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4.6 out of 5 stars
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4.6 out of 5 stars
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on July 5, 2016
Some of it is good, especially disc 7. This woman sounds very angry. She makes an assumption that because someone lives with an alcoholic, they themselves are in all likelihood alcoholic, down and out, pitifully needy human beings that cannot accomplish anything in life. You may as well throw away disc 6 as it is a complete write-off and very hard to listen to. As a former drug addict and alcoholic I can probably see why she thinks that way. Her recommendation is to join an al-anon group or some other of dozens of similar groups. Other than that I don't think she offers much up in the way of advice except to look to God for redemption. Her book was of little consolation.
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on March 7, 2015
I wasn't very impressed with this book. There are several reasons. First is that it feels a lot like a personal rant and doesn't cast a broad net, as this issue deserves. Second it starts out with the view that however you view God or a higher power is fine but by the second half it is very God-based and God-biased. In other words, the notion of a personal interpretation of a higher power has given way to a very conventional view of a personally-directed, benevolent God giving you signals every day. I have my own spirituality but these references left me cold. The third issue was that I didn't find a clear understanding of what codependence really is. This book uses alcoholism and codependence interchangeably and had me confused. I get that one person can have both but I felt the thinking on this point was fuzzy and unclear. Overall I wouldn't recommend.
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on July 29, 2014
I absolutely love this book. Even if you are not in a relationship with an alcoholic, or grew up with one, this book is very helpful. At the end of each chapter there are activities that you can journal and think about. I think that is my favorite part of this book and I have found the activities to be extremely helpful. Not only is this book great for stopping codependent behavior, I have also found it very useful for raising self esteem and working through repressed emotions. Cannot recommend this book enough.
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on October 17, 2015
Good book, especially for those who relate or experience alcoholism in their lives. I was looking for a book that was more about how to improve myself of the behaviors to others described in the book but it is more about how to help yourself with others (Kind of like al-anon). Still an interesting read, no regret purchasing.
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on May 16, 2004
I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won't say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me.
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on January 29, 2004
For many years, I was in a completely codependent relationship and did not know how to break out of it. Then I figure a way out on my own. At least I thought I did... but what happened was that I just changed the people around me and the relationships were essentially the same. After reading this great book, I finally stopped blaming other people for my relatioship problems and began looking into myself. It was then that my life really began to make a positive change. I then read another excellent book called, "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and I began seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It provided me the motivation to move on from my codependent relationships. It is a tough thing to deal with your own issues inside but it is the only way out and the only way to real happiness. Are you ready to do some real work and step out of your own misery? If your answer is yes, I recommend these books to you.
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on December 27, 2013
Although this book did not reach the bottom of why I was acting as a codependent, it clearly laid out what codependency is. I noticed myself in it right away. It was reassuring to understand that I wasn't going crazy - I was acting as a codependent. As my heading to this review states - "Helpful to start my recovery" - that's exactly what it did. This book was a great first step towards acknowledging that I had a problem too, not just the partner I was involved with. The book points out that your behavior and feelings stem from places deep into your past. I read this book four months ago and since, I have been looking into the aspects of my life that brought me to be a codependent by seeing a counselor and reading more books. I finally feel like I'm getting to the bottom of my issues.
I would highly recommend this book as a kick-start to your journey of healing.
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on December 20, 2002
So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don't have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of codependency tweaks your life; always for the worse.
Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments come from. But I do know that I am halfway through this book and I am very impressed. I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered family. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.
If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.
Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"? Has your own social circle dwindled or vanished, so that now only your partner and his/her friends are 'your' social group? Would you like to know why it's so hard to get out of bed every morning, and why you spend so much time worrying about that certain person in your life, while worrying too little about yourself?
Codependency is not a catch-all problem, nor is it remedied over night. But I'd dare say that at least half or more of American adults--indeed adults across the entire world--struggle with some form of codependent behavior. And if you want a deeper insight into this problem, what it is, what it is not, and how it messes with your life, then read this book, and gain strength from understanding.
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on July 31, 2014
Excellent read. The only thing I didn't like was her strong affirmation that professional counselling doesn't work and instead people with addictions and their family members should rely on all the anonymous groups. She compares counselling to a fancy boat that leaves you hanging at the middle of the trip while the anonymous groups an imaginary boat that doesn't take you anywhere but keeps you doing something. I think both services work well and it really depends on the group and counsellor. While some groups are great others are awful. While some counsellors are ok others are awesome. That's the only thing. Other than that I really enjoyed the read and learned a lot.
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on October 15, 2014
This has helped me so much in understanding what codependent is about. I thought I always knew, but after listening to this and taking the actions that we advised, I have turned a new leaf. It has made me realize how much I have to clean my life up and become no more the resucer. Thank you.
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