.
Another weak area concerns the issue of spanking. The Searses are known for holding to the respectable view that spanking is not the best way to discipline, and that other methods are preferable. I have no problem with their view, but the so-called "science" that is used to support the view is very poor. No effort is made in any of these studies to look at responsible spanking; rather, all physical discipline is lumped together, including angry spanking, inappropriate spanking, and outright child abuse. Sorry, but these "studies" either have little to do with the issue at hand (loving discipline) or are simply worthless wastes of time that do not belong in this book or any other! The Searses themselves probably made the decision to not spank based on personal experience; they should cite this and leave the junk science alone. As an aside, the parent who does choose to spank will find a section in this book regarding how to do it lovingly, which I endorse, and which, ironically, is similar to advice offered by pro-spanking writers like Dr. James Dobson.
To sum up, I recommend this book. However, if its gentle methods aren't working, by all means look for more assertive (but still loving) methods. Children thrive best where discipline is effective, as well as loving and fair.
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on July 6, 1999
I'm a first time mom of a 15 month old, I didn't want to spank, slap, or yell. I was looking for a loving approach. I also could NEVER leave a child to cry, so I felt much relief when I started reading this book! My child is responding well (especially for a VERY active and strong willed child!!) I feel I am enjoying her more, understanding her behavior helps!! My only complaint is about breast feeding, I agree that it is THE BEST, however my child is adopted (I tried pumping to induce lactation but was unsuccessful and feeders leaked etc.) They REALLY should have had better info about bonding/feeding for bottle fed babies!!!!! My style with the bottle was to always hold and rock, NEVER EVER prop the bottle and snuggle close-looking in her eyes and talk or sing. In spite of most opinions that bottles should stop at one, I feel that if breast feeding is encouraged well into the toddler years then what is wrong with a bottle!!!! We still lovingly share the morning and bedtime bottles!!! Follow your heart and your baby!!!!!! I still love the book and refer to it often.
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on October 22, 1999
This book is an excellent resource for those who want to discipline their children but don't want spanking to be their sole resort. As someone who loves her parents but doesn't like the way they disciplined her, I found the information given to be very helpful. In the introduction, the authors say that the expert on your child is you, and if any of their ideas seem too permissive or too harsh, to go with your instincts. This reflects the "reader-as-capable" tone that prevails throughout the entire book and which makes it a must-read.
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on March 11, 2002
I am glad to have this book to provide specific ideas for handling the common disciplinary situations with my daughter. The authors help you to understand why your child may be behaving in a particular way and how you can help shape behavior as well as instilling values and self-control. They provide tools that can be modified to fit your own circumstances.
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on January 10, 2003
I was hoping to find more information on discipling under the age of 2, and this book seems to be geared towards the older child even though it says birth to age 10. I don't believe in spanking and I am tired of yelling no all day long to my 14 m/o! But I love dr sears and I know this will be a helpful book on down the road.
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on December 26, 1998
I enjoy the advice that the Sears have to offer. They are obviously well intuned to children and their developement. I think the Sears are very adept at understanding why children do what they do. They could use some more concrete examples. Overall their approach is intelligent and kind.
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