Top critical review
The Best Star Trek Ever! NOT!!!
on October 1, 2003
I was amazed to read the glowing reviews of this stinker. The plot is utterly absurd. The movie was obviously planned backwards, probably as follows:
"Hey, let's do a Star Trek movie that makes a sociological statement!"
"Yeah, great idea! Maybe one that supports the environment..."
"How about saving the whales?"
"That's ridiculous! What do whales have to do with the 23rd century? Besides, they'll probably be extinct by then."
"Hmmm. Maybe a disaster might happen that only the whales could solve, and they'll be extinct."
"Whales are unintelligent, what problems could THEY solve?"
"Yeah. Hmmm. Maybe the disaster could be averted by using whale blubber or something."
"No, dufus, now you're beginning to sound like a capitalist pig who wants to slaughter whales for their blubber."
<They break for a latte and a scone.>
"Maybe some powerful environmentally enlightened aliens descended from the ancestors of whales show up and want to make sure their 'brothers' on Earth are being treated well."
"Yeah, then they find out the whales are extinct and then in a fit of rage blast the Earth into smithereens!!!"
"No way. Then the movie would be over in what, 20 minutes? And then any sequel would have to have the Federation fighting a bunch of alien whale-oids. Ugh."
"OK, how about this. The spacecraft could be unoccupied. Like a probe..."
You see my point.
The movie does have its funny moments, but they are spoiled by the borderline-psychotic and thoroughly annoying character played by Catherine Hicks. The low point of the movie for me happens when, after she is told by a co-worker that a whale has been moved, she snaps and viciously slaps him across the face.
IMHO, here are the six Star Trek's in order of merit: